Lost a significant amount of weight? Do people treat you differently now?

[stars94 0]

I was banded Dec 14 2009, and have lost 80 pounds so far. I've noticed that people say hello to me more in the hallway at work. People I do not know and have passed numerous times before completely undetected. People hold the door open for me at the store more. Little things like people letting me in line ahead of them at the market, cafe or the library. And they tend to start conversations with me more. I am not talking about men in general, .. it is not a "man paying attention to a woman thing" I've noticed... just as much of a change in the females interacting with me. Do you think it could be that people are uncomfortable around the obese? A coincedence? Maybe it's me? I don't think I'm any more or less friendly or chipper at all, just smaller ...

And I'm not complaining about it, of course .. but it just makes me wonder ... WHY?

Just wondering if anyone else has experienced the "nice-ness meter" increase since they are now a much smaller size. Thanks!

[Teacher07 3]

I have literally had a cry fest over this very issue. I am having a hard time trusting people (especially men) because I am treated so different it makes me sick. Men and women who I have known for 3 years are suddenly interested in becomming my friend. I even had a girl say hey we should go shopping now that we shop in the same stores. WTH!!!! Yes, I agree I enjoy shopping alot more now and probably wouldn't have went before but I still don't want to go now just because if she didn't want to be my friend before why would I want to be her friend now. As far as men go well I understand them not being attracted to me before but the fact that no one even asked my name and suddenly they want to know all about me well it makes me pretty hesitant as to what kind of person they really are. I suppose I will always have this reservation, I sure hope not though.

[honk 780]

I am preband but based on an excercise program and diet I have lost about 75 pounds. I definately see a difference in how people treat me. An in regards to men I would'nt call it an attraction thing; but I certainly get more doors opened or held open for me now than before.

[LaDawnS 2]

Definately! I've lost 110 pounds this last year and I get treated a lot differently! It really is sad.

[Jachut 487]

I find it a negative change, I was more "accepted" as a heavier person than I am as a thin one. I get a lot of kind of pretend but not really judgement and bias now. People make snide remarks about my running for example, they indicate I'm vain and self absorbed becuase I like to stay in shape. I get eye rolls and ribbing about not stuffing myself stupid when I go out for lunch with work colleagues, I am not allowed to contribute to those general moaning about your body conversations that women have becuase its assumed I'm lording it over people because apparently I have no body issues.

I was never above a BMI of 35 so I havent really experienced exclusion on the basis of being fat, in the sense that I was never a threat to anyone and just blended in - not noticeably fatter than the majority and not thin either.

I do get more male attention but I dont see that as a negative - I mean lets be realistic. Thin is seen as beautiful in our society and I can be honest - I did this partly becuase I wanted to feel more attractive. I do consider that I *WAS* much less attractive at a heavier weight. I know, I know, what's on the inside counts but a bit of renovation on the exterior doesnt hurt and I dont find it offensive that people think I'm more attractive now than I was.

[Mrs. Plumpy 0]

I have been pondering this very thing lately. All my life I have been on the outside, people treat me like I'm invisible and I have overheard alot of things in all these years, not about me but people talking behind other people's backs. I see how they treat each other and how they pretend to like each other, all the while talking bad about their "friends" to others. It has truly been an eye-opener about how terrible people really are when they don't think you're listening. It makes me very sad for humanity.

I'm guessing once I get thin then they will see me as one of them, well I want nothing to do with any of them! They ignored me when I was fluffy so I will ignore them when I'm thin. Things will not change, I will stick with the people that have been there for me all my life. If I ever do want to make new friends it will be online, where we can get to know each other's personalities first.

Sorry if this post seems gloomy, sometimes when I'm feeling down I think about stuff like this. It really saddens me that people can be so superficial and heartless. :thumbup:

[adagray 1]

I must be an odd one because when I've lost a significant amount of weight before, I've found women to be less nice to me. I figure it must be that I seem more approachable as a heavy person. I've always had complete strangers chat me up when I am out doing anything. But, when I lost weight before, I noticed that women were not as friendly to me. I think maybe I was perceived as more of a threat or no longer the 'happy-go-lucky fat lady'? And, in hindsite, perhaps maybe I really wasn't as friendly since I was hungry all the time!!! LOL

I would just add that you do have to also consider the changes in your self-esteem and the way you carry yourself when you lose weight. Its possible others may be responding to those changes more than the actual change in your weight. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt.

Edited June 24, 2010 by adagray

[Jachut 487]

Yeah, that's exactly what I mean. Its like they think I'm going to steal their husbands or something. And like I said, I now find people assume I'm vain and obsessed with my looks. Anyone that knows me knows I'm not the least bit precious like that.

[jingleboob 5]

They ignored me when I was fluffy so I will ignore them when I'm thin. :thumbup:

I Love the "fluffy" quote. :-) LOVE IT:thumbup:

[juliansmom2003 3]

I must be an odd one because when I've lost a significant amount of weight before, I've found women to be less nice to me. I figure it must be that I seem more approachable as a heavy person. I've always had complete strangers chat me up when I am out doing anything. But, when I lost weight before, I noticed that women were not as friendly to me. I think maybe I was perceived as more of a threat or no longer the 'happy-go-lucky fat lady'? And, in hindsite, perhaps maybe I really wasn't as friendly since I was hungry all the time!!! LOL

I would just add that you do have to also consider the changes in your self-esteem and the way you carry yourself when you lose weight. Its possible others may be responding to those changes more than the actual change in your weight. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt.

I agree that self esteem and changes in how you carry yourself also play a part in this. I know I would walk around with my head down, would never make eye contact and may not have been considered "approachable" to others back then.

I do notice some women being a bit on the "hater" side as well. I am a wedding singer and it's funny because the guys are all wanting me to sit on their laps and the ladies are looking at me like "Don't even look in my direction, sister" LOL :thumbup:

[chocolatecity 1]

You are right to have reservations but that should stop you from being friendly. Me personally, I'd keep up with the same set of friends from before because they are your true blues. Not the newbies who just decided you had a face...

[chocolatecity 1]

Thanks for honesty. I am obese according to standards and I can honestly say Fat is not attractive. It doesn't mean that the person is not attractive but the fat that they are carrying is not attractive. Who looks at rubbing thighs and loose skin and says "I'll think I'll add on 20lbs. We should all strive to be healthy...and fat and overweight is not healthy. It creates long term impacts that eats away at our self confidence and self esteem.

[olwen 0]

i lost 11 stone - about 160 lbs? people do treat me differently but its now that keep my eyes down n try to avoid gazes as i find it a bit uncomfortable to be stared at pretty much all the time. i have mostly no idea what people are thinking - some are openly complimentary which is obviously nice but i feel odd when nothing is said just the stares - but what beggars belief for me is that people feel some god given right to comment on something so personal as yr appearance - not yr frock or shoes but yr body! you wdnt dream of marching up n commenting on a facial scar or a disablity of a limb etc so why do people think they can be so intrusive and have a free for all about weight, bigger or smaller? if a larger woman comments on my figure i feel obliged to explain about my band as i remember too well feeling inadequate when i was bigger and wdn t want to fool anyone that i was naturally this slim - i guess attention is ok on a day when you feel a bit glam n the hair etc has all gone right n you kinda feel good - but just going to the market in my scruffs? i just want to be left in peace.

[TracyNYC 4]

Well, I had a first time experience last week. I was proposed to. Of course he was homeless and toothless. LOL

That being said, I think some of the different treatment is due to the way I carry myself. However, I feel my long times have been slowly dropping me. They too are fat. They have been married for many years and I am the "perpetual, pathetic single one". Never mind that I am academically more accomplished, and own my home on one income, there is always a feeling that they have one-upped me in this area. Since I have become more confident and outspoken, I notice that since I was banded in October 2009, we have only gotten together socially as a "girls thing" once since then. We usually averaged 2x a month. Through conversation I know they have socialized as couples and families numerous times, but claim they have no time for me. They always did couple things, but also saw me. Now there is suddenly no time for me. I am just letting it play out.

I have been called ugly to my face by men walking by. I stopped once to help a young guy whose flatbed got away from him in a parking lot. All his stuff rolled all over the place. While I am on my hands and knees picking up his crap a really skinny, pretty girl (she looked snooty too) steps over the debris on the floor and keeps walking. He looked at me and actually said: Boy, I wish SHE had stopped and helped me!

CAN YOU IMAGINE? I felt like saying: Girls like that only help themselves....I was dumbfounded.

I will not go out with someone who knew me fat and now might show interest. (Not that anyone has LOL)

[BetsyB 9]

I get checked out a lot more when I'm out walking, now--a lot more.

There was a time when I really would have been uncomfortable about this--really, the invisibility to men that fat created was useful when I was fat.

It's no longer useful to me; I've moved past that, and am reclaiming who I was meant to be.

And I really like it.

That said, I've always been a good faker, and even when I've felt miserable about myself, I have presented a confident front when out and about---so I've always struck up conversations and been someone people like to be around. I haven't noticed any real changes in relationship with female friends, other than that they ask lots of nutrition questions.