Do people treat your different?

[missgypsy 1]

ok i ask this question because it seems that people do treat me different. i wasn't terribly obese or anything before i was banded. i have struggled with my weight FOREVER and it just came to be a part of me. i started out being about 70-80 lbs overweight and i barely skimmed by on being approved for the surgery with my insurance but i was approved :scared2:. has anyone noticed friends or family treating you different now. such as not talking to you as much seeming really withdrawn from you? emails, phone calls, texts have basically stopped? not including you into things anymore? trying to push foods on to you? it seems i am dealing with this and it all started when i shared with them i was having the surgery. it's really hurtful...these are to be my friends and they aren't acting like my friends as all. one girlfriend had the bypass surgery about 12 yrs ago. she never got down to her goal weight and then ended up gaining alot of it back. now she has an ulcer on top of that. i've tried sharing with her recipes and stuff but she just doesn't seem to care one way or the other. why have the surgery if you aren't going to follow through with it all? she checked on me when i was in the hosp but nothing really since then. i also have 2 friends that now want to do the surgery because they think it's easy. lmao easy?!?!?!?!? oh heck no it's not easy!! was one of the hardest things i have ever made up my mind to do and follow through with it. it's been less then a month since i've been banded and it's been an emotional roller coaster on me and my family. so no easy does not fit into that catagory yet. so why do people treat you different? jealousy or what? i have my mother in law making comments to my kids and my husband about my 'eating' and why i did this and i will never be the same and i will never be able to eat again. ok i'm the same person inside just not so much on the outside anymore- i'm smaller now. she never has liked me but she doesn't need to be making snide comments about me either. i did this for MYSELF. i want to be healthier and happier. i want to live long enough to see my boys grow up, get married and have babies of there own. so why don't people get this? why do they treat us like we are taking the easy way out? if they are your friends to begin with then they should be your friends now. can someone enlighten me on this please :thumbup:

[emjay 8]

It isn't surprising that you are finding out alot of people don't know how to react to the changes in you.

Some "friends" may feel that your relationship is threatened because some of the similarities that you shared with them will no longer be there, such as being overweight and using food as a comfort, or social factor. Some may feel jealous, or don't know who to react due to their own insecurities. It may be that your change will force them to take a good hard look at themselves that they are not yet willing to do.

It's a funny thing to lose alot of weight. The reactions can be very mixed. Some people are supportive or complimentary, or perceive to be, others curious about the procedure, effects, complications, etc. And face it, some just don't know what to say so say nothing.

Just try to keep in mind that the reactions are based out of alot of different things - and there is still alot of ignorance out there about how it works.

As far as the easy way out comments? Who cares what they think? Let's face it - if it wasn't easier than regular dieting and exercise, why have it done? It is easier to me because it helps control my hunger. After 25 years of struggling to lose and keep the weight off I figured why not get something done that will be easier to help me take it off and keep it off? It is not easy, but it is easier than doing it alone. So I take those comments with a grain of salt. I just say, I tried for 25 years the hard way and it didn't work for me, it was time to get some help in order to be healthy.

As for your mother in law - maybe she is a bit jealous, or competitive for the affections of your husband. Whatever her reasons, either blow her off or tell her that her comments are hurtful to you and that you don't understand why she says them. Maybe she doesn't realize that what she is saying is hurtful to you. In other words, try to give her the benefit of the doubt.

I have a mother that still gets out food everytime I come to visit. Drives me crazy, but I've got to the point where I realize that is just her way and has always been. I have to make a point to say no thanks and move the food/snack to the other side of the table.

Try not to let it get to you. As you change, you may find new interests and people that have similar ones to you. Keep an open mind with your old friends. They are trying to adjust too.

[1prettygirl1983 0]

I just had my surgery on june 8, 2010 and i haven't told anyone but my mother and sister. I'm kind of afraid of how everyone will take it also.

[mwallis 0]

i am only a month out of surgery and i have experienced some of this too. i was really down in the dumps for a bit about it. i think a lot of people know you had the surgery and are apprehensive to ask questions or don't know how to give support. for about two weeks my friends completely disappeared (and i live four hours from my family so the daily phone call from mom wasn't cutting it). finally, i started calling my friends to workout or asked them to go out.

i also TOTALLY know what you mean by people think you are "taking the easy way out." i've gotten that remark a few times and just about blew up. this is probably the hardest thing i've ever done in my entire life.

i hope things start looking up for you! i'm completely with ya on getting treated differently though so if you ever need a chat, let me know :thumbup:

[BetsyB 9]

I honestly have not had this experience. I guess I've been tremendously lucky--or tremendously oblivious. The feedback I've been given has been overwhelmingly positive.

If anyone's thinking or saying otherwise, it's totally eluding me.

[missgypsy 1]

thank you for all the nice comments. i've decided that if they are going to act like that then so be it. maybe one day they will come around and if not then it wasn't for my lack of trying. my mother in law never liked me from day one so it's kinda normal. just wish she's keep her comments to herself. i've talked to her in the past but nothing works.

i feel awesome about myself and thats all that matters :thumbup:.