So glad I'm here!!

[Julie5 0]

Hey guys,

I'm new here, but have been reading on here for a few weeks and listening to your stories and advice. This is truly a wonderful place. I had my band placed on 6/7/10, so I'm just 5 days out. I'll have to say, I feel quite alone. I opted after much thought, to not tell anyone except my husband about my surgery. This was very difficult for me because I have a very close family. Especially my mom and I. We are like best friends. I feel like I've been avoiding her like the plague all week. I've been very into Zumba for the past 6 months so I decided to tell everyone that I had sprained my ankle this week so no one would ask why I wasn't going to Zumba, plus so no one would try to get me to come to family functions for the next week or so. Its been soo hard for me to lie like this. Not really because I'm against lying so much, but because I just need to talk to someone about this. So many things in my life are changing right now and its just huge! Truth is, as close as my family are, a few of them can also be judgmental. And none of them can keep their mouths shut. So if I told one, they would all find out. And I just didn't want to hear about it.

My BMI was not that high. I had to be a self pay. I'm sure my family would say I'm not that fat. They don't see it. They don't see why I can't just lose the 60 lbs and get on with it. Truth is, for 5 years, I've tried to lose weight and instead have gained more and more each year. I didn't want to wait till I was really big and had to worry about all these extra co-morbidities. I was trying to prevent them. I already have a few. Anyway, I had the money and who knows when I might have it again in my life so I did it! I researched it for a few months and last Monday I did it. I just wish I had my mom to talk to about it. We are a family of eaters. Every event involves eating. It's why I've been avoiding everyone all week. Everyone thinks I've started this great new diet/way of life. I'm gonna try real hard to keep it that way. Any advice on how to continue this lie? Anyone else do it this way? Totally discretely and deceiving?

Julie

[Laura Lane 0]

i definitely think you should tell your mom. more if you consider her your bestfriend, do you think she will not approve or do you think she will get upset because you didn't tell her? whichever way she is your mom and she will always be there to support you. so just like you told your husband, i think your mom should be part of this as well. if you don't want to tell anyone else, then don't because they are not as close to you as your mom and your husband are.

whichever way goodluck and welcome to the loser's bench!!!

please keep us posted.

[mauraclegg 29]

Hi Julie

I'm sad for you just reading that you didn't share your experience with your family. tbh I didn't tell anyone beyond a few close friends, my husband and my mom - but I do regret it now. There are so many people who want to be there,

Well, I am here for you if you want to talk. But don't keep it a secret or you will get totally depressed

[illuminationlady 7]

It's your decision and your body. You may have some good reasons for not telling and that's okay. We are here for you any time. Hang in there and welcome to Bandland!!! Best wishes!!!

[Julie5 0]

Thanks guys. I think the reason I didn't tell her was for one, she can be sort of dingy... LOL. I love her for it, but she can be dingy. So I'm really afraid we will be at dinner sometime with all the family (which is like 2 times per week) and she will slip and say something like "can you eat that?" or "be careful, I'm afraid you will get sick on that". She tends to slip up sometimes on words when she doesn't mean to. Also, I wanted her to be proud of me so bad and I know she still would be if she knew how I was losing but maybe not as much. Even though we all talk about how hard this is even with the band and maybe even harder in some aspects, I'm not sure an outsider can really, truly understand that. Ugh, I don't know. She is really close with my brother and his wife (as am I) and I just don't wanna tell them. The potential for her to tell him is too high. We are not good at keeping secrets from each other (hence, me struggling so much with not telling her this secret). I could tell her not to tell him but then would feel like I am putting her in a position she is not comfortable with either. Keeping something from him, who she is very close with as well.

Another reason I decided not to tell for now was that I read a really long thread about it here on the forums and I kinda got it that the consensus was that most people wish they wouldn't have told so many people. I think a quote I read repeatedly was "you can always tell them but can't untell them once you already have". I'm trying to keep my options open but its hard.

Another big reason is that me and my husband have a good amount of money and I think sometimes they resent me (they don't mean to) for buying crazy things, and going on vacations and sometimes wasting money on ourselves selfishly when they at times struggle. I don't want to think that they are thinking "Must be nice to have the money to just pay for weight loss surgery when you don't even need it". If I were bigger, this would be easier. They would understand more I think. They think I'm just a little overweight. They don't get that I am obese. That my BMI qualified me for weight loss surgery, not my pocket book. As I said we are close but there is a great potential for regret if I let the cat totally out of the bag...

Thanks for all your sweet responses so far.

Julie

[HAL380 0]

Hello Julie;

I could not agree with you more. I am scheduled for surgery on 7/1. And the only one who knows, besides the Doctor and his staff, is my wife. I will not tell anyone. It's my business not theirs. In my opinion, there is nothing to be gained by seeking support from people who have minimal knowlede of the process. They only surmise all the negative possibilities. At best they will just cause you to question your own mind and research.

The best thing you could do is do your shareing here. When you need any boost or support you have friends here who understand.

Warm regards

Hal

[Julie5 0]

Hello Julie;

I could not agree with you more. I am scheduled for surgery on 7/1. And the only one who knows, besides the Doctor and his staff, is my wife. I will not tell anyone. It's my business not theirs. In my opinion, there is nothing to be gained by seeking support from people who have minimal knowlede of the process. They only surmise all the negative possibilities. At best they will just cause you to question your own mind and research.

The best thing you could do is do your shareing here. When you need any boost or support you have friends here who understand.

Warm regards

Hal

Thanks Hal. I'm not completely sure I'll be able to hold it in forever! It is great to be able to talk on here to people who understand. It means the world.

[LeighaMason 19]

"That my BMI qualified me for weight loss surgery, not my pocket book."

Julie,

I just wanted to say way to go on making a decision to lose the weight now. I "only" had 65 pounds to lose, for 16 frickin years! I don't care if its 65 or 165 being obese sucks! Don't feel bad about getting help. I have 10 pounds to go and couldnt be happier. And I was self pay too. Best $10K I ever spent!

Just for reference, I tell everyone about my lap band. But I am also 40 years old and I don't give a flip what people think anymore. Do what is right for you....

Leigha

[Julie5 0]

"That my BMI qualified me for weight loss surgery, not my pocket book."

Julie,

I just wanted to say way to go on making a decision to lose the weight now. I "only" had 65 pounds to lose, for 16 frickin years! I don't care if its 65 or 165 being obese sucks! Don't feel bad about getting help. I have 10 pounds to go and couldnt be happier. And I was self pay too. Best $10K I ever spent!

Just for reference, I tell everyone about my LAP-BAND®. But I am also 40 years old and I don't give a flip what people think anymore. Do what is right for you....

Leigha

Thanks Leigha!

I know what you mean about the 65 pounds for 16 years!! I have had this weight creeping up for years. Every year I have tried to lose, every year I gain instead. And yeah being obese sucks!!

[SoccerMomma73 1,867]

I told anyone and everyone near me and now tell anyone who asks how I'm doing it....but, I lived in a verbally/physically/emotionally abusive marriage several years ago and hide/lied about everything and hated it so since then I've sort of been an open book. I do not regret telling. I've appreciated the support and I've found support from many people I never expected to. I've had a couple of people give me the "now why'd you do that it's not safe" lecture but in general everyone has been great. Make the right decision for you but try not to let it eat you up so much. Know that we're here for you and WELCOME TO THE CLUB! Good luck!

[Jayne Elizabeth 0]

Hi Julie

I also had my band done this week a day later than you on Tuesday. I live in England but travelled to Brussels as it was cheaper. I want to lose approx 140 lbs. I have been overweight for over twenty years and have done every diet you could imagine. I have now had enough and wanted to do this for my own sanity.

There are also few people that know about my band and I agree it is very isolating. I actually feel a bit depressed about it at the moment which I did not expect.

I feel physically much better today. The gas has been terrible and stayed until yesterday. I am the biggest wimp but I think I have done quite well.

Tonight I wanted to go out with my husband to watch the world cup game between the USA and England and he put me off. I don't know why?

Tomorrow I will go out for the first time since having it done. I don't know about you but it feels wierd.

Until today I did not feel hungry but today I do. I am eating just slimfast, heinz Soups and I had some angel delight today. I didnt expect to feel so hungry to be honest and it is difficult not to go down to the cupboard and get a bar of chocolate and suck it until it becomes liquid.< /p>

How are you finding it? Are you hungry yet? What did your husband think of your decision. Mine wasn't too keen to be honest.

How are you feeling generally? And where do you live?

I guess we aren't alone in feeling lonely. Your message has made me feel better thanks

Jayne

[Julie5 0]

Hi Julie

I also had my band done this week a day later than you on Tuesday. I live in England but travelled to Brussels as it was cheaper. I want to lose approx 140 lbs. I have been overweight for over twenty years and have done every diet you could imagine. I have now had enough and wanted to do this for my own sanity.

There are also few people that know about my band and I agree it is very isolating. I actually feel a bit depressed about it at the moment which I did not expect.

I feel physically much better today. The gas has been terrible and stayed until yesterday. I am the biggest wimp but I think I have done quite well.

Tonight I wanted to go out with my husband to watch the world cup game between the USA and England and he put me off. I don't know why?

Tomorrow I will go out for the first time since having it done. I don't know about you but it feels wierd.

Until today I did not feel hungry but today I do. I am eating just slimfast, heinz Soups and I had some angel delight today. I didnt expect to feel so hungry to be honest and it is difficult not to go down to the cupboard and get a bar of chocolate and suck it until it becomes liquid.

How are you finding it? Are you hungry yet? What did your husband think of your decision. Mine wasn't too keen to be honest.

How are you feeling generally? And where do you live?

I guess we aren't alone in feeling lonely. Your message has made me feel better thanks

Jayne

Hi Jayne,

I'm 30 years old. I live in the US. Ohio. Funny, I am actually watching the US England game right now!! Glad to talk to someone else who is where I am. The gas was terrible. Pretty much better now, although I am still puffy in the belly area. My pain was pretty bad for a few days there, but yesterday was a good day. Even left the house and went to a cafe for some Soup.

I am kinda hungry today too. But I really feel like I get full pretty fast. I don't have any saline in my band yet but think my belly must be swollen in that area or something or maybe just the band itself being there causes a bit of restriction. Either way I get a full feeling fast. It could be a gassy pain too... Not sure. I agree about wanting something else to eat. So sick of this food already. I have to do pureed foods for another 9 days and I don't puree anything. The sight of it makes me wanna puke! So its been foods that just look pureed for me. I can do soft foods in 9 days. Can't wait for that.

My husband is pretty supportive. He's also 150 lbs, high metabolism and can't gain a pound no matter how hard he tries. So is he REALLY that supportive? Well he tries. But for lunch today he had a giant fast food burger that made me drool. He wants to get healthy too and generally likes healthier foods so he says when I get to where I am off this liquid and mushy crap, he will start eating better too.

Keep in touch, I'd love to continue to talk and see how you are doing.

Julie

[Jayne Elizabeth 0]

Thanks Julie. I will keep in touch regularly. I am now going to have a latte coffee with skimmed milk and head to bed. It is 9.35pm here and I don't know about you but I don't have my usual energy.

My husband is also thin (so not fair!!!). He doesn't get it but my fifteen year old daughter does. She can see how unhappy being overweight makes me.

Hopefully will be feeling more positive tomorrow.

Will speak to you very soon

Jaynex

[JMinDallas 1]

My surgery is scheduled for a little over 2 wks. I too have decided to not tell anyone. My hubby, my sis (only cause she's helping me finance it) and the doc and staff are the only ones for now who know.

Too many people can be judgemental with or without meaning to, or too many will say should you be eating that...it's none of their business how I lose weight or why I've chosen this way.

I feel when the time is right, and weight starts to come off where people notice, then I may say something. But for now I won't be telling anyone.

Don't feel too down on yourself about not telling anyone. There are many here who are much better at understanding than others who've never had the surgery.

[Ranger 0]

Julie, I am in the same situation. I was banded on the 7th also and i only told my husband and the two girls that I have lunch with every day. They have all been told not to say a thing. I did not even tell my mom ( she came by on Thursday and noticed I was not dong well, I told her I had Hernia surgery, which is somewhat true, cause they did a hernia repair also. As soon as she got home she called my aunts and told them, hence the reason I did not tell her the truth, she can not keep secrets from my aunts which then tell my cousins and so on.....I have not been eating much for a couple months before surgery and following the rules for after surgery, so that when I go somewhere with her now she will not notice a difference. If you need someone to talk with you, I am here. We will be on the same schedule. I can say that i still have the shoulder pain and the gas pain. i will say just do what you feel comfortable with, if that is keeping it from your family than so be it...it is your decision and you have to deal with the outcome, no one else can...if you need someone to talk with I am here, I live in california, so I am 3 hours different but am home for 6 weeks so will be around at different hours.