Mental doubts

[TangoLima 0]

Hello all,

I started gaining weight at 20 y.o., and have been struggling with my weight for the last 16 years. EVERY DAY for the last 16 years, I think about weight, am unhappy with myself, am unhappy in my relationship, constantly compare myself to others, am always self conscious about myself, how I walk, etc. I have followed low carb diets and have lost as much as 84 pounds, and was very happy, but as soon as I stop the diet, the weight comes back very quickly. So, I am thinking about doing lap-band to solve the problem once and for all. I am not scared of surgery, and really do want to be free from thinking about my weight all the time.

What I do worry about is mentally being able to handle the food restrictions and not being able to eat what I want. (One of my problems is that my husband LOVES to eat, thinks about eating constantly, can be in the middle of eating Breakfast and is already thinking about dinner. He has been thin almost the whole time we have been together, but has started to gain weight since he retired from the Navy 3 years ago.) Sometimes I get to the point now that I don't ever want to eat again, and I'm hoping that once I get banded that food will no longer be a central focus in my life, so I really won't have the mental struggles I am worried about. I would love to hear from anyone who has gone through the surgery, and how you adjusted mentally.

Thank you!

[caldwell33 0]

OK, maybe this will help. I too had my doubts. I LOVE food and that's a fact on how I got to the weight I was at, (321). My husband, God love him, can eat to the cows come home and not gain. SOOOOO I cooked, and cooked and ate and ate. I realized my weight was going up but my husband never said a word to me. He loves me that much.

WELL, I lost my job last year, do to the economy and found myself home and cooking up a storm, and eating too!

Then I realized that I wasn't going to find a job at my age (63), who the hell is going to hire an overweight, senior citizen, so I filed for early retirement with Social Security, resigning myself that I was NOW RETIRED! (so is my husband).

NOW we can do all the things we've been talking about doing for years, because WE'RE RETIRED. Well the first thing we spoke about was going on a trip to Alaska. We live in NJ. THEN reality set in!

I was to big to be comfortable in a airplane seat, what have I done!!!

This was the turning point. I realized that all my life I ate because I was contented and someday after all my hard work I would be rewarded and could travel. Now the time is here and I can't.

I realized that I had to make a decision which was more important, 1. being fat and unhappy the rest of my life and not being able to do anything comfortably, or take control of my own destiny and make the sacrifices and DO SOMETHING about it. I'm the one who created the monster, now I had to slay the monster within me.

NO, I didn't like it at first but it's been 3 months since surgery and I have lost a total of 41 lbs. as of today. I have 105 lbs to go. I AM GOING TO GO TO ALASKA next year because I've made that my goal, I am going to be comfortable on the plane and I AM going to leave the "old dead dragon" behind and never look back. Make the sacrifice, you are the only one in control of your life. You will be able to eat everything you ate before, just in smaller portions. It will work! God loves each and everyone of us and wouln't give us a challenge if we couldn't handle it.

Do it for YOURSELF, you deserve it! God Bless and good luck:thumbup:. Eileen

[vlp1968 83]

You have a lot to think about. WLS is a huge decision. Everyone makes that decision in their own way. Yes, the lapband will make eating the right things in the right portions a hell of a lot easier. However, you still have to do the work. Things like excersising, journaling what you eat (at least in the beggining) and looking at other ways to get what overeating gave you (stress release, boredom et..).

Personally, I don't eat high fat or high sugar foods in any quantity. That is just what works for me. But you can loose weight and still eat the foods you like, but less frequently and in smaller portions if that's the route you decide to take.

Keep us posted on your decision. I can say that for me it was one of, if not the, best decision I've ever made. My only regret is that I didn't do it sooner. However, I don't think that I was emotionally ready to "give up the food". If you are not ready now for the surgery, it may be that given some more time you will be. I wish you all the best!

[Barbee 1]

Thank you, Caldwell.... you really encouraged me. My surgery date is 6/28 and I was feeling the "jitters". Thanks.

[caldwell33 0]

Thank you, Caldwell.... you really encouraged me. My surgery date is 6/28 and I was feeling the "jitters". Thanks.

You're very welcome.

Just keep reminding yourself that you and only YOU can make this decision and only You can make yourself succeed. Like others have said, keep a journal, watch how much you are eating, get a good (Biggest Loser, or some other brand) scale and kick the crap out of those extra pounds, I find that I put a goal on myself for 5 lbs. in 10 days, so far it's working.

Be confident, remember it took along time to gain this weight and it's going to take time to loose it, but you will feel better, look better, have more confidence and a whole new outlook on life and will have succeeded in making your life better, and who knows maybe you'll meet me in Alaska next year, I hope so, if not how about Sedona, Arizona? Please, keep in touch. God Bless, Eileen

[Bree99 1]

Your hopes and fears for the surgery are very much the same as mine were. I have been banded almost 5 months and it was one of the best decisions I have made. I can still eat all the things I like, except only a little satisfies me now. All the worries about the changes I had to make were exaggerated. At least from my present perspective. I don't think about my weight all the time, except in a positive way! I am so much more relaxed and happy. Life is much easier than it was! The adjustments I've made were nothing compared to what I have gained. I still enjoy eating but it's not uppermost in my thoughts now. I feel the way I always imagined "normal" people did. It all seems perfectly normal and natural now. I'm thrilled. Oh, and I've lost 66 pounds in less than 5 months.

[TangoLima 0]

Thank you all for the comments.

I'm not afraid of working hard to lose the weight. I have lost significant weight 3 times by following a strict low carb diet and exercising every day. I know when I put my mind to it, I can do it, and it's not like I can't work hard. It's just that when I go off the "diet" the weight comes back on with a vengeance. I need something to help me reach my goal and STAY THERE.

My concerns are mentally dealing with the forced restriction when I am hungry and/or really want to binge. Do the cravings subside? Im worried about being really hungry, and not being satisfied. Or feeling like everybody else can eat what they want, and I can't. Has anyone else had those fears? Are they irrational fears? How did you overcome them?

[khunt719 2]

I've been banded 9 months and food is still the main focus of my day. That is all I can think about...what can I eat and how much Protein is in it. Before surgery I thought the band was the answer so after getting it I had so many challenges of eating the wrong foods, going out to dinner and eating what I wanted. I didn't lose for 6 months. I got some WLS books and read them and finally got serious about the band and have lost 15 lbs. Just do your research on the band, I thought it was the answer for me but it is just a tool, you have to change the way you think. To this day, I will be out with my husband eating breakfast and talk about where we are going for dinner. Food is my addiction and even with the band it still pushes me to the limits of what I can accomplish. I read "Before and After" she says---nothing tastes as good as thin feels---and she is right. I just have to remind myself of this everytime I take a bite. Good luck and let us know when you get the band.

[Barbee 1]

Tango.... my worries exactly. Hubby and I are retired and one of the things we enjoy the most is eating out... we go to different casinos and play the penny slots and enjoy the buffets... I'm sure that what we enjoy most will now be something no longer enjoyable for either of us.

KHunt.... I do believe that eating disorders are an illness and they really need to find a cure for this. I don't think the Band is a cure for eating disorders. My problem is not an eating disorder, it's my metabolism. I hear my husband telling people... "but she doesn't eat that much".... I don't. I agree that I don't exercise like I should, but everything hurts when I do, so I don't.

I don't think the Band is for everyone. I have 17 days to decide if it is right for me. My biggest worry is that getting the Band will not only take the pleasure out of eating out for me, but for my husband (who isn't fat) also. I am coming to this board to see all sides and decide before my surg. date of June 28.

[caldwell33 0]

Your hopes and fears for the surgery are very much the same as mine were. I have been banded almost 5 months and it was one of the best decisions I have made. I can still eat all the things I like, except only a little satisfies me now. All the worries about the changes I had to make were exaggerated. At least from my present perspective. I don't think about my weight all the time, except in a positive way! I am so much more relaxed and happy. Life is much easier than it was! The adjustments I've made were nothing compared to what I have gained. I still enjoy eating but it's not uppermost in my thoughts now. I feel the way I always imagined "normal" people did. It all seems perfectly normal and natural now. I'm thrilled. Oh, and I've lost 66 pounds in less than 5 months. :frown:

Congratulations!!!!!!!!!! Wow, you've done great. Keep up the good work. Can I ask you roughly how many calories are you eating a day? I'm interested to see what amount of calories people are doing. I am at about 900-1000 calories per day. Thanks, and keep up the good work. Eileen

[willowcat 93]

My concerns are mentally dealing with the forced restriction when I am hungry and/or really want to binge. Do the cravings subside? Im worried about being really hungry, and not being satisfied. Or feeling like everybody else can eat what they want, and I can't. Has anyone else had those fears? Are they irrational fears? How did you overcome them?

Since the band is adjustable, if you feel like the restriction you're getting with the band is too much, you can always have the band unfilled and go back to normal eating. I think that's part of the beauty of the band--it isn't one-size-fits-all. Some people keep their bands really tight, some keep them loose, and most keep them somewhere in between. You'll get to decide what's right for you. There's no "forced restriction" except for whatever level you're comfortable with.

Binging in my experience is more about satisfying mental/emotional needs than it is about satisfying physical hunger. The band won't help with that part of overeating.

I'm never "really hungry" anymore--hunger for me actually HURTS, and I can't tough it out for very long. The way I understand the mechanics of what makes the band work is two-fold: 1. It makes a smaller stomach--less food is eaten. 2. The satiety nerves (the ones that tell your brain that you're full and feel satisfied because you've had enough to eat) are at the bottom of your esophagus/top of your stomach. So that when this smaller portion of food fills up your tiny tummy, it hits the satiety nerves so much faster than before, and you've basically "tricked" your brain into believing that that small amount of food is plenty. And it works! I don't feel hungry. My cravings for most foods (chocolate cravings at pms time are still strong) has all but diminished. Food does not have the Iron grip on me that it had before.

My husband and I still like to go out and eat. I do have to be careful about what I eat, but that's because that's the way I'm choosing to live. I love being 100 lbs thinner and wouldn't trade that for anything. The band is the best thing I've ever done for myself (except for getting a college degree and also except for marrying my best friend).

It's good that you're thinking and asking questions about what is concerning you. That's how you'll end up knowing if the band is the right tool for you (for some people it isn't the right tool). Good luck to you!