Grieving for food loss?

[Sultana 0]

Hi All,

I am scheduled to be banded on the 29th of Dec. with Dr. Kurian in NYC. I just read all of the messages here, and they were so helpful. I had particularly been wondering about the Vitamins I take, drinking, and what kinds of foods to get post op. I have an additional problem: I am allergic to corn products, and that sure does rule out many yogurts, puddings, Jello, etc. I sure am open to any suggestions.

Tangerine, congrats on your remarkable weight loss--not being banded I always check out losses; it encourages me! I also noted you live near me and that Dr. Kurian is your Dr. too.

Again, thanks to all. It is so wonderful being able to share experiences. Whatever did we do before the Internet existed? Of course, some of you may not vividly recall such a time, eh?

How about this. I really want to be banded and lose weight, and I am an overachiever and I know I will work hard, but right now I feel sort of in mourning and depressed about the food I won't be able to eat??? Am I psycho? Anyone remember a similar phase?

Best of luck to all,

Sultana

[Alexandra 55]

Sultana, I definitely remember a similar phase; I'm still going through it to some extent. I'm a fairly recent bandster and have had only one fill, and still sort of think that there will be foods I'll "never" be able to eat again.

The truth of the matter is that there are no FOODS that are by themselves off limits. That's the great thing about the band. What I do miss--mourn, even--is that marvelous stuff-your-mouth feeling when some food just cries out for that treatment. Like a huge bite of some delicious sandwich, or a big spoonful of macaroni and cheese. :cool:

But eating that way is what got me here, and so I know I have to say goodbye to those behaviors. Thankfully, I have my little silicone friend here to help me.

[dishdiva 5]

I was just thinking about that tonight... it's hard to describe...almost like mourning... how I miss those "must-have-it-and-have-it-now" cravings. And the feeling of satisfaction once that craving is satisfied. But, it's weird -- I think about it, don't act on it and forget about it...

Good luck with your surgery,

Elizabeth

8/28/03

[Guest mimi]

I am soon to be banded... and since I made up my mind to do it I'v gained 15 pounds ... I am definately in mourning..lol.. I am afraid to give up what I have loved for so many years. I really want the Lapband and know I am making the right decision. Its just scary to think about not having and being able to resist the one thing I have to say I LOVE!!! Has anyone other than myself had an unconscious food fest before the surgery?

[Alexandra 55]

Mimi, that unconscious food fest is so well known as to have a name: it's the Last Supper Syndrome. We all go through it. Sometimes twice--once when we make up our minds to have surgery and then again, much later, when we actually get the surgery date.

It's very hard to conquer, I know--I gained 7 lbs in the last two months before surgery. But it really is important not to let it get out of control, since you want to be as healthy as possible for the procedure and healing. Take comfort in knowing that our food choices are the same after banding as before, and the behaviors that will change are those that MUST change if we want to leave our obesity behind us. So eat what you want, but try to practice not gorging. That will set you on the right path and possibly abort your weight gain in the process.

Good luck with this!!

[Lindaloo 0]

Me too! I gained ten pounds in the time after I found out my surgery date. It's like I wanted to get it all in before I couldn't anymore. I love food, and there is something about the VOLUME of food that was so satisfying, in ways other than just filling me up. Eating is so comforting, such a good feeling while you are doing it. It's easy to equate it to love, because when we are uncomfortable (hungry) we just take in something warm or sweet and it makes us feel so much better. But the feeling is so temporary, and has such a nasty flip side.

It is going to take me a while to fully realize that feeling full is what I am going for, not eating in volume. It's a process, and I'm sure that I'll adjust. I've lost 22 lbs so far and that amazes me. So instead of getting satisfaction of eating tasty food in volume, I'm getting satisfaction from losing weight. In time, I'll get satisfaction of being able to be more active, have more energy, of buying stylish clothes and having them fit, and of looking better. It's a trade off, and although it's hard to picture in the beginning---because surgery is somewhat painful, the liquid phase is difficult, we are just getting used to this--in time we will be very glad, because we will be what many of us have never been--slim and healthy.

Check out the real meals website...

http://www.protein-solution.com/

They’ve really helped me. They come in vanilla and chocolate, and you can get a sample pack to try before you buy it. I did that. They aren’t cheap, no, but they taste good, are versatile and have excellent nutrition in them---lots of Vitamins besides the 60 grams of Protein per pack. I split up the packet in thirds when I was on the liquid diet and had three shakes per day.

Hope this helps you!

Linda

Dr. Bonanni

11/14/03

260/238150

[tangerine 44]

Hi Sultana!

Thanks for the congrats. Dr. Kurian is a great surgeon, don't let her scare you. Sometimes she's very blunt and we don't always want to hear what she has to say! She is very caring though, and will give you as much time during appointments as you need.

As for grieving, as Alexandra said it's not the loss of food that gets me, because I can still eat just about everything I did before surgery. What gets me from time to time is the overwhelming desire to binge, and knowing I can't. It's very frustrating at times, but it is getting easier over time.

It's great that you're an overacheiver and will work hard with the band. One word of caution though, don't expect perfection! Most likely you will test the band, you will get food stuck, you will give in to bad cravings from time to time. But this isn't about being perfect, it's about changing our habits over a very long period of time. It's going to take a lot of trial and error and a lot of perserverance. Not always fun, but always rewarding!

Good luck to you! Maybe I'll see you at Dr. K's office someday.

[Kiwigirl 1]

Sultana,

I spent the week before my op having last meals. I think I ate every one of my favourite foods. Like you I thought I was saying goodbye to them. Now three months post op there is very little I can't eat. White bread is a no no and lettuce. I have no idea why, they just give me a big pain. It is everything in moderation. When dieting (I hate that word) in the past I would deprive myself of everything that made life worth living. Now with my little friend I can indulge occasionally but only in small amounts.

[GeezerSue 7]

Originally posted by Kiwigirl

White bread is a no no and lettuce. I have no idea why, they just give me a big pain.

I suspect that they each--in their own way--block your stoma. The bread turns into concrete and the lettuce lays down a little "mesh screen," and then your stomach tells your brain that there's a blockage and the brain starts pumping saliva just when you don't need anything else in that esophagus, and next thing you know, you're a hiccuping, barfing, spitting mess...or at least I am.

[GeezerSue 7]

Sultana,

I think you are absolutely on-target normal. This is the first time you have had to consider losing the "tool" you have utilized to deal with happiness, anger, loneliness, fear, isolation, frustration, pain, abandonment, jubilation, whatever... IMHO, I think you'd be a moron to not be a little concerned about on what terms you are going to meet life in the absence of your "tool."

Sue

[Kiera 2]

I was banded 4/28 and it was not until the week after banding that I really started to feel the "loss". I had my last suppers in the weeks before surgery - I was eating out every other night those last couple weeks, LOL. The bizarre thing is I LOST weight those two weeks - it was perverse I tell you!

Anyways, right after I got the band I was really depressed - i was taken by surprise by that fact. It hit me like a ton of bricks for about a week and a half or so. I was not only grieving the loss of foods but I was also beating myself up for needing surgery to fix myself after having let myself get into such a state. I did not expect it and it took me time to get myself evened out again. Finally at about two weeks after surgery I went and got an ice cream sunday and child sized hamburger at the local burger place. It was SO wrong and yet OH SO theraputic. I could only eat the meat from the burger (VERY SLOWLY) and I put a serious dent in the ice cream. Oddly enough that helped me to get over it. Perhaps it was just old habits dying hard - but also it was sort a reaffirmation for me that all was not lost. Yeah, in the old days that "binge" would have been a serious sized burger, large fries, coke and ice cream - but I *could* still eat junk. As it was I probably ate 350 calories or so during that little breakdown - instead of the 1700+ in the old days.

I am sure that sounds nuts but I think some part of me just needed to know that I could still eat - just less and a bit differently - but I COULD still eat. It was a turning point for me actually. After that it was more about making the choice to eat right and that made all the difference.

I think part of the problem for me was that I read posts from other banders who's doctors were telling them to plan to never eat out again and stuff like that. I was worried I could never be social again or something. Whatever you do - DO NOT fall for that load of bunk. I eat lunch with the guys at work every day. I just get something small or ask for a half serving. I eat so slow these days that I usually finish about the same time as everybody else and once they got used to seeing such small quantities on my plate they don't even notice anything different.

I love Chinese food. my husband and I have worked out a sytem - because ordering a whole dish for me is a waste unless we want to bring some home. So what we do is get me an order of Soup as my main course - and he orders a main dish we both like. I eat my Soup and then a few bites of whatever he has. I have turned into a really cheap date, LOL. They looked at me weird the first time but it does not have to be a big deal.

Another technique I have used is to ask for a to-go plate when they bring the meal. Then I immediately chop half (or more) of the meal off and put it in the to-go container. This helps A LOT because it is very very VERY hard for me to leave food on the plate and walk away (again, old habits die hard). By taking the food off the plate before I start eating I am able to better control my portions and give myself permission to not eat every bite. Again, the wait staff might look at you funny but eh - big deal!

As long as you have strategies for dealing with food you will do fine. Just be sure to do lots of thinking so that you don't get caught by surprise like I was. Even if you do, all you can do is be aware of the issues and deal with the problems as soon as they surface. You'll do fine!

[Sultana 0]

Hi Kiera and all others who replied.

Well, I am banded. I so wish I felt jubliant like so many of you have reported, but I just had to interrupt this message because of a Migraine (dull pain now), and I feel so depressed. This is two days after my surgery, and I have only eaten one egg and lots of Clear Liquids. I probably shouldn't have, but I weighed myself, and I have not lost even one pound. My face is bloaty and has been flushed for days. I learned from a group of student doctors who came by after my surgery that Dr. Kurian fixed a hiatal hernia which I didn't even know I had. I am a very allergic person, and I suspect that maybe some of the tons of the drugs they pumped into me did not agree. At any rate, I sure do hope things improve. The good news is that my incisions have steadily improved and I have a wonderful husband who is cooking for me right now. You know, I feel a little guilty and selfish sending this out because I don't want to discourage others with my whining. I just could really use some encouragement. Thanks so much for all your replies; I can't tell you how much it helps.

Sultana

[Alexandra 55]

The first few days after banding are really hard for some people, Sultana. PLEASE don't worry about your weight, or even eating at this point. You should still be on a liquid diet and it may take a few days but there will definitely come a dip of a few pounds as your body loses the fluids it's holding on to.

It sounds like you're having a hard time just recovering from the fact of having had surgery of any kind--I know how that feels, I had some of the same reaction. It wasn't until the fifth day after surgery that my head felt completely clear!

Take care of yourself now, that's all you have to worry about. Good on your husband for taking over for you! You are entitled to some whining, you've been through a physical ordeal and need to just heal for a while. Be good to yourself!!

And Happy New Year!!

[Kiera 2]

Sultana, welcome to the other side!

I hear you about the post surgery business. I was a wreck for at LEAST the first two weeks. I mostly just slept and sat around feeling sorry for myself, LOL. It took about a month for me to really feel "normal" again. Other people bounce right back. Everybody is different and you cannot fairly compare yourself. Don't should yourself - just relax and let your body heal. You will feel better when you feel better. The best thing to do is keep yourself distracted and not dwell on things too much (like I did! .

Remember not to worry about the weight right now. They have had you hooked up to IVs and that can pack the Water weight on you. Do yourself a favor - only weigh yourself once a week, first thing in the morning when you are still "empty."

If you don't have any Protein shakes I would recommend getting some - they are easier to get down than eggs (at least they were for me). More Protein will help with the depressed tired body part. I recommend these two products - my favorite are the champion chocolate and apple nectar flavors.

This one tastes a lot like quick chocolate milk: http://www.wlssuccess.com/champion.htm

These flavors are fruity and not milky at all - sort of like juice: http://www.wlssuccess.com/nectar.htm

If shakes are not filling enough for you try blending up a banana in them for additional bulk. If you freeze the (peeled) bananas and then blend them they act as ice cubes and make a VERY satisfactory milkshake. They taste decadant!

My doctor recommended staying on liquids and soft foods for the first month to six weeks. Most US doctors seem to be a bit more liberal about that - it is weird how it varies from doc to doc. I had mixed success with being able to do that - the business with the kiddy burger for example. But on the whole it was not too horrible. I ate lots of hot and sour Soup and other soupy favs of mine.

Keep your chin up. I hope you feel better soon! Happy New Years!

[Sultana 0]

Kiera and Alexandra,

Thanks so much! I am crying, and I am really not an emotional person; I think this surgery has really affected me on so many levels. I keep telling myself that this will pass. I am just trying to deal with the gas--(did you just keep burping?? and the other ), the allergy problems, and the general malaise. I am a take charge kind of person, and that is just not applicable here, so I am depressed.

Let me ask you this, and I know that answers are individual: How much did you eat post op? Today I had an egg, some pureed Soup (about 3/4 cup), and 2 bites of cottage cheese in addition to lots of liquids. Do you think I am overdoing it? Again, ladies, you are wonderful and I will be sure to repay in kind to some other rookie. Now I am crying again. WHAT????

Sultana