Upset about Friend getting banded who hasnt even tried to lose weight

[Liftingchic 0]

I know this might sound mean spirited of me but Its really upsets me that a Friend of mine is getting banded when she hasnt even tried to lose weight without. She thinks this is going to be the easy way out. How does one know that she cant lose weight without the band? I dont get why a doctor would do the surgery if the patient hasnt attempted to lose weight other ways.

I know i should find something to worry about, but i just wanted to get this off my chest :confused:

[ICUnurserachel 17]

Has she been though the evaluation process yet? I know my insurance wouldn't pay for the band unless I had a 5 year documented weight history and documentation that I had tried other things.

Allot of people think this is an easy way out and when they get banded realize they have to do the work. They are usually the ones that are non compliant and end up blaming the bad for their not losing weight or being successful at it. Hopefully as she goes through the evals she will realize that he has to change everything about the way she eats and sees food.

[Blaze21 5]

Maybe she'll get the band and learn the hard way. Some people think it's easy and they're looking to cheat their way through life.

[iwannabealoser 0]

Well honestly, I have to say I am in a similar position. I have tried the Weight Watchers for couple months and I tried Phentermine(?) for a couple weeks but thats it. Honestly, I KNOW that diets are just diets and dont work long term (usually). I didnt want to waste my time/money with Atkins or south beach or anything else like that because I knew it wasnt realistic to do that my whole life. I think with the band though that it will be a lifestyle change that I am ready to make. The band will be with me everyday, not like weight watchers where i have one supportive meeting a week. Just my two cents but I can see where you could be frustrated too. You feel like you have put more effort into this and maybe deserve it more but Im sure your friend would still like some support.

[Jachut 487]

I have to say, it does sound REALLY mean!

What business is it of yours, really? Stastically, virtually nobody loses a lot of weight successfully and then keeps it off, its really very very unlikely to happen. Why should she put herself through that for nothing?

And she'll learn soon enough how it really is. Can you honestly say a tiny part of you didnt think this would be easy? Why would we DO this if it wasnt because we thought it would work? And it IS easier than dieting unaided.

Sorry to be so blunt, but I really loathe the "you have to deserve this surgery" attitude so many display here. You have to be THIS fat or have tried for THIS long or be THIS sick. Its a personal decision to have the surgery and really no business of anyone else's.

[Teacher07 3]

I have to agree with Jachut on this one. I think it sounds rather mean too! Why wouldn't you be happy for your friend, you obviously know what its like to try and fail something repeatedly so why would you want your friend to go through that as well? Lap band isn't technically the easy way out, it is a tool but it is ALOT easier than doing it alone, and I will argue any day of the week with anyone on that subject. I say be happy that will have someone in your life that will be going through the same thing that you are. I think Jachut and I can honestly say that we would recommend this to anyone who needs it even if they haven't wasted their money on every diet under the sun!

[Liftingchic 0]

I did say it sounded mean spirit.. So i am not surpised about it...

My thing is that I dont like the laziness she displays.. I work 70+ hours a week and yet i can find the time to get to the gym at least an hour 6 days a week. But she cant seem to find the time?

If you cant workout and try to eat healthly before the surgery what makes you think you are going to do it after the surgery?

I am happy for her, I dont think its my right to tell her she should or shouldnt get the surgery , THAT IS WHY I HAVENT SAID ANYTHING TO HER and have said it here. Some of it could be a bit of jealously on my part, She is one of the bigger girls that is cute and i am sure she will be cute when she loses weight.. But I want her to lose the weight, but I want her to know this isnt an EASY way out and you still need to work at it...

I figured i would get these types of post$ but like i said before I just wanted to get it off my chest :confused: Either way It doesnt really affect me and I am sure as heck sleeping good at night

Edited June 2, 2010 by Liftingchic

[emjay 8]

I think your friend will find out soon enough that there is work with the band. She may lose weight, but she is more than likely not going to lose it all unless changes are made. The best thing you can do for her is not judge her, be happy for her trying to get healthy and support her when she struggles along the way. Just gently remind her of what she needs to do, not harp on what she is doing wrong. It may appear to you that she hasn't tried to diet or exercise, but she may not be telling you everything either.

Don't work yourself up because it appears she hasn't tried to lose weight on her own. Celebrate the fact that she is willing to do something about it.

[cwm812 11]

Are you really sure that she hasn't tried to lose weight on her own? Most of my friends have no idea about the diets I've tried and failed at. I was always a fat kid and by the time I was an adult, I felt that what I ate or didn't eat was my business. When I went on a diet, I'd never tell a soul, unless it worked. Most of my friends (and even my husband) only know about 20% of the diets I've tried. I'm sure there are a few people who think I didn't try hard enough on my own....they have no idea!

Cindy

[Jenniferczap 0]

Hi!... I live in Moon Twp. We aren't that far from each other. I am getting banded on 6/14. Where was your surgery at?

[Marine mom 3]

Are you really sure that she hasn't tried to lose weight on her own? Most of my friends have no idea about the diets I've tried and failed at. I was always a fat kid and by the time I was an adult, I felt that what I ate or didn't eat was my business. When I went on a diet, I'd never tell a soul, unless it worked. Most of my friends (and even my husband) only know about 20% of the diets I've tried. I'm sure there are a few people who think I didn't try hard enough on my own....they have no idea!

Cindy

No kidding. And I know very few people who work out 6 days a week at the gym. I don't go to a gym at all but that doesn't mean I don't exercise, or that I didn't before I was banded.

I wish I had this surgery before I did all of the yoyoing I did. I hope things work out for her.

[Momto3redheads 18]

Hang on - so we don't deserve the band unless we work out? I guess I shouldn't have mine, then - I am a fulll time working mother of three (meaning I work darn near 24 hrs a day) and I don't go to the gym - haven't since college, probably. Thankfully my insurance company doesn't have your view and approved me!

I guess on one hand I can sorta kinda understand why you feel the way you do - as folks do seem to portray the you gotta earn it attitude on here, but on the other hand I agree it is none of our business who has or hasn't done "enough" to qualify as being band-eligible. You know? Focus more on the fact that she wants to get healthy, regardless of what she has/is currently doing - and be a good friend and support her. That's what she needs.

I can't tell you how many people make comments like "well if you really TRIED to lose weight you could do it without surgery..." etc.....and most of them have absolutely NO CLUE what I tried or have done. I just blew them off - as little do they know getting the band was the hardest thing I ever did - no easy fix, like I think they all seem to think it is!

I guess my advice would be not to judge her...be a true friend and support her!

[Liftingchic 0]

Totally understand where everyone is coming from.. I just want her to be successful at this.. And not use excuses on why she cant get to the gym and eat healthy you know...

[alycejo 0]

This is a bit off the topic but I had a friend of mine say to me "Oh I wish I was fat so that I could get lap band and not worry about what I eat anymore". Considering she knew I've been overweight my whole life and I have been 'dieting' since I was primary school then I'm sure she knew that I never chose to be this way. I don't think anyone should judge one's decision to do this, but I think people just have a misperception about the whole thing, which really needs to be changed

[honk 780]

I'm sorry but I think you are really off base. If your friend got cancer and was a smoker would you say they didn't deserve treatment because they knew smoking was bad for them. Hopefully not. You have probably heard of the "fat friend syndrome". Were you secretly hoping she would now be the fat one of your group?

While I am still PreOp I exercise every day (weekends, holidays, days I feel like crap); but that does'nt mean I expect everyone to live by my rules. Maybe she does'nt feel comfortable going to the gym. It can be very intiminating. I have had young children in the changing room say to their mothers "that lady is fat!". Do the mother's chastise their children? No Do they apologize? No. I would bet that if that happened to some people on this board even after the surgery they would'nt go back.