Am I a lair?

[elsiesmommy 0]

So i haven't exactly told many people that I've got the band...I'm now down about 100lbs from my highest weight and people finally notice. Its taken me 3yrs (only 60lbs and 10mo post op) to loose this weight. As most of us with the band know its still hard work to lose the weight and it hasn't been an easy road.I workout like crazy and run 3-5 times a week. When people ask what I've done to lose the weight I never tell them I've got the band I only say I changed what I eat and then I talk about my workouts and the fact that I've done a half marathon and plan to do another one in Sept. Mostly this is co workers and I've even helped start a Biggest Loser group at my job and many people are coming to me for advice. Am I lying to them all? We have another co worker who had the RNY surgery and she is very open about it and everyone knows but she is also labeled as one who took the easy way out and we all know she never works out and is always eating the wrong things and getting sick right after too so really it gives WLS a bad name because people often don't know the differences of the band and bypass. Anyways I'm starting to feel guilty but now I don't want to come clean either because then I feel like they will really think I lied to them but I guess I like to think of it as not giving all the details. Yet I still feel guilty there are a couple people who are pretty large that maybe would like to know how I really did this but I also want my hard work to get the most credit not the band.

UGH anyone else deal with this? Any advice you can give me would be great. I know I should be proud of my band but I'm so afraid of being judged and having them all forget about my hard work.

[btrieger 21]

Screw what anyone else thinks!

Tell those that you trust and ignore everyone else.

[Jachut 487]

Its a personal decision who to tell.

Personally, I tell if people ask becuase I do feel sort of bad about people thinking I had this amazing willpower. In one sense, I guess I should give myself credit for that, because like you I'm a runner and that's not an easy thing to become or maintain. Its down to pure hard work and discipline. But I love it so much I kind of feel like even that is "cheating", lol.

Eating wise, I could never ever have done this without a band, personally I'm very reliant on the Portion Control it gives me. I'm not a disciplined eater, and I just cant/wont "diet".

I dont want people to think that I could do something that they cant and feel bad about themselves for that. So I do tell. But I still dont think its "lying" to not tell. I havent told anyone here at work, but I've never told them that I lost 100lb either- they think I'm just a naturally normal weight person.

[CarolD771 1]

To tell or not to tell is your own business. Your not lying, you Have changed your eating and lifestyle.

With work people you heard their comments about the "easy way". their is NO easy way. Your young and still worry about what peole think. I'm old enough to not care what people think. You've done "Great" .

You should be Very Proud of all the hard work you've done!!!

Just Love Yourself,

Carol D'

[HDmama 0]

I can totally relate.

Only my hubby, mom, and in-laws know (and one friend) -and I didn't want to tell people initially because I didn't want the negativity that I knew would come with it from others (it was bad enough hearing that I was taking the "easy" way out from hubby, I didn't want to hear it from anyone else). And as I get more and more people asking me what I did, I do sometimes feel like I'm "lying" - but really - I DID THE WORK....yes, I had some help - but honestly - the band does NOT help me/make me get on the treadmill/elliptical/bike or whatever else I do DAILY. It does not make it so that running is easy for me (but I run because I can and it's a challenge and because I want to push myself) - it does not make my choices on what I put in my body - the only thing it really does is help me not eat as much and makes me more conscious of WHAT I choose to eat because I certainly didn't go through this to not be successful. It's NOT easy (whether you have the band or not)...I have very little Fluid in my band (only had two small fills) - I can pretty much eat what I want, but I don't - I make good choices and I exercise...so those are the things I have to remind myself of when I start feeling guilty about not divulging the "whole truth".

I feel like if I told people, they'd discount all the hard work that I've put into this and just give all the credit to the fact that I had WLS - which is just not true...I know someone else who had the same surgery but chooses not to work out and not to eat the way she should, and guess what - she doesn't look any different today than when she had surgery...in fact, I didn't even know she had lapband until I overheard her talking to someone about how it doesn't work....

[crzytchr 3]

I dont want people to think that I could do something that they cant and feel bad about themselves for that. So I do tell. But I still dont think its "lying" to not tell. I havent told anyone here at work, but I've never told them that I lost 100lb either- they think I'm just a naturally normal weight person.

This is why I don't keep it a secret. Someone I worked with was banded and didn't tell. When my friend and I would ask what she was doing she would coyly smile and say I am just eating less and working out a little. Technically true, but it did make me feel like a failure, because I couldn't do that. And let's be honest...none of us were able to take it off and KEEP it off before this, or we wouldn't have been banded.

But, it is a personal decision whether or not to tell and the only reason I do tell, is that I feel it may help someone else who needs it. Also, I am 42, and couldn't possibly care any less what other people think. I have a good support system at home and that is all that matters.

Oh, and we found out that the person at work was banded, because she told one person, who told one person,..you get the picture. If you really don't want people to know, then tell no one except immediate family and even that could be a crap shoot.

[BetsyB 9]

You're not a liar; you are eating differently and exercising more. The fact that you choose not to reveal you have a band does not change these things.

I do tell people--but I don't freely volunteer it to everyone. I used to be more reticent, but remembered that the father of one of my son's friends reluctantly told me about HIS band --and knowing he'd had such good success helped me make my decision. I decided, at that time, to offer the information, when comfortable, because it might help someone else like I had been helped.

Still, it's not something I volunteer to everyone who asks about my weight. It's not something I slap on my Facebook or whatever. It's part of the equation for my loss--not the whole thing.

[LapNYC 3]

I've also been pretty quiet about the band and feel a little bad about it too. On the other hand, I don't feel like talking about it (or my weight in general) all day and it's none of anyone's business. The downside is that everyone is asking if I'm ok. I don't think I'd be dropping off at nursery school in my gym clothes every day if I were on my way to chemo, but this is the explanation some people have come up with.

It's funny, I have a friend who lost a ton of weight after having her daughter and it suddenly occurred to me that she might have a band, given a couple things I've noticed over time. This revelation, true or not, didn't make me upset with her, even though her "willpower" did make me feel like a big loser at the time. I can understand not wanting to tell me, so I'm guessing that your friends would understand too.

We did IVF to have our kids and I was totally hush hush about it for several years. Now I'm the IVF poster child. Something about being after the fact made me totally relax and open up about it. So I'm thinking the band might work the same way. Once this phase is long in the past maybe you will feel like talking about it. Or maybe not! The good thing is, it's totally up to you.

[adagray 1]

Don't feel bad. If you want to tell people now, I would go ahead and let them know the only reason you didn't tell them before was because of your own self-doubt... you didn't want to advertise something that you weren't sure would even work for you, but now that it has, you want to share. I think most people would understand that and not feel betrayed.

But, if you don't REALLY want to tell, don't feel like you have to. I think the hard thing is that you said you've become kind of a proponent or leader of weightloss in your group. For me, I don't think I could do that without full disclosure. I also didn't join 'The Biggest Loser' contest at my Jazzercise center because I felt my band gave me an unfair advantage. I openly tell everyone about my surgery and told the ladies there that's why I wasn't entering the contest. When I said that, there were a couple of them that said 'oh yeah, you better not enter, that wouldn't be fair'. And, I totally understand where they are coming from because although the band isn't doing all the work for me, it is making it possible for me to lose weight faster and easier than I ever have before. Let's face it, none of us would go through the pain and expense of surgery if we didn't believe it would give us a big advantage to finally get the weight off and keep it off for good.

[Nean4488 1]

I also didn't join 'The Biggest Loser' contest at my Jazzercise center because I felt my band gave me an unfair advantage. I openly tell everyone about my surgery and told the ladies there that's why I wasn't entering the contest. When I said that, there were a couple of them that said 'oh yeah, you better not enter, that wouldn't be fair'.

My gym is having a get fit contest and i am thinking about joining. Its 12 weeks. I just got banded and its not like the weight is flying off. First place is 10k.... I have so many school debt that its hard for me to tell myself not to try and join and win that money. Is it really the unfair ?!?!?

[adagray 1]

My gym is having a get fit contest and i am thinking about joining. Its 12 weeks. I just got banded and its not like the weight is flying off. First place is 10k.... I have so many school debt that its hard for me to tell myself not to try and join and win that money. Is it really the unfair ?!?!?

Wow! 10K!!! Well, in this case I'm guessing you belong to a big gym and its a contest with a lot of people. Chances are you are not the first person wanting to join the contest who has had surgery. Maybe check w/the person running the contest. If they don't have a rule against it, then go for it. I'm assuming you don't know the other participants personally and there may be others in the contest who have had surgery too. In my case, it just didn't feel right because it was a small group contest (just our center) w/all the ladies knowing each other. I really doubt any of the others have had weightloss surgery and I am friends w/the franchise owner and didn't want to put her in an awkward position by asking if I could join. But, if its a big gym, I might feel different.

BTW, I often wonder if some of the participants on actual 'Biggest Loser Show' have had surgery. Honestly, I kind of hope that they have because then they will have more of a chance of keeping their weight off.

[Nean4488 1]

Wow! 10K!!! Well, in this case I'm guessing you belong to a big gym and its a contest with a lot of people. Chances are you are not the first person wanting to join the contest who has had surgery. Maybe check w/the person running the contest. If they don't have a rule against it, then go for it. I'm assuming you don't know the other participants personally and there may be others in the contest who have had surgery too. In my case, it just didn't feel right because it was a small group contest (just our center) w/all the ladies knowing each other. I really doubt any of the others have had weightloss surgery and I am friends w/the franchise owner and didn't want to put her in an awkward position by asking if I could join. But, if its a big gym, I might feel different.

BTW, I often wonder if some of the participants on actual 'Biggest Loser Show' have had surgery. Honestly, I kind of hope that they have because then they will have more of a chance of keeping their weight off.

Ya it is a big gym, my personal trainer knows I had the surgery because I had to stop seeing him while I heal. 10k is a lot of money and it will bring me out of my credit card debt (those school loans are still a killer though). Sign up is next weekend and I think I am just going to go sign up and hopefully no one asks me any questions! 10k is a huge motivation! haha

There was one season when one of the guys had gastric bypass, lost weight and then gained it all back. So if they did, they would have prolly told us about it. The new winner, mike, he lives around me and my friend is his personal trainer at the gym he works out at. He has lost over 200 pounds all by himself. During this season they did bring season ones winner on the show, and he did gain a lot of the weight back!

[btrieger 21]

During this season they did bring season ones winner on the show, and he did gain a lot of the weight back!

This is why I don't think of my band as much as a weight loss tool as I do a tool to keep me from regaining.

Anybody can lose weight if they try. It's not putting it back on that is the killer.

[msmith73 0]

I don't think your lying at all. It has taken you 3 years, and alot of hard work. I say congrats, and keep it going :cursing:

[msmith73 0]

My gym is having a get fit contest and i am thinking about joining. Its 12 weeks. I just got banded and its not like the weight is flying off. First place is 10k.... I have so many school debt that its hard for me to tell myself not to try and join and win that money. Is it really the unfair ?!?!?

In this case I'd say - yes :cursing: 10 k cash prize is not worth something blowing up on you later. I think you'd have to be up front, and say you had the band done. Then let the powers to be running the challenge give you a decion.