A little off topic..family support

[smilinginside 16]

I just have a question for some people, okay so,,, some of my family know about my surgery and that i was banded the ones i know who would support me i told, the ones who think that its laziness that i dident loose the weight myself.The others i wont tell tell i know that i can deal with their negativity. The only problem is my bf, we have ben dating for just ver 4 months, i would have told him, if maybe he asked what i was going for, but he never did until today 5 days after surgery. He was away at work while i had my surgery he was supportive, but when he txt me today and asked me what i went for surgery for i couldent answer, i havent yet, i dont know what to say, im affraid of what he will say, what i keep running over in my head is why did he never ask what i was going for???

[BetsyB 9]

It's probably a good idea not to play games. Withholding information because--for whatever reason--he did not ask in the way and at the time you would have preferred (perhaps afraid it was a personal, "female" thing, otherwise you would have TOLD him) is just plain silly.

Maybe he's wondering why you didn't trust him enough to confide what you were having done. As you nurse your hurt feelings (and spin reasons not to tell him, because you are scared people will judge you for having bariatric surgery), have you thought of his?

Seriously. Stop playing games.

He ASKED. Tell him, or don't tell him. But don't try to convince yourself that he doesn't deserve to know because he didn't show the appropriate level of interest at the right time.

If you don't want to tell him, it's because you're afraid of his judgment. NOT because he did anything wrong.

FWIW, none of the people I thought might be judgmental have been. I hope you find the same to be true.

[AnneGG 0]

Tell him straight, otherwise what's the relationship worth? Especially about something so important to you! What will the future of the relationship be if you are withholding?

And be proud of yourself for taking such a major step to improve your well being!

[Drasan 23]

I have to second Betsy's response!

Good response Betsy. I do love reading your posts.

[sslouha 3]

Go ahead and tell him, he asked be honest, if he is a great guy he will understand,:tongue2: if he is shallow :thumbdown:well it is better to know now than a year down the road.

Good luck!

[smilinginside 16]

well i took your advice and told him, i wasent playing games, just wasent ready to tell was affradi how he would respond, i guess i was right... he left

[BetsyB 9]

Did he give a reason for leaving? (I'm really sorry he is such a disappointment of a man.)

[smilinginside 16]

well i asked him i said you knew i was going in for surgery , but you never asked why, and he said does it matter? i said to me it does im was going under, getting operated on and you dident seam to care, and he said well maybe this isint working then.. and he left

[AnneGG 0]

It never works to try to hold on to a relationship out of fear. I admire your courage in telling him, and facing what you were afraid of. He's simply not worth it, given his response.

[misscristie 0]

IMHO, you're better off anyway. A man who doesn't care why his woman is having surgery isn't worth having.

Just my 2 cents.

[Karlzmom 1]

well i took your advice and told him, i wasent playing games, just wasent ready to tell was affradi how he would respond, i guess i was right... he left

sorry you are going through this, but i have to say better to get it over with, eh? If he's not able to handle the truth/issue/change in lifestyle/etc. so much the better to be over with it quickly rather than going on thinking the relationship was more serious/committed/going somewhere than it was. You deserve someone who is really there for you. Best of luck!

[csmart 0]

I support you, I am not sure I would have shared with him after 4 months and little interest til now. But this is meant to be for some reason. I am not sure all the "advice" you get on here is right for everyone- especially from some people that obviously know whats best for everyone haha!! Good Luck to you!!