Does your partner/Spouse frustrate you?

[RaeZur 0]

I am not banded yet, went to my first WL Seminar on 5/12 and decided to go with the Lap-band rather than Gastric Bypass. I informed my partner of the decision and she hasn't really said a whole lot about it since. I try to spark conversation, because I am super-excited about getting control of my weight and starting a new lifestyle. She honestly hasn't been very interested when I talk about it.

Out of the blue today she calls me kinda hysterically telling me one of her clients (she is a hairstylist), had the lap-band procedure over a year ago and only lost 30 lbs and has basically given up. The woman apparently now wishes she had gone the other route. She also doesn't want to invest in a personal trainer because apparently she has spent way too much on weight loss. (These are in my g/f's words...)

So the first thing I ask is what is her fill at? Is she still exercising? At what point did she give up and what was her weight loss at that point?

Well, apparently the woman had already left the salon. But my g/f just sits there blank. She of course has no idea what I am talking about. Had she been interested in my previous attempts at conversation starters with her, she would have known what I was speaking of.

She simply ends our conversation with "I think you should consider the Bypass because I don't want you to be disappointed like this woman."

It seems to me that this woman had no will power to make the tool that she had been given work for her. I really think a lot of folks think that they will get this miracle band and everything will melt away....

My g/f also said the woman can eat anything she wants without feeling full...blah blah blah..she also said that the doctor's office "lies" to you tells you it is reversible and it isn't. I laughed at that one. (I of course know that this is untrue, my surgeon addressed this question in my WL Seminar)

Seems to me she just stopped getting filled and gave up..

I have seen too many success stories to let this one woman's experience (which I am only getting the edited part of the story I am sure) influence my decision.

My question is is their anyone out there that has given it an honest go and just has regretted their decision and wanted the bypass instead?

I know that the initial weight loss rates are low with the band, but aren't we supposed to end up even keel with the bypass folks 5 years down the road or so?

Edited May 22, 2010 by RaeZur

[LeighaMason 19]

I personally know 2 people who have had weight loss surgery that didn't work. This is my impression of their stories.

Before I was banded a lady that I play cards with tried to talk me out of getting banded. She actually weighs more than she did when she got the band, however, when we play cards it lasts about 10 hours so I see her eating habits. She eats every 30 min to an hour just a little, so she is a grazer. She eats a half a sandwich, 30 min later, a personal size bag of chips, an hour later a candy bar, 30 min later a Dr Pepper, etc for 10 hours. Of course she hasn't lost weight. But I knew my eating habits were different. I ate 2 or 3 LARGE meals a day, so now I eat 3 small meals a day and I have had success with the band.

Another lady I know (acquaintance) had bypass, she lost 150 pounds her first year. Then she started back to her old eating habits of sugar and sweets. She gained it all back plus some.

My step sister had gastric and lost over 100 and says she no longer even has an interest in food, and has maintained well.

I also know 2 other ladies who are banded. One who lost 100 pounds and has kept it off, well she goes up and down about 10 pounds here and there, but has maintained pretty well for over 4 years. The other lady had hers done in the middle of 2009 and has lost close to 100 but is still in the process.

So basically I personally know 6 people with WLS.

1) 1 Band-No loss

2) 1 Band-100% of excess weight lost and maintaining.

3) 2 Bands- Still in process of losing, doing well

4) 1 Bypass- Total regain

5) 1 Bypass- 100% of excess weight loss and maintaining.

I think you can find someone who has failed at anything. You just have to be sure that you are going to be able to live the banded life style. Some people don't find out until after they are banded that they don't want to live a life that is so structured.

[getnthere 0]

I think your partener just may be a little scared at whats going to happen if you get surgery. Maybe she thinks you are going to be dissipointed in the results or maybe shes just like my husband, he really had no interest in the process before i had it done but now that I have it he seems to have learned more and puts more attention into our conversations. I think with him he really didn't know what to think at first because he had beed through so many failed attempts with weight loss with me and just thought here we go again.

[gingerjane 5]

I have to agree with the above post. You're going to find people that fail and succeed at everything. I do know a girl that had the band over a year ago and has only lost about 25 lbs. I think that something is wrong with her band or she's not following the rules. She claims that her band is completely full but I've seen her eat everything, drink soda and have no issues. When I went for my seminar, my doc talked about how in some cases, surgeons who do not specialize in the gastric procedures will forget to lock the band, so when people have fills, it actually just opens it up more.

I just had a fill on Wednesday and could barely get down three chicken nuggets at lunch today. So...I think that you really have to maintain your band - get your fills, etc. And avoid slider foods. I try to go Protein first - always. My doc said it's like "plugging a drain". You eat the Protein first to "plug" the drain and then your veggies, etc., afterwards. Not everyone does that. And I wait before drinking. I might have 2 sips during dinner but then I wait a half hour before actually drinking something.

You'll do good. Tell her to not let other people scare her about your success. We're not all skinny today - so we can't say that the same things will happen to everyone.

Good luck!

[RaeZur 0]

Thank you everyone for your responses, I am feel so much validity in all of your responses pertaining to my situation.

I have no issue with living a structured lifestyle, I actually prefer routine, I feel uneasy when I have to break routine. So I think I will do well with either procedure.

I do think that my partner is feeling like this is just another WL attempt but I also think maybe she is a bit jealous, she herself is overweight and I think she is a bit scared at the fact that i may actually be able to lose the weight and afraid that may leave her behind, she has never said this outright but I sense it.

Also, I agree that their can be failure at anything you do. I really think what it comes down to is learning as much as you can about the band and make it work for you. Like I said before this is not an easy fix. I understand that. I am willing to put in the time and effort to make it work for me forever!

I am trying to absorb all of the information I can before I start the process so I can make an educated choice as well as ask some tough questions once I start going to support groups and seminars at the Baritric Center that I will be banded at.

I can't be more excited about this change, no one is going to pee in my corn flakes!

LOL.

Thank you all again for keeping me motivated on my journey to a healthier life!

[BetsyB 9]

I really think what it comes down to is learning as much as you can about the band and make it work for you.

Yep, you're absolutely right! You're approaching it wisely, and that is predictive of success.

I'm sorry you're frustrated---I think it's really difficult, sometimes, for people who are not in our shoes to really get it.

[IAmJacksLapBand 5]

My family really kept me away from WLS. One of our dear friends died from complications of bypass in 2003. It was a horrible loss not to mention her psychological issues. She had become convinced that she was not slim enough and continued to lose unhealthy amounts of weight after losing 100% of her excess. This really put a sour taste in the family's mouth and I put WLS options aside for 6 years.

My boyfriend was against it at first thinking it was a hurried decision on my part. I had been preparing for this, trying to get my behaviors in order for life after the band long before I mentioned it to him.

When I finally informed him of my decision he was hesitant and really did not know where he would fit in the process. I invited him to meet the surgeon, go to seminars and support groups, or work to adjust his eating habits for a healthier life for both of us. He still remains distant.

Now that I am banded, he is very happy for me and my loss. He sees how happy I am and how the quality of my life has improved. He has admitted that he will not change his habits and that he is proud of me for committing to a new relationship with food in cooperation with the band. He said it is something he could never ever do. BUT, when we dine he is the one keeping me in check reminding me to slow down and moving dishes out of the way so I do not hurt myself.

I do not mind his decision but hope as our lives continue that he will see the importance of better eating and exercising habits. There are some things he cannot do because of his weight, and he is 70 lbs lighter than I am, and I want him to be able to have those experiences.

If you have made your decision, hopefully your gf will come around as my partner did. The two of you are key to your success. You will need her support in the long run. And should you and the band not be the right solution, you can always consider conversion at that time.

[getnthere 0]

I think lots of talk and getting your partner informed will be of great benefit to you just dont push to hard. I have talked to several people at my support group meetings who have divorced or split since being banded. the changes one was going through without the other spouse caused them to feel left behind and neglected. Especially for those who eating out was their "thing to do " befor banding. Try to include your partner in all the things your going through and assure them that even though the out side you may change you still feel the same on the inside and everything will work out in time.