How to deal with not so positive people...

[Buggie1369 0]

I'm wondering how everyone deals with the not so positive. I told a few co-workers that I'm going to be banded and the response I got was "Why would you do that?" " you're giving up too easy" "you don't need it" etc.... I wasn't going to tell anyone because I was afraid of this.

[kagead 0]

Not to sound harsh, but you don't owe them an explanation and you have no reason to feel like you do.

A simple, "My Dr (family, significant other or whatever) and I have discussed this and I know it is the right decision for me at this time. I am sorry you can't be supportive, but I'm looking forward to a healthy future."

Let them say whatever they want. You aren't doing this for them, you are doing it for yourself. If they are small minded enough to belittle you this positive step, I am guessing they aren't too kind about other things as well.

Stay strong and best of luck to you!

kagead

[Buggie1369 0]

Thanks Kagead! You're right... this is a personal choice, and it is for me. This is why I love this community of bandsters... lots of positive thoughts and support! I feel better already

[kagead 0]

Glad to help and am happy you didn't take offense to a little "tough love!"

I have read way too many threads from people who have been so discouraged by those around them that they are ready to give up. It makes me crazy.

I think many of us feel we have to justify ourselves to others, no matter who they are- coworkers, nasty in-laws, parents, siblings and family members who have never been supportive of anything, etc. Why give these people so much power? I can't wrap my brain around it.

I have been extremely lucky that every single person I have told has been nothing but supportive. Some are deeply concerned and have very serious doubts about me taking this drastic step, but they are voicing their concerns in a non-judgmental way and I am grateful for that.

The only slightly snarky comment came from someone I know casually and honestly, her opinion doesn't matter much to me one way or another so it was like Water off a duck's back. I don't hold her in particularly high esteem, so no way would I let her affect mine.

Wonder what your coworkers will be saying when you start hitting your stride! Living well is the best revenge so have fun with it!

kagead

[Paulax 8]

Good advice kagead!

Buggie, I chose not to tell many people at all. Those who aren't positive about my decision, I could care less, ESPEICALLY now that I have been at goal for over 2 years.

I can finally forgetabout the dieting. I can finally feel active and positive again. I can almost forget about my former fat self. The naysayers, can keep keep talking. I am done.

good luck to you my dear

Paula<--- at goal and loving it

[kurby 0]

the one person i'm a little afraid to tell is my aunt in england. she's a dr (retired) and i just don't think i could handle a "just cut back on what you eat and don't eat sugar" speech (i actually don't know what she'd say)

she's been concerned with my weight for years but i don't know how she'll

react.

i'm hoping to get banded in August and she's coming for a visit in September. not sure if i should talk to her on the phone before or just wait until she comes and tell her what i did.

you don't owe anyone an explanation before or after your surgery - i find it very interesting that people think they have the right to tell you your wrong for doing somthing when it comes to weight but if you were a druggy or alcholic they'd applaud you for taking steps to become healthy.

[CrabbyCrab 0]

if you don't want to tell your aunt, dont!

If you do want to tell people, but want to stop anyting negative before she starts with it you can try telling them something along the lines of what I told my mom (3 days before surgery lol).

Basically I said "I am having lapband surgery and while I appreciate everyones concerns and thoughts, if they aren't going to be supportive of MY decision, then I don't want to hear it. It was my decision to make, I made it on my own, and it wasn't made lightly and it isn't the easy way out as some people think. I don't mind questions because I know you don't know a lot about it, but please don't try to talk me out of it, it wont work and like I said, it was MY decision. I need positive and support and if you can't do that, that's fine, but I don't want to hear it"

It went surprisingly well. I had to be firm in the way I told her and of course there were a million questions but I'm 2 weeks post op and she's been nothing but supportive (my sister too...and her initial reaction was "you're crazy").

Good luck!!

[Doddie63 6]

I certainly agree with the advice given to make the decision yourself as to whom to tell. Your body is your personal concern. It is very easy to say "thank you" when people start commenting on your weight loss. How you are loosing is none of their business. Telling family/friends can result in unexpected reactions. I felt the need to tell my sister (who is morbidly obese like me). She was vicious in her reaction and has not spoke to me since. Word to the wise - be very cautious when you break the news. You never know the reaction you will get.

[Paulax 8]

Good advice kagead!

Buggie, I chose not to tell many people at all. Those who aren't positive about my decision, I could care less, ESPECIALLY now that I have been at goal for over 2 years.

I can finally forgetabout the dieting. I can finally feel active and positive again. I can almost forget about my former fat self. The naysayers, can keep keep talking. I am done.

good luck to you my dear

Paula<--- at goal and loving it

[2bslimsherri 0]

I chose not to tell anyone for this very reason. The only people who know are my husband and children.. I also don't have to deal with people watching everything that goes into my mouth and how much I loose......whAT i experience is people applauding my loss. I still have a long way to goal but am down almost 100 pounds and am 3 years out. Still on the journey....I'\m a slow looser. The thing is it's my journey at my own rate and I am glad I didn't tell anyone and have no one to answer to. Goood luck.

[nikki_att84 4]

not only is it ur own decision..but its ur own health..when ur stuck taking pills..going to doc appoitments..or not getting regular periods..and cant have kids..its not their lives..they dont go threw what u go threw every single day..so i dont see y people should even bother saying even the smallest thing like ''ur crazy'' ..u should said u dont know till you go threw it!!!

[Doddie63 6]

I think the reason people tell the ones closest to them very simple are looking for approval that they are making the right decisions. Unfortunately, negative responses upset the person asking. Even telling most family doctors, the reaction is negative although that scene is changing slowly. If I had to do over again my decision, I would tell absolutely no one. The decision would be mine and mine alone. Negative responses almost turned me from having the band, thank God these negative people did not succeed. I find the band a wonderful tool. I loose weight when I follow the program, maintain or regain slowly if I don't. But the bottom line is I am loosing weight. People I told about the band make snarky remarks or hint at my "failure" or try to push food at me to make me fail. I feel I am not failing, I am just having a weak moment but the band will get me back on track where in the old days, three weeks and I was in free fall with weight gain and nothing to stop me. Again,my advice, don't tell anyone but your fellow bandsters.