Relationship and food getting "Stuck" Questions

[RaeZur 0]

I told my mother and my partner about my desire to get lap-band surgery about 2 weeks ago. I have been talking about it off and on now for about a year.

So when I went to my first seminar and ultimately decided that this is what I wanted to do, they were happy for me. In the week or so that has followed, my mother and girlfriend have started to make comments about me becoming "skinny" and them having to do something about their own weight (both are easily 50+ lbs overweight). While I am happy about their decisions to make an effort to lose weight, I am a bit perturbed about them focusing on their own efforts. This is mainly because it seems their motivation may be out of jealousy that my insurance covers the surgery, rather than them actually realizing that they have food issues.

I am not meaning to be selfish here, and by all means I want them both to live healthier lives, but I wish they both would stop with this skinny mentality, because that is not what I see myself as in 1-2 years post-surgery, I see myself healthy, at 150lbs which is still "considered" overweight for my height, and by no means "skinny".

I am just wondering has anyone had any similar issues with family/partners? And has your siginificant weight loss caused stress in any of your relationships? Has it every caused fights and/or break-ups due to jealousy or self-esteem issues?

One last question totally on the other end of the spectrum, I have been reading a lot about this getting "stuck" and "PB" phenomenon. Can someone explain to me exaclty what this is? Is it similar to the pain felt during severe heartburn/reflux or worse? Is this caused by lack of chewing food properly? Also, can you really not sip on a beverage while you eat to aid in it going down?

Rachel

Edited May 20, 2010 by RaeZur

[beachcitygirl 5]

I can answer the getting stuck question. Just last night I took 3 bites of potato salad. I was not paying attention to chewing and all of a sudden I felt my chest tighten. The food was stuck! I swallowed some Water to try and make it go down. Not a good idea. Now I feel like I have to burp. I tried 5 times to "burp" not by choice. The water I drank came up a little at a time with each "burp". Very uncomfortable. All this could have been avioded if I would have just taken my time and chewed my food. I have only been banded for 3 wks. so I am still new at all this, but I have learned a huge lesson. Good luck with your journey!

[RaeZur 0]

BCG, First of all congrats on be banded! I wish you well on your journey! Also, thanks for the insight, I was trying to concentrate on my chewing today at lunch and noticed that I probably inhale my food (as I assume most people do these days). So I am trying to imagine what food getting stuck would feel like, I have "bitten off more than I can chew" at times and had that awful feeling of it travelling slowly down my esophagus. But then I drink Water and it seems to slip right on through. I imagine it must feel like that did, only worse. Thanks again for sharing your experience!

[♥Amy♥ 5]

PB is a productive burp or belch. It happens when you eat too much and you feel like you need to burp but more than just air comes up. A bit of what you ate will come up with it, along with saliva. Also, usually when you get "stuck" you tend to slime. The slime is mucus and saliva. You try to swallow your saliva but because there's an obstruction it can't go down so it comes back up.

As far as your girlfriend and mom go, I really don't know how to answer that because I don't know you or them and I don't hear how they talk about getting skinny. Could it possibly be that you're motivating them to do something about their weight because they see you wanting to be proactive about yours? And when it comes to relationships and weight loss there is always going to be some jealousy. People are afraid of being left behind because their significant other is getting "better looking" and may think they're too good for them or that they can do better. I have read about plenty of people having problems in their relationships due to weight loss and jealousy. And it has caused its fair share of break-ups.

In that respect all you can do is reassure your partner that she's the one you want and you don't plan on going anywhere. You can control how you act in the situation and how you treat her but unfortunately you can't control how this whole situation will make her feel and how she reacts to it. You may be able to reassure her enough and you may not. It all depends on how insecure she is. Maybe by encouraging her to lose weight also in her own way you will help boost her self esteem while also showing her you care about her health along with yours.

As far as your mom goes? I dont know how to handle that. I have a jealous step-mother who has been jealous all the numerous times I've lost a good amount of weight. To this day I still don't know what to do about her. But I'm sure she's a different story all together compared to your mom.

Good luck!! :laugh:

[RaeZur 0]

Amy,

Thank you for the clarification on PB, I think I wanted the graphic detail to help me wrap my head around it, most people tend to answer politely, which doesn't really help me understand. So thanks.

Also, thank you for the relationship answer. I do have to admit, I am happy that both my mother and my g/f want to lose their weight, mos def. I am also happy because, it will make it easier for me to make food choices when I have other people supporting me and striving to live healthy as well.

My mother and I have always been up and down in weight. We have both tried numberous diets, this is just the first time it seems that we are doing it in tandem. Besides, a little healthy competition never hurt anyone.

My g/f on the other hand seems to jump on the band wagon at times. I am concerned about her because she will try for a little while and then use her job as a hairstylist as an excuse that she doesn't have the time to follow a diet. When we first met, I ate very healthy, but I let her bad habits become mine and 30 lbs later I am pretty ticked at the results it gave me. I am a busy person and I am constantly running, with school (BS in Engineering) and working full-time. But once I hit thirty I made a concious decision to start eating healthier because both of my parents suffer from heart disease. I needed to make a change.

I guess what it all boils down to is that I fell off of the wagon this past year and I am ready for this change. I am also ready to help my loved ones make a change if they choose to so as well. Thanks again for your response!

[perryjoyce 0]

I have anxiety over how my surgery will affect my relationship with my sister and her boyfriend. We've always been overweight, but she has really ballooned up in the last couple of years. Her boyfriend was heavy in high school, lost almost 100 lbs through diet and exercise, and then gained it all back when they got into their happy, cozy couple phase.

I was keeping it together in my early 20's and lost some weight doing Atkins, but of course I gained it all back and then some. I think she was secretly happy that I was gaining along with her.

She was very supportive when I first told her about the surgery but now she's not speaking to me. If I am successful, I know that her boyfriend will want to look into the Lap Band as well and I think that scares her. She's the jealous type through and through. Her self-esteem is practically non-existent.

What I'd love more than anything is for her to get one too, but I'm not sure she ever would. She's never even tried to diet. I think she's completely given up.

So yes, I'm having some relationship issues, but there's nothing I can do but take it one day at a time.

[Mommy of two 1]

I have heard my doctor state that those who have lap band have one of the highest divorce rates of any surgery or procedure - I don't have facts to back this up but it does really make sense to me.... happly my marriage is wonderful and this has been a great decision for me and my family! I do have some co-workers who are very jealous but I have not shared my surgery with many outside my work circle and my parents (I work at the hospital where my surgery was done so hard to hide that one)!

I think you got good answers to your questions about being stuck so I won't go there :smile2:

[HiMow 0]

I have often encountered comments about friends and family "needing to keep up" with me.

I struggle with people talking about my weight constantly, but you just have to realize that this time is for and about you. Don't let people make you feel bad for being a little selfish. But also, remember that the people around you will have to deal with the choices that you have made. They just need to work through the feelings of you not being the same old girl that they used to know. Also, sometimes the success of others causes us to reevaluate our own life situations. It happens to the best of people.

My best friend, my mom, and my fiance have all tried to lose weight recently. It makes me sad when they go on and on about how great they are doing or how poorly they are doing. I can't seem to win over my emotions.

I think everyone could stand to remember that all of the people in your life can be happy and successful and it doesn't take away from you. I know it is hard, and I don't think you are being a bad person or overly selfish. Few people could understand what you are going through unless they have been in the exact situation.

Also, don't be surprised if you encounter a lot of people (usually obese) telling you how awful your choice to have surgery is.

Every single person in the world is on their own journey. I'm proud of you for making a choice to improve your health.:smile2: