Really won't be able to tell

Misty · November 27, 2003

So I called my parents to wish them a Happy Thanksgiving (heading to my IL's soon). Then my mom began telling me about their latest diet. I really wish I could tell her my plan and have her come with me (when I go) for support. But I just know I'd get the diet talk I don't want along with other unknown scare tactics. Did anyone deal with this and tell anyway?

I should mention when I told her I was trying to concieve she told me at my weight I would die in labor. I had a regular delivery (unmedicated) and I'm still alive. But those are thoughts I didn't want or need. And yes she was there for the birth.

GeezerSue · November 27, 2003

You know, one day, I was lecturing my daughter and realized that I made no more sense than my mother, who had told me that if I took my baby to Wisconsin or Germany in the winter the baby would--beyond a shadow of a doubt--die.

I believe that I somehow decided that our daughter would become a hooker on the strip in Las Vegas if she didn't do her homework...which was odd, as I NEVER did my homework and didn't become a hooker. Now (she's 28 and seems to have survived Wisconsin and Germany to the point that she just got back from one of her two or three times per year visits to Frankfurt and Copenhagen) when I nag her on the phone to do something, she asks, "And if I don't do it right this minute, do you suppose I'll have to move to Las Vegas?" (So I guess not doing your homework will make you a smart ass.)

I don't know what to say except the following:

most of the time, most of us are doing the best we can with the wisdom (?) we have at hand, and mean no malice at all.

Well, that, and:

generally, we screw up monumentally.

Not making excuses for your mom...just warning you that some day, you, too, may get goofy as hell. It seems to run in even--or especially--the best of families.

Sue

Perhaps if you addressed the issue from another angle, in a way that she can process...?

Alexandra · November 29, 2003

Misty, I just want to commiserate with you on the comments of mothers. When I told my mother I was pregnant, she too thought I wouldn't survive childbirth. (I was about 310 at the time of conception.)

I'll never forget the look on her face when I first shared my exciting news. She was honestly scared for my survival. :rolleyes:

tellie · November 30, 2003

I chose not to tell my parents before my op. My husband didn't understand it and I explained I didn't want them to worry about me having major surgery when they couldn't be here ( we live in opposite sides of the planet), but the thruth is I know they would have tried to talk me out of it, and we would have ended up fighting over it. When I was 16, ( 16 years ago) I asked my uncle (surgeon) if there was anything I could do to lose weight ( while gulping down a delicious paella one christmas eve). He described what I now understand was a lap band ( ballon that fills to make the stomach smaller ), my parents said in no uncertain terms that surgery was out of the question. I got pills intead....and the problem got worse over the years :rolleyes:

I told my parents about my surgery a week after I got back home from hospital, over the phone. My dad was horrified, took weeks to get over the shock and I feel bad for him, I know he worries about me. He also felt the need to tell me a few horror stories involving weight loss surgery that people he knew had had. :cool:

My surprise was my moms reaction. she has been very supportive if slightly dissapointed to have heard about it after the fact ( I went with the "didnt want you to worry line").

Sorry this is too long, but anyway in the end the important thing is to do what will make this whole experience easier for you. If you want your mom there, explain to her what you need from her (and what you don't). Or just dont tell. I only told 2 people besides my husband and parents, and I somewhat regret it, they look at me funny, expecting me to magically be a size smaller every day and watching everything I eat and drink and that sort of thing....they mean well, they just make it unconfortable.

good luck!

tellie