It's a vicious circle

sleepyjean · November 14, 2005

One of the good things about the whole process of dealing with the insurance company is you have a lot of time to think about whether this surgery is the right move for you. That is also one of the worst things about this process.

One of my biggest challenges has been impatience, but I’m getting used to that. Now my biggest challenge is staying committed.

Almost every night I go to bed thinking “I can totally do this on my own. I can start tomorrow instead of waiting practically a year for major surgery that could probably kill me or have all sorts of complications.” And every morning, I button up pants that are too tight, walk to my car with horrible pains in my back, legs, and feet, and studiously avoid accidentally catching my reflection on any shiny surface. And I remember why and how I got to be this size. And I think “I can’t do this.” And I start thinking about the battle ahead of me and the fact that it’s taken almost two months just to get a referral to bariatrics. And I feel so fat and discouraged and fat and powerless and fat and tired and fat…

It’s a vicious cycle of hope and despair every single day. I just don’t know if I’m strong enough for this. (sigh)

Did anyone else go through this? How did you handle it? Were you able to pull through it? Any advice would be helpful

NJChick · November 14, 2005

I know exactly how you feel. I kept saying that to myself and then I'd say, who am I kidding, I'm getting fatter and fatter. It does get frustrating and I think for me by the time my surgery actually was here I kinda fizzeled out with all my excitement. Not fare.

I can honestly say that I was excited and frustrated at the same time. I still feel like that even banded but I'm sure its because I can't eat "normal" food yet. I know once I'll be able to do that I'll be excited again PLUS watching the scale move in the other direction for the first time in YEARS makes this journey all worth it.

I do not regret having this surgery because each day I feel better and better. You will too.

HUGS !!!!

porclndoll · November 14, 2005

sleepyjean.....

what i can say about this is that i was extreamly fortunate that my insurance approval came through very very very quickly! i didn't have time to second guess the whole surgery and weight loss issues. im greatful for that! however, i have had to remind myself several times why i had surgery in the first place. there are times when i just wanna eat and eat and eat and eat......and this is when i gotta start with the second guessing and mental battle of good and evil basically~ i know i couldn't do it without this surgery. time proves all! i am now 33 years old and have been overweight my whole life. ive done pills, powders, shakes, programs, support groups...yadda yadda yadda.........nothing ever worked. now i am 6 months out of surgery and down 57 pounds!!! THATS A LOT OF POTATOES!!! any time you gotta go through red tape for anything it gets fustrating~ you just wanna give up...but thats exactly when you need to keep on keeping on!! (Joe Dirt)ehehehe the end result is soooo worth it! so get in there girl and kick their butts!!! get that approval!! you can do it.....and this has been the best thing that i ever done for myself and my son! if it weren't for my son, i dont know if i would have had the surgery.

mousecrazy · November 14, 2005

Well, sure...I had some big doubts, too. Of course, the idea of surgery was sort of thrust at me by a new orthopedic surgeon, who I had gone to see for relief of ankle pain. He shocked me at the time by saying if I was going to weigh 285+, there wasn't anything he could do to improve the situation. I was shocked, but DUH. He was right. he recommended a doctor who did LapBand, which was his suggestion...I was at a point where I said, fine, I'll check into and I did. I liked what I found out. I have a young daughter who I want to enjoy. I was tired of fighting the battle of the bulge. This way, at least I have a weapon.

I'm sure most of us understand your struggle...you'll figure out what is best for you.

Alexandra · November 14, 2005

Sleepyjean, I went through the exact same thing for almost 10 months. I have to say that I think all that time spent really thinking about what I was trying to accomplish has helped me in many ways after banding. I don't take anything for granted, and had no unrealistic expectations.

It's hard, absolutely. But when you think back on this time you may find that it had a purpose after all.