I love my mother-in-law, but...

[adagray 1]

I really gotta find a way to get her to stop asking me how much weight I've lost every time I see her.

I feel bad complaining because she has be so supportive of my surgery. But, I am starting to feel like a freak show... look here in this corner, the amazing shrinking woman. She has lost XX pounds!!! :eek: Isn't that wonderful???

I'm not sure why it is different for me this time. I used to love telling people how much I lost when I did Weight Watchers. I don't know if it is just because I have so much more to lose this time. Or, because I am for the first time really embracing this as a 'lifestyle' and don't feel like spouting off numbers from the scale fits into that.

Well, of course w/yesterday being Easter she again asked me how much I lost. And, I am proud of what I lost so far, but I hesitated a little when she asked... trying to figure out how to answer nicely, but also convey that maybe I don't like being asked this every time she sees me. I'm not sure how you do that?

Then, she goes on and on about how great it is and asks me how much more I have to get to goal. Ah, this will give me a chance to explain how I'm trying not to be so focused on the scale anymore. So, I said, 'oh, I don't know... I'm happy to end up wherever I end up'. She looked really disappointed and said 'Didn't you say you wanted to lose 60 or 65 pounds?'. Oh, that's the other thing... when I started this journey, I did only have 60-65 pounds to lose, but I gained 35 pounds last year waiting for insurance approval. :smile2:

Anyway, so I tell her how I'm not hungry anymore after my last fill and its so effortless that I am happy to end up wherever I end up. Really, I can't imagine that I won't eventually lose the weight (I've lost my fear of that) and I am just focusing on doing the right things now instead of a goal weight or how long it will take to get there. And, she replies... 'But don't you have to stop at some point? Doesn't your doctor have a certain number...' And, I laughed and said 'Oh, are you worried I'll go below my healthy weight range? Don't worry about that. There's no way that will happen.'

Well, after all this I could tell she was disappointed not to get a number out of me. She's such a sweet woman. I felt bad trying to put her in her place w/this. But, I really want to stop her obsession w/MY scale. I would like to be even more direct w/her, but I'm afraid she will take it as confrontive (different generation).

Anyway, I wrote a book of a post here. Mainly just wanted to vent a little, but if you know of any NICE ways of handling this, I would love to hear it. She really is a sweet woman and only means well. :smile:

[♥Amy♥ 5]

I can totally see where you're coming from. I'm not even 2 weeks post-op and my husband and I went to his parents yesterday and when I walked in the door my mother-in-law started saying "OH MY GOD! AMY! You can REALLY see a difference! You're doing so well!! Look at you!!!" She wouldn't stop! And I've only been at this for a little less than a month (including pre-op diet) and if I have to listen to that everytime I see her I think I might go crazy! Don't get me wrong! It's nice to hear but I don't feel like I've lost enough for anyone to be making such a big fuss over. I know my situation is a little different than yours but I can see how having to annouce your weightloss #'s everytime you see her can get to be frustrating.

[waynooo 1]

She probably doesnt know it bothers you. If you let her know that it bothers you when she asks I am sure the question will stop. We get so worried about trying not to hurt other peoples feelings that we forget its O.K. to communicate our own feelings. So just let her know that it bothers you but as you hit milestones you will tell her. That should keep her close to you yet stop the nagging question every tiem you see her.

[RavenClaw779 2]

LMAO - see my blog! My mother-in-law is a wicked gossip as is my sister-in-law...in fact it's almost a hobby for the two of them. In my case, I have never been comfortable with my shape even when I was "thin" - I was 141 when my husband and I started dating, but not comfortable about putting on a swimsuit when we were at the m-i-l's house. She would nag me relentlessly about why wouldn't I put on a bathing suit???

When I started gaining weight she would comment to other family members about how I "didn't try hard enough" to lose weight. You know that old adage - "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me"? Well, a couple of years ago I had a hysterectomy and told my s-i-l. I asked her to keep it to herself. Instead she told everyone, so people I only knew in passing would comment on it at some group function - it was so embarassing and I was majorly pissed off and she knew it. After I made my decision to have LAGB, I made the "shame on me" mistake of telling my s-i-l. Stupidly I figured she knew how pissed I got after her last blab session, she'd keep her mouth shut. Are you kidding? I've gotten cards from people I hardly know, stopped at the grocery store by friends of my m-i-l? We live in a smallish town area so when she blabbed to my m-i-l, m-i-l told her friend, who told the mailman, who told my husband's friend - who call my husband to see if it was true that, "Jill's doctor made her have gastric by-pass because she was so big she might've died!?"

I've reached the point where I am no longer commenting or giving hard and fast number. I change the subject, because frankly, I'm tired of talking about it(I get all the support I need here at Lap-Band Talk and with friends who've got my back).

[Heathan 0]

My surgery was March 23rd and I have also lost 21 lbs. I have started to become annoyed by the "how much have you lost now?" question, too. I decided I'm going to start replying with something like, "Oh, I stopped getting on the scale. I don't want to obsess over the numbers." and just leave it at that.

[Cocoabean 430]

I like Heathan's response. It was going to be my suggestion.

This is exactly the reason I did not tell my MIL. I told her I get Migraines, now I get asked about it nearly every time I see her, just for something to talk about. I think she is truly concerned, but I don't care to talk about it every time I see her, thanks.

You could also say that you weren't comfortable talking about your weight when you were gaining, so now you aren't comfortable talking about it while you are losing.

Why is it OK to ask about losing anyway? I once asked someone if he was losing weight. Imaine my mortification when his response was that yes, he was....due to cancer. (True story). He died a few months later.

Or, just throw a number out there...say 10 this time, 25 next time, 5 the time after that.

My MIL has never had a weight problem, but when my niece (her granddaughter) and I were doing a weight loss program together, she had the gall to try and drag us to a scale to see what we weighed--someone else fell for it and she announced their weight to the entire family. Yeah, we were NOT going for that.

I think my response would be that I am not getting on the scale any more. My weight is not where the focus is, my eating habits are. I was getting obsessed with the number on the scale, so I put it away. LAP-BAND is all about being healthy not hitting a certain weight. So, thanks for asking, my blood pressure is normal! Yay!!!

[MizKelly 2]

You could have your husband talk to her and he can let her know this is something you don't want to talk about every time you see or talk to her and YOU will bring it up when YOU feel like sharing something.

[illuminationlady 7]

I think my response would be that I am not getting on the scale any more. My weight is not where the focus is, my eating habits are. I was getting obsessed with the number on the scale, so I put it away. LAP-BAND® is all about being healthy not hitting a certain weight. So, thanks for asking, my blood pressure is normal! Yay!!!

I like this one! I'm going to use this phrase from now on with everyone who asks. Good answer!!!

[Laura Lane 0]

i think you should choose one day when you guys are alone and tell her how you feel, as you said that it´s a new kind of lifestyle and that you don´t care so much for numbers, that what you care for is living a healthy life and feeling happy just the way you are, whether you lose a pound or not. goodluck:thumbup: or you could write her a letter....

[vlp1968 83]

I agree with the people who have said to say you are not weighing yourself anymore. That is what I was going to suggest. For me, I am the opposite. I love it when people compliment me and am proud to say how much I've lost (63.5 as of this am lol). Guess everyone is different.