anyone else scared of failing...?

[trishfish 1]

I see the dr tomorrow after doing all my pre-lim appointments and i should get a surgery date tomorrow too...and i'm starting to get a little scared/nervous.

I have tried and failed countless diets...what if i fail at this? i have an amazing support system around me and am going to continue therapy for my addiction to food...but all this is still not calming that little voice inside telling me i cant do it....and more than the fear of failing its the embarassment of failing...

I'm probably having one of those days...and i am sure i will be fine after meeting with my doctor tomorrow, but today...i had to share this with my LAP-BAND® friends

[AnneGG 0]

Hi, Trish,

I have that little voice in my head, too, sometimes not so little nor quiet. It's the voice of self-sabotage, which I'm sure most, if not all, of us have. I try to thank it for sharing and tell it to get lost, to switch the channels in my head. I get myself busy with something else. It's the only way I know how to deal with it, to not give it power.

I like listening to the voices of experience on this board- they give me hope that if they can do it, so can I.

I also have never had a tool other than willpower in my weight battles before. This is different.

Good luck tomorrow! Courage!

[mrslamica 3]

Hi Trish,

I think that your fears are completely valid and common amoungst us bandsters! I know I am still dealing with those types of fellings and I am 16 days post-op.

I sincerely want to succeed with this and I will use my tool the way it was meant to be used, but after many failed attempts at loosing weight (and going from a size 10 to a size 22 in 7 years), I am a little gun-shy about the whole thing...especially now that I have stopped loosing weight post-op (which is normal, I hear)and I am awaiting my first fill.

Just so you know...these feelings are valid and I DON'T think you will fail on the simple fact that not only do you have a support system at home, but you have this website, which has been a secret weapon of mine throughout this stage of my journey.

I know I have gone through the embarassment of being big...and I have made up my mind that trying this and failing would be better than not trying it at all...that said I WILL NOT FAIL, and that is the attitude I maintain and will maintain for the rest of my life!

Goodluck with your pre-op appt!

[Mel Mel 0]

More than the anesthesia or the surgery itself, failure is without a doubt my biggest fear.

[lvlymommy 0]

My appt after all my prelims is tomorrow too I should be getting my date as well and yes the voice is there...Im very scared...

[BobbieND 3]

Every Single Day !!!!

Would I change things? Do I have any regets ? ABSOLUTELY NOT !!! :-) I'd do it over again in a blink of an eye.

I think the constant wondering "if I'm gonna fail" keeps me on my toes most days. I hear it in my head before I eat anything. It's my motivator :thumbup:

Good luck to you!

[Spartan 4]

“What if I fail”…..

It is an honest question that EVERYONE asks themselves when they begin this process.

You, however, have asked it publicly, which means you have more guts than the average person. THAT is a terrific indictor that you will be a resounding success in this process.

You also said one other thing that tells me that you have a remarkable ability for introspection. You said “more than the fear of failing it’s the embarrassment of failing”. I think that this is a wonderful observation, and it means you are very self-aware. Most people are not, and I think this ability to see your feelings for what they really are will serve you well in this endeavor.

Fear of Failure is the great de-motivator. It keeps us from fulfilling our true potential. It keeps us from taking the risks we need to take to bring us to the next level in EVERYTHING. Fear is the source of so much heartache and disappointment. If we, as humans, could learn to control our fear, we would be able to rise to unimaginable heights.

Fear is the brake that stops us from asking that girl to dance at the Junior High School Grad Party. Fear is the wall that stands between us and interviewing for that wonderful new job that we want, but think we are not quite qualified for. Fear is what keeps us from pursuing that advanced college degree because we know that it is way over our heads.(it isn’t).

And it’s all about being afraid of FAILURE....of rejection….of loss.

The one thing about failure that I have come to understand is this: You are a failure ONLY if it’s the last time you try.

If you keep trying, keep working at something, you will NEVER fail until you give up. When you quit, THEN you have failed.

Trish, in your case, you think you have failed at all of your diets. But the fact is, you haven’t….you have kept on trying. And this experience you are beginning with the Lap Band is yet another indication that you are not a quitter.

You may stumble and fall a bit. Most people with the Lap Band do. It sometimes (often, in fact) takes some time and effort to find the right combination of restriction, diet, and exercise before you hit the zone where the weight starts to come off consistently

There is one member of this forum who has had the band for several years, and lost very little weight. But she kept working at it, trying new things, working with different fill levels, and then one day….BOOM. She hit the sweet spot. And the last time I talked with her she had lost 107 pounds, I believe. She never gave up…she did not quit, and as a result she did NOT fail.

And you won’t either.

The Actor Jack Lemmon once commented:

“I think we worry about failure too much. I don’t think that failure very often can hurt anybody. It’s fear of failure that will absolutely destroy you.”

I agree with that idea wholeheartedly. So, my advice to you would be: Don’t worry about it. You’ll be fine.

As you yourself have said, you have a terrific support system around you, you are working with a therapist to deal with the issues surrounding your addiction to food, so I am not seeing any reason at all why you WOULD fail.

The future is bright, Trish. When you come out of that operating room you will be entering a whole new world, as so many people before you have. And in a few months you will have a whole new body, and all of the wonderful things that go along with that.

You’ve got a lot to look forward to; Let us know how everything is progressing!

S.

[AnneGG 0]

Thoughtful response, Spartan. Thanks- very useful.

[nurselroy 0]

I am petrified of failing! However, after reading Spartan's post, in particular the Jack Lemmon quote about the fear of failure destroying you, I realized I have let this fear convince me to avoid some things in life. I'm just taking things one day at a time right now, but I am definitely going to pay more attention to how my fear of failure is affecting my life overall.

[Mel Mel 0]

:thumbup:Bravo Spartan!

Your post must have hit home with so many people. I have mentioned in my own post that I was still on the fence with having surgery. I have done everything I was supposed to do and now I'm probably setting a surgery date this thursday with my surgeon. Starting the pre-op low carb diet and how miserable I felt and not liking the shakes I've tried really scared me, almost out of not doing this.

I too, am working with a therapist. We talked about my fears about why I wouldn't want to go through with the surgery. I was afraid of some of the complications like my food intolerances (I hope I can still eat shrimp) but mostly of not succeeding. Part of me knows I can do this, I know about nutrition and I'm willing to learn more. I'm active now I hope to do more. So I just keep telling myself that I know what to do and the Lap band will be a tool to help me get to my goals!

[LeighaMason 19]

About 2 weeks after I had the surgery, I was so scared that this was going to be a failed diet attempt, a $10,000 one! But once I started getting fills it all started working for me, I was following the Dr's orders to a "T" and really working the plan. About 2 weeks ago, I decided I am happy at the weight where I am even though I am not at my "goal" so I quit the hardcore diet. Now don't misunderstand, I am still eating the right foods but I am eating around 1200 calories a day instead of 800-900 and guess what in the last 12 days I have lost 2 pounds without even trying! Pre-band if I went 12 days without dieting I would have gained 3-5 pounds, this is how I know that I am going to be successful in the long run. It is such a relief! I finally have control over my weight, which is the part of my life that I have never felt successful in. I'm with Spartan, don't let fear keep you from experiencing this.

[amylovescookies 8]

I have this friend- I don't know how much longer I will have her, because she has so many health issues that are related to her weight. She can't walk now because she is too heavy, and it puts too much of a strain on her. It scares me.

My friend is amazed with the results that I have achieved with my band. We have sat down many times and talked about the possibility of her getting one too. She refuses because she believes that she won't be able to stay away from food, she doesn't want to get 'stuck', and she doesn't want her diet restricted even more than it is now. (She's a diabetic.) ...even as I write this I'm pulling out my hair!

In the end she isn't going to get a lapband instead she has opted for a casket. She said so herself.

If you get a lapband what will you fail? Are you afraid that you won't get 'thin', or your life won't be saved? Because I'm betting that the lapband is going to save your life no matter what. As far as thin goes...I have no idea.

Keep your eyes on whats most important. Everything else falls into place:lol: