Sabotage

Kbel · November 9, 2005

Sabotage.

I started this process very positively almost 5 months ago but over the past couple of months I have found myself sabotaging my ‘possible’ success at every turn.

Although my surgeon offered a couple of dietetic sessions as part of the surgical ‘package’ there was no psychological assessment and support and I realise now, that this is perhaps the most important issue. I don’t blame him – it is hard to understand that weight issues can be in the head as much as the stomach. Feeling full isn’t my problem so much as feeling deprived.

I am desperately trying to work out...

Why do I sabotage myself?

Why do I turn back to familiar self-destructive habits?

The band is a tool, I know that 100% but I’ve learnt that a tool is no good if you don’t have the ability to use it. I am stuck... in that old rut again. That damn old rut that has consumed more than half of my life!

If the band is my friend why am I fighting it so hard?

I guess I’m interested to know if anyone else has the tendency to deliberately undermine themselves and what strategies you’ve tried to address it. What do you do to sabotage yourself???... and what do you do to fix it?

And here’s a question - why is the bad stuff SO easy to eat (and justify)?

Kristen

NJChick · November 9, 2005

Sabotage.
I guess I’m interested to know if anyone else has the tendency to deliberately undermine themselves and what strategies you’ve tried to address it. What do you do to sabotage yourself???... and what do you do to fix it?Kristen

This is a loaded question LOL.

I have sabotaged myself my entire life, thats why I got the band. Every time I start to lose weight, I feel better and I get cocky thinking oh this won't hurt and that won't hurt... well it did. I set myself up in thinking it was okay. And once that happened, the vicious cycle of gaining the weight back started again.

Fixing it is hard, but realizing that you are doing it to begin with is a good start. Get rid of all the crap in the house. Grocery shopping is a challenge. Don't go shopping hungry. These things are easily said than done.... You just have to fight it with all your strength... get MAD !!!! Look how far you've come and just keep trying.

I am on the thick liquid stage and I am STARVING !!! I mean I want to snarf down everything I see but for fear of hurting myself I don't. What I try to do is stay out of the kitchen and I'm trying to focus on activities instead.

For a long time I liked hiding behind my fat... I was safe, no one would bother me. Could this be what is bothering you?

Hugs and Kisses to you.... hope your journey is more successful.

ladysplenda · November 9, 2005

Do you have a support group in you area?I do not have one so I am going to TOPPS.I tried to find a in network pysc. No luck.Live in a small town.Good luck to you.Im sure this is something that we all struggle with. It is just harder for some of us.Good luck to you.

the best me · November 9, 2005

Sabotage.
If the band is my friend why am I fighting it so hard?

Oh yeah, baby! Right there with ya. My hubby will tell me, "you are fighting your band. You are pushing it" and he's always right. Yeah, and he says he doesn't watch what I eat or pay attention to me eating...grrrrr...pet peeve...but he's always right. I do fight my band!

I have been round and round with myself about this and started a thead about brain-banding. You can band your belly but if it doesn't wrap around your brain somehow, too, you are in trouble. I struggle with too many plateaus. I honestly don't mind a plateau if I'm really eating correctly. But when I know, I know, I know, it's a sabatoge issue, well...time to get my brain banded.

It's a diet mindset for me. I hate it but it is. If I can get into the "I'm on a diet" zone in my head, I do better. For the past few days I have logged my food in my Richard Simmons food Mover and it has helped. I have also worked in extra Snacks between lunch and dinner. This has helped for several reasons...I get some fruit and yogurt in rather than crappy foods, and I'm eating more earlier in the day, I'm not so starvin' marvin at dinner, I'm less likely to push my band, fight with it, try to eat the food anyway or later on, and I know I have had plenty of good food. It's helping. I won't do it forever, but I will for as long as needed.

What I find refeshing is that when I move the foods on that little thingy I got from Richard years ago, I am totally satisfied with the amount I'm eating on the 1200 calorie card...even the Blast-Off Week card (which is 1000 calories?) So my band gives me the ability to be successful because my portion sizes have dropped so dramatically. Lovin' it.

Good luck Kbel. Do the work. Sometimes you might have to do it without a psychologist...but we are her for ya on LBT.

Alexandra · November 9, 2005

It's a diet mindset for me. I hate it but it is. If I can get into the "I'm on a diet" zone in my head, I do better.

We all deal with self-sabotage, but as with everything else, we deal with it differently. Kathy likes the diet mind-set, while for me that is the #1 sure way to set myself up for failure. I once started a thread called "other people set goals, I set traps" because that's exactly what any self-imposed goal or challenge is for me. That's just the way my mind works.

What's important to ME is self-acceptance. And that means accepting the fact that I just can't eat as much as I used to. I have to ALLOW the band the control my intake, because I have proven in the past that I cannot. Relinquishing control to this other force (a higher power, if you will) helps me stop fighting, stop trying to beat the band at its own game, and lets me be calm and realize that it is on MY team. If I let it do what it wants, I am letting it win FOR me. All it asks of me is acceptance.

vinesqueen · November 9, 2005

I am desperately trying to work out...
Why do I sabotage myself?

Why do I turn back to familiar self-destructive habits?

Ah, two $64,000 dollar questions! Ultimately, only you can answer these two questions. I can only offer insight to my issues.

You have just lost 15+Kg in a matter of months. That is a lot of weight and more importantly, that's a lot of mass gone from your body. I know I've used my fat as shield and armor to protect myself from the pain of the outside. The last time I lost a significant amount of weight, I completely freaked out over the sudden attention I was getting. Strange men were flirting with me, guys from work were flirting with me. Hell, even women were flirting with me!

I was completely unprepaired for all this sudden attention. I had become quite comfortable with the invisiblitly that being fat brings. Suddenly, I wasn't so invisible anymore.

I'd lost this weight under a really great supervised program, but they completely discounted what I was saying about suddenly being a object of desire, and my complete inability to deal with it. That program had a wonderful diet program, and I mean diet as in sound eating practices along with meeting with a nutritionist for an hour a week. I also met with a personal trainer 3 times a week. It was intense, but it got great results.

But without the psych support that I needed, I freaked out and gained the weight back, with added padded just to make sure I would never get back down to that scary place again.

So. That is one of my issues. I am convinced that if I don't do the head work, the band is never going to work for me. Oh, I will inevitably lose the extra weight, but I have to do the work to keep it off, the brain work.

So m'dear, I strongly suggest you start looking at why you are fat. Not only the why you are fat, but what keeps you fat. What are your demons? From what are you protecting yourself?

Without my sheid and armor, I will stand naked against the world. I could don a burka but I will still be naked, defenseless. I have to learn a new way of defending myself. Or maybe I need to learn that I don't need to defend myself and that my demons are only shadow puppets. Caricatures that have no real power and substance.

kimalicious · November 11, 2005

Relinquishing control to this other force (a higher power, if you will) helps me stop fighting, stop trying to beat the band at its own game, and lets me be calm and realize that it is on MY team. If I let it do what it wants, I am letting it win FOR me. All it asks of me is acceptance.

Oh my god that is exactly what I was doing, playing games like I could beat the band and sneaking around it like it was the enemy, that was an Aha! moment for me....

DevilMayKare · November 12, 2005

We all deal with self-sabotage, but as with everything else, we deal with it differently.

I think you make a really good and important point here Alexandra. Not only do we all deal with it differently--we deal with it differently at different times.

What has worked for me at one time, may not work at another time. I think the key is to keep TRYING AND TRYING AND TRYING until you hit on something that works for YOU. And if it stops working--try something else.

We are fighting a very fundamental SURVIVAL mechanism here. For thousands of years human beings had to work very hard to not starve and a big part of our physiology and psychology is geared to keep us from starving--in other words to make us fat. I honestly believe what we think of as "Failure" (obesity) is really just the flip side of our SUCCESS at survival. Since in our modern times we don't have to work hard to eat (or physically work for hardly anything) we have to CONSIOUSLY OVERCOME this mechanism. This--literal--"mind over matter" takes an enormous feat of effort.

In fact, it's even "mind over mind!" I took a physiology class years ago and the teacher was really into how the brain worked. She showed us the exact place in the brain that controls appetite. When you take diet pills the activity in this area is suppressed...but after 3-6 weeks of taking diet drugs it actually RE-ROUTES ITSELF!! Appetite is so important to the human body the the brain will literally re-wire itself to keep it strong.

So this is alot to overcome. It just may be that your self-sabotoge is your self-survival kicking in big time. You are not a failure at losing weight--you are a SUCCESS at NOT STARVING. Don't kid yourself that it is--or ever is going to be easy to overcome. You can do it, but you have to use every tool in the book to overcome your own success.

I also think this in one reason exercise is SO important. Our bodies were meant to work hard physically. It seems to me that I lose much better when I am exercising enough to burn off calories. If I burn more, I can eat more and so my body doesn't kick into the starvation mode.

Does that make sense?

Alexandra · November 12, 2005

Does that make sense?

Perfect sense. You are one wise woman.

DevilMayKare · November 13, 2005

"Wise"...! wow, thanks! I've always wanted to be wise.

Guess it goes w/ gettin old, uh?

shrinazaldivar · November 13, 2005

I think everyone here has said it well--exactly in some cases--lol--another thing I wonder though--is do you need another fill? My problem seemed to get a lot easier to cope with when I finally got good restriction---maybe someone else here said it----

prayers