how do your spouses feel about your choice?

[dontgoggilme 0]

ok.... so this evening i was talking to my husband about my choice to be banded and i was having a worried moment wondering if i made the right decision choosing the band and not the sleeve. i asked my husband what he thought and he kinda looked at me for a minute and then told me this:

he said that he honestly couldn't say because he doesn't really get why i wanted the band in the first place. he says he doesn't get why i wanted it, why i thought/think i need it, and why anyone would. he said that he never thought to ask me why i wanted it because i just said that i did and he wanted and is being supportive of my wants and decisions. but that he doesn't get it. he finished with these words, "i really liked my bucket of cheese eating wife." (i LOVE cheese!!!) lol

so i was just thinking and wondering... how do other folks spouses feel about the surgery or what do they think about it? my husband doens't think i needed it (still doesn't) and doesn't get it at all but all the while he is supportive of my decision to have it. i told him that i have a made a huge life change and will have a lot more life in me know (meaning i'll be healthier) and he said "you had a lotta life in you before". to that i wanted to say, "yeah... i had a lotta something... FAT!" but i refrained.

so anyway... what do ya'll's spouses think and feel about your decision and your new life after?

[sandi_022 6]

Well, I don't have a spouse yet, but I do have a boyfriend and we plan on getting married. His thoughts are about the same as your husbands. He says I don't need it, I'm beautiful the way I am, but he understands that It will not only make me feel better mentally, but also physically. He did at one time try and talk me out of it, but, that was because I went to Mexico to get it done, and he just wanted to pay the money here in the US to have it done here. However, he waited until we were in San Diego, and going to Mexico the next day to tell me his thoughts lol. I got banded almost 2 weeks ago, and he's been very supportive through out. :frown:

[TracyNYC 4]

I don't have a spouse either, but have been seeing an old BF again. (Long Story-as they always are LOL) I am 100 pounds heavier than the first time around 12 years ago. He was always supportive of me and still is. He knew about the band before we 'got back together' and his only concern was that my surgeon was reputable, etc. He is very helpful and happy if it makes me feel better.

[123crod 170]

My husband of 29 years is and was supportive. He never had to struggle with his weight, but I have since I was a child. I also suffer from clinical depression and it is enough to deal with without the weight issue too

[jre1974 0]

My wife is jealous....lol She has a BMI of 38 and doesn't qualify for the surgery, and is a little PO'd at me for all the weight i've been losing...She is very supportive, but I know she wants to have it done as well...If we can get her qualified for it, she will have it done also.

[Marine mom 3]

what a sweet guy. he doesn't get it, but supports you and your choice.

[BetsyB 9]

My husband was initially not in favor of it, but because he wanted to be supportive, attended the initial surgeon seminar and first appointment with me.

After the seminar, he VERY strongly felt that the band was the right choice for me; the others involved too much change for his comfort zone.

Fortunately, I agreed. I wanted the band from the outset.

He's been very supportive. He has educated himself well about why I do what I do, foodwise, etc.

I do suspect that as my loss becomes more apparent to others (the attention is beginning), he will have some difficulty and need some reassurance. That kind of change is sometimes difficult.

[LeighaMason 19]

My husband has been supportive, sometimes he will ask me to explain again why I am doing this, because he sees how difficult it is. He tells me that he cant really see that much difference in me. I guess love really is blind.

[bella71 0]

I think most people are afraid of change, especially in relationships. It seems like your spouse is a great guy, loves you for you. Put yourself in his shoes. When a significant other makes a major change, it can cause insecurity in the other person. It's only natural.

He probably needs some reassurance that you are still going to be you. Just a leaner, healthier version of yourself.

[MrsCabes 2]

My husband is very supportive - he knows the physical and mental issues that my weight has brought me. He knows that I have tried every diet out there and that this was really a chance to change my life.

I married an amazing man - he loves me at this weight and he'll love me when I'm thin.

[Drasan 23]

My husband is tall and thin and has never had a weight issue. His mother is tiny and petite, father and brother tall and thin. So I am a new phenomenon to him. He has always told me he loves me just the way I am. Heck he married me when I was 80 lbs overweight.

He went to a wls seminar with me, when I was investigating the band. On the way home he basically told me that he thought it was a bad idea, that I just needed to eat less and exercise more. I cried all the way home and he didn't understand why I was crying.

I kept investigating, tossing little bits of information his way, trying to educate him and help him to understand the overwhelming, losing battle that I've faced all my life. Yes, he's seen me lose a lot of weight, he knows I'm capable of doing that. But he's also watched it come back on, plus more.

When he could see that I was serious about the lap-band, he told me that although it wasn't something he would choose for me, he would support me in whatever I decided.

Now he's here for me and being super supportive. He loves me, he was scared for me. When I succeed, and my health improves and I'm able to do more things, I think then he will be a true believer.

[LisainKC 0]

My husband, of 21 years, was so supportive that he had the surgery with me! We had the surgery on 3/2/10, he was first and I was next! He is of course losing faster than me, but it has brought us even closer. I recommend any couples that are both thinking of LAP-BAND® - do it together. You will be going through all of the ups and downs together, there is no better support system.

[Heart 0]

My husband was very supportive from the get go. He watched me gain weight to become the largest I've ever been and he saw how scared that made me. I think he was willing to support whatever I needed to do to find a tool that was going to help me lose.

When I got to a weight that would support a level of comfort in exercise he joined me every step of the way. Our current adventure was the couch to 5k and we're both enjoying the rewards from that endeavor.

[Diamondgirl81 0]

My boyfriend of the past 5 years, has seen me through it all. The lows of me crash dieting on south beach and ww; the highs of me just giving up. Every step of the way, I never felt his love for me or even attraction to me change. He really must love me for me... go figure. Nonetheless, when I made the decision to have a WLS he was very understanding and supportive in words, but not necessarily in actions. My doctor only had us do a 1 day pre-op diet, so on that day, while I'm drinking broth and sucking down ice pops, my bf comes in with a WHOLE cheese pizza pie. Talk about sensitivity. I burst out into laughter and then cried. He just didn't get, how much of a life-style change, I was about to embark on. Since then, he's changed, no more pizza pies, just a slice here and there The ironic thing is, he's now talking about getting the band or the sleeve. Either choice I fully support, it's all up to the individual. I just wish that when the time comes for him, I could taunt him w/eating pizza or a burger.. just a little friendly pay back.

Best,

Lauren

[RavenClaw779 2]

My huband is 6'1" and a former high school football player and all around jock. When we met I was 140(about a size 8).

He's watched me go through chemo and radiation and loved me bald; he's seen me get up to 283 pounds and never treated me as anything less than a beloved wife. When I put this out there, his reaction was "just workout and diet" - and it brought me to tears. Did I mention this is a man who loves home cookin' and can eat a horse and still be rock solid muscle? I think attending the seminar helped as did meeting the surgeon. The NFL coach who just had the procedure also made a big impact. Of course the fact that I've dropped about 40 pounds since January hasn't hurt. He understands this isn't just for my vanity, it's what's going to allow me to cross country ski with him, going kayaking, learn to ice skate - all those things that my size makes me feel uncomfortable about doing.