Reactions from friends and family are getting annoying...

[Aunt Suzie 0]

Hello all...

Was LapBanded in NYC on 9-5-2008... down 105 lbs since then... zowwy...happyHAPPY to have the Blessing of being LapBanded!...

What I'm now finding sssoooo annoying is that 99.9% of the time, friends and family have deemed themselves to be "The Fashion Police" :mad2:, like, no matter WHAT I choose to wear, "...you have SUCH a figure now, why don't you show it off more??... don't you think your husband will be prouder of you if you flaunt your accomplishment?...",:thumbup: to the complete opposite "...geez, those jeans make your legs look like pencils: don't you think you should be wearing something more 'normal':thumbdown:..."

It's like I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't!... reallyREALLY appreciative of the veryVERY few who comment "...wow: good for you!... keep up the good work!...as long as you still feel good and your health is fine, power to you!!..." etc.

What I think I need is some snappy-comeback lines, other than my current "I'm quite happy with how I look thank you!...in my humble yet correct opinion, I look just fine!"

Will appreciate any and all suggestions.

Thanks for the vent...:smile2::thumbup::w00t:

Wishing you all bountiful good health in your journey!

Aunt Suzie

[willowcat 93]

Ann Landers used to recommend that you just look increduously at these busy-bodies and say "What an odd thing for you to say to me." Then change the subject and ignore their rude comment entirely.

[♥Amy♥ 5]

Ann Landers used to recommend that you just look increduously at these busy-bodies and say "What an odd thing for you to say to me." Then change the subject and ignore their rude comment entirely.

I love it!! :wub:

[bella71 0]

Just ignore them. It always seems like people always have something to say, even if it is not their business. If you engage in a dialogue with them, it's like you are validating their comment. Just keep on moving forward and looking fabulous!

[btrieger 21]

Congrats on the weight loss and thank god I'm a guy and don't have to watch out for the fashion police. :wub:

[AnneGG 0]

'Spose you could say "Thanks for your opinion, I'll take it under consideration", and then think to yourself "And opinions are like @$$holes, everyone's got one!":biggrin:

Works for me. And you are lucky to be a guy in some ways, Bob!

[kirafiki 0]

I am being lazy and cutting and pasting this from one of my previous posts... but I think it applies and I have put in parentheses some adjustments for this situation... its just what I do. Here goes:

I might be a bit more militant than others, but I always say that just as my weight (choice of clothing) wasn't something they could discuss with me before I had surgery, it is still an off-limits topic. I follow that by saying, I don't obsess on your weight (clothes), why is it that you do on mine?

Congrats on the successes you have had!

[shangefan 193]

Congrats on the weight loss and thank god I'm a guy and don't have to watch out for the fashion police.

OK, I must have a different type of people in my life because I am definitely a guy and I am constantly receiving these comments. They come from friends, co-workers, family.... I am not troubled because I definitely wear more stylish, hip clothing that fits much closer to the body and the comments are generally positive -- unless I am being told that something is too big. Those comments are annoying -- of course I know it is too big! I have not lost 105 pounds, but I AM down @ 70, which I love.

Sadly, I can't offer much help with snappy comebacks. I can have a sharp tongue on occasion (I'm praying about it) and it just seems to happen in the moment.

[Diamondgirl81 0]

Hello all...

Was LapBanded in NYC on 9-5-2008... down 105 lbs since then... zowwy...happyHAPPY to have the Blessing of being LapBanded!...

What I'm now finding sssoooo annoying is that 99.9% of the time, friends and family have deemed themselves to be "The Fashion Police" :mad2:, like, no matter WHAT I choose to wear, "...you have SUCH a figure now, why don't you show it off more??... don't you think your husband will be prouder of you if you flaunt your accomplishment?...",:sad: to the complete opposite "...geez, those jeans make your legs look like pencils: don't you think you should be wearing something more 'normal':thumbdown:..."

It's like I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't!... reallyREALLY appreciative of the veryVERY few who comment "...wow: good for you!... keep up the good work!...as long as you still feel good and your health is fine, power to you!!..." etc.

What I think I need is some snappy-comeback lines, other than my current "I'm quite happy with how I look thank you!...in my humble yet correct opinion, I look just fine!"

Will appreciate any and all suggestions.

Thanks for the vent...:)

Wishing you all bountiful good health in your journey!

Aunt Suzie

First off.. Congrats on your success. That is something to celebrated over your fashion choices. If you feel good in what you're wearing, that's all that counts, regardless of what size you are. This goes to show, that even once the weight is no longer "the issue", people will always have something to say or criticize.

Best,

Lauren

[Marine mom 3]

I think that you have to look at this in a different way. They care about you, and want the best for you. Maybe you disagree with their comments, but I disagree with others all of the time. Don't you ever have an opinion and share it with others? Have you ever commented on another person's choices? We all see things differently. That means there is no reason to get snotty because of it.

[kirafiki 0]

I think that you have to look at this in a different way. They care about you, and want the best for you. Maybe you disagree with their comments, but I disagree with others all of the time. Don't you ever have an opinion and share it with others? Have you ever commented on another person's choices? We all see things differently. That means there is no reason to get snotty because of it.

Yeah, most of them do care. I guess my response comes from a lifetime of being berated about my weight. My first memory of one of my grandmothers was at three years old. She plopped me on the kitchen counter and started poking my belly and telling me I was fat. This caused a lifetime of binging and food hoarding and hiding. Then there was my junior high nickname: Earthquake. My best friend at the time was called aftershock. Or there was the Atkins diet I was put on when I was 9. Oh, and the weight watchers meetings I was forced to go to by myself at 11 while the rest of the family went out for dinner. These are just the instances that stand out to me... I could go on forever.

I may be snotty about it, but I have lived with others being snotty about it since I was a child. Sometimes, reclaiming your power is important.

And no, having been the subject of everyone's opinions about this since I can remember, I learned not to make judgments about others since its not my business.

[gingerjane 5]

They probably think that they are complimenting you. I could see that being the case. Where they're saying "You have this great figure..." etc. But, I'm sure it can get annoying because think about it. We've spent a lot of time covering up our bodies because of our weight. That mentality is not going to change overnight. You need time to get comfortable in your skin. Maybe tell them that. Just say "you know - I'm not ready for this yet but when I do get ready, you'll be the FIRST to know" and say it a bit sarcastically. Maybe they'll back off.

You've obviously succeeded very well at your band (I hope to have the same type of story!!!) so just keep remembering that! :confused:

[Marine mom 3]

They probably think that they are complimenting you. I could see that being the case. Where they're saying "You have this great figure..." etc. But, I'm sure it can get annoying because think about it. We've spent a lot of time covering up our bodies because of our weight. That mentality is not going to change overnight. You need time to get comfortable in your skin. Maybe tell them that. Just say "you know - I'm not ready for this yet but when I do get ready, you'll be the FIRST to know" and say it a bit sarcastically. Maybe they'll back off.

You've obviously succeeded very well at your band (I hope to have the same type of story!!!) so just keep remembering that! :confused:

You said that much better than I did.

OP, I don't think being rude is a part of reclaiming power. I think that is something that is within and takes away the need for "revenge" or rudeness. When i am feeling empowered I do not care what others think, and have no need to prove it to anyone.

Just my thoughts on the subject.

Edited March 23, 2010 by MissyMS

[Apples2 19]

Hang tough, Aunt Suzie....been there/done that. It is difficult when almost EVERYONE you have contact with feels that it's their right to comment on how you look. Once they get "used to" how you look, the comments will wane.

99% of the time ppl mean well...just have a lack of tact. The other 1% I haven't figured out yet. I still get comments over a year after getting to goal and am at the point where I can now just blow it off.

One thing I did when someone would ask me a question...some examples:

I'm in the grocery store and my cart is full...someone I am barely aquainted with walks up and says...I bet you don't eat one thing in that cart, do you? My response...Why do you ask? She stutters.

I'm at a sports event in my cute jeans. Again, someone I barely know walks up and asks "What size jeans do you wear?" My response is Why do you ask? She says...well, well, well and walks away.

I'm at a wedding for my Goddaughter and all dressed up in my new dress. Cousin of the bride walks up and say "Oh my God! You are way too skinny" (which I am not). My response...Where were you when I weighed 249lbs?

I know some of my responses sound snarky but when you get those kind of comments every time you leave the house, you need to take control of the situation and just walk away. I, too, in the beginning felt I had to explain.

I am far from egotistical but I look healthy and feel healthy and this is all about us, right?

[nebraskahickchi 2]

'Spose you could say "Thanks for your opinion, I'll take it under consideration", and then think to yourself "And opinions are like @$$holes, everyone's got one!":biggrin:

Works for me. And you are lucky to be a guy in some ways, Bob!

I guess I'm so brazen that I would just tell them the latter... because opinions ARE like @$$holes... everyone does have them... hehe! And say it sweet as pie.