Lap Band Limericks

[bandpal 7]

There once was a man from Wisconsin

Who in his easy chair was ensconcin'

When he shot a PB

Which took out the TV

In a manner evoking Charles Bronson.

[bandpal 7]

An obese biddy from Tenessee,

Couldn't spy or espy either knee.

After banding, our Bella

Could grasp each patella:

A stunningly sweet NSV.

[bandpal 7]

A woman from northwest Wyoming

Through her BCBS file was combing.

She found, to her glee,

LAP-BAND®'s own CPT,

And relieved, took a stroll in the gloaming.

[Jachut 487]

there was a young girl from Nantucket

whatever she ate, she would chuck it

it would come up with slime

all of the time

so she always carried a bucket

[AnneGG 0]

Way cool and ROFLMAO thread! I'll work on a limerick or at least a haiku...

Thanks!

[bandpal 7]

I've heard tell of a portly New Yorker,

Who lived many a year as a porker.

After getting the Band, she is much in demand,

Trailed by suave, stunning men who all stalk her.

Edited March 15, 2010 by bandpal

[bandpal 7]

Said a bandster from Bloxom,Virginia,

"I can bend now to tend to my zinnia,

Before banding, my garden

Was worth disregardin'

But just look at my phlox and gloxinia!"

Edited March 17, 2010 by bandpal

[bandpal 7]

A Bandster from Norton, New Hampshire

Said: "The Band is the best - I am damn sure!

Would I do it again? Even with all the pain,

Here's my answer to each sir or ma'am: sure!"

[bandpal 7]

A young bandster from Mott, North Dakota

Was of two minds about drinking soda:

She longed for the fizz which in soft drinks there is,

But her doctors all said it would bloat her.

[serenity55 15]

We often decide to get banded

When from chairs onto floors we have landed.

Once we fit in plane seats,

We realize that it's neat!

Why we waited? Just can't understand it!

Debbie!

Edited March 18, 2010 by serenity55

[serenity55 15]

A bandster went for a fill,

And her NP she wanted to kill!

She could not find the port

And our girl's not the sort

Who would lie there without getting ill! :cursing:,

[bandpal 7]

There was a young lady from Maine

Who was having post op'rative pain;

Her port would contort,

Causing her to resort

To Darvon, Ultram and Nubain

[bandpal 7]

A bandster from Vernon, Vermont

Got backed up from a piece of croissant;

In a tone of remorse, he said, "time to change course,

I cannot eat whatever I want."

Edited March 19, 2010 by bandpal

[serenity55 15]

A bandster I know in L A,

Ran a marathon one bright Sunday.

And when she was done,

She said, "This was fun!

And definitely worth the self pay!"

[LeighaMason 19]

There was a young bandster from Texas

Who had trouble with the opposite sexes

She lost all her weight

saw her troubles abate

Now she always gets calls from her ex's