What the heck?!?! Why do people say the things that they do?

[gingerjane 5]

Thank you thank you thank you SO SO SO SO much everyone for your responses! It really does validate sort of what I thought about her. It must be some sort of issue she has. She used to talk to me every morning but here lately - nothing. Her husband actually just came in so that they could work out together during lunch. Both of them just left in their workout clothes. I think it's one of those things where she must be insecure with her husband, in her marriage, etc. And I think because I live my life however, and made this decision, she is annoyed. Who knows?

I will say, I haven't told my husband's parents about the band at all because they are VERY judgmental when it comes to weight. His sister is the worst. She was always TINY - we're talking a size 2 in high school and the past few years have sort of altered her body style. She's not as tiny but she's still petite. But, she was definitely one that would make comments to me all the time. As far as I'm concerned, they don't need to know. His dad has made his fair share of rude comments, so I'm sure that more would come and they would definitely be the food police.

I told them that I'm having hernia surgery. I wouldn't have said anything but our daughters stay the night with them every Monday because his mom keeps my kids on Tuesdays since my husband and I both work. They live nearby (as does all of my family) so I had to have some sort of excuse. Plus, yesterday we had my youngest daughter's 4th birthday party and they had pizza, fried chicken, cake, ice cream, etc. I had NONE of it. I stayed on my low-carb pre-op diet and had turkey and grilled chicken breast.

I guess I'm just fed up with society's opinion of overweight people. :smile2: I have dealt with it so much that now I'm fed up. I did ask the co-worker "What makes you say that" so I know that she knows I was not pleased with her "suggestion" or whatever you want to call it. Her excuse was "You'll be miserable". Actually, I don't think (I hope I won't) be.

Once again - thank you SO much! I swear, I LOVE this board!!!! :thumbup:

[michellehoeffel 1]

I can totally relate to this. I have told many people and so many are supportive except for 2. One tried to tell me "Well you have been successful so far maybe reconsider the procedure." The other cannot understand what I am going through with the pre op and told me tonight that I should not have it because I am so weak (duh.. pre op liquid diet)

Then you have the ones that you thought would not support you and end up being the biggest supporters.

[PuppyBandit 2]

In general, people aren't malicious. They just don't get it. And there seems to be an epidemic of diarrhea of the mouth. For some reason, obesity is viewed less as a medical problem and more of a moral issue by many--and therefore, it seems to invite comment.

This is so true. Also, it applies to smokers in some ways. And I've seen many people, over weight and normal weight do the exact same thing to smokers. I used to smoke and it would make me boil when some ass would say "just quit, what's so hard about that". Sounds eerily like "just eat less, what's so hard about that". food for thought.

On topic, I've told a few people but not many. I have a neice-in-law who will be verbal about it, but oh well! I like verbal sparring so bring it on LOL. I think I did my time being obese, if lap band is what it takes, I can't wait! Negative people bring you down and are not worth putting up with.

I guess they would prefer you/we be unhealthy, unhappy and not living life to the fullest. Life is too short to NOT get the lap band in my opinion.

[KimDB 0]

I have finally, FINALLY, also started to tell some select people again about the surgery, now that they have asked me if I am losing weight, etc., and have been surprised by their reactions!

Some people I thought would be unsupportive have actually called me courageous!

On the other hand, I also did tell my sister-in-law last week. I had been putting that one off for quite a while. She is always dieting off her extra thirty or so pounds with this fast or that gadget, but I think it has always comforted her that no matter what she weighs, I always weigh more. She's always all about what I am eating or not eating or why? am I not eating??? Her reaction was weird !!!! It was like I mentioned it, and then she turned on a dime and started immediately talking about something else! Like, 'I am having weight loss surgery' and she was like 'oh look, cows!' And then started babbling something about how she was at the car dealership with her Lexus and her boss gave her some assignment, blah blah blah.

And not a word since! It's like radio silence! Wow, I expected lots of research on dead lap band patients and statistics, instead it's like I said something forbidden. Like if she ignores it, it won't be true. Like I said, weird !!! :tt1:

[joramymercedes 0]

Hello ginger i support you all the way i am having my surgery gastric sleeve and i am sooo exicted just remember you are doing this for you, and no one else so let the world just revolve around you and you know they are manyyy haters out there !!

[Ravyn 0]

Ginger, I know it took a lot for you to finally make the decision to have the surgery. Most people don't take surgery lightly. Unfortunately you're work colleague doesn't know you or the challenges that you've experienced as a result of your weight. It's always easy for those who are on the otherside to lightly tell of how they "just don't eat fries." Well most of those people don't wake up at midnight with cravings. If it were that easy, believe me, we'd all be at healthy weights.

I'm with Nayed and Catherine. Keep somethings private. Not everyone is empathetic enough to realize that we all have different challenges. Furthermore, it is not your job to help her understand, unless you want to take that on.

I have chosen to tell a very select few about my decision to have the surgery. Many of my friends are healthy and active and just don't understand what I struggle with on a regular basis. Rather than burden them with my decision, which they just wont get, I've decided to relieve us all from this uncomfortable discussion. I told a cousin, who I'll need to take me to the doctor and I've told another cousin who had the surgery herself and is now about 145 pounds. She swears it was the hardest and the best decision she's ever made, after being close to 300 pounds for over 10 years.

Chose your support system carefully and wisely. This is a safe place for you to share your fears and your excitement. Focus on YOU and not on people that you can't change.

Warmest Regards,

Ravyn

[mstwash 0]

I told my boss, only because I need to go through her for days off, and she said the very same thing, that I should try harder and that this was the easy way out. Easy way out? Are you kidding me? Invasive surgery at the mercy of a person I have only known for a few months,? I havent told anyone outside of my husband and 2 girls because I dont feel like arguing with my parents & younger sister about my "Rash" decision. Trust that we have made the right decision for ourselves and everyones opinion is there own.

[Havens 0]

I am waiting for a surgery appt. I have had a number of people try and talk me out of it. My family is very supportive, but even close friends are acting all wierd about it. Don't worry too much about it, they just don't understand, and are too mouthy about how they feel. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but they should know when to stop.

Good luck to you

[AnneGG 0]

I thank people for sharing, and then say it's my life and my body, there's no one who knows me better than me, and I'm being responsible for my own well-being.

Besides which, only pay attention to the voices with experience. The rest is just noise!

[adagray 1]

She is hungry, miserable, and jealous. Just ignore her.

I've had people tell me I just need to change my 'lifestyle' before and my response is that the lifestyle I need to lose weight and keep it off (without the band) is a lifestyle where I am hungry all the time. I know because I've done it before on WW. And, nobody can live a 'lifestyle' that requires them to be hungry all of the time forever. At least that's not a lifestyle I would want.

BTW, she may be anorexic and truly jealous that you are getting the band. A lot of anorexics would like to have a band. Seriously. I know that sounds crazy, but a former hairdresser of mine that struggled w/anorexia said she wished she could get a lapband. This was way before I was even considering it.

[Laura Lane 0]

i also say don´t let anyone discourage you...plus don´t take it personal. keep your decision and be sure that it has been the best decision you have taken. i wish you the best of luck and please keep us posted.

[gingerjane 5]

Well, this weekend was definitely a wake-up call for me in terms of judgmental people and their reactions. My husband's family found out through a slight slip-up from my mom and my husband's inability to handle interrogation. Oh - and they're nosy. Plain and simple.

Now, I wait. For their first snide comment at dinner. His dad asked him "why did you lie to me about it?" He didn't ask me. Of course, did my husband tell him the truth about his being a total jerkwad when it comes to my weight and that it was my business and not his? No - he just said "she doesn't want anyone to know." I would have probably read them their beads if they asked me directly.

So, it's the elephant in the room right now and you can feel the tension. Quite frankly - I don't care. After a rough weekend of freaking out over them knowing I realized one thing. Why should I let THEM control ME? I'm happy with my band. I've had it a week and can already tell that I'm going to love it. Have I really lost weight since surgery? No - but I'm down about 18 lbs total so far and it's just the beginning. Have a noticed a difference in what I'm able to eat and my hunger? Yes. That's what matters. Not the fact that some jerks who live to make other people miserable are trying to bring me down.

I'm not saying I won't have my rough Patches with these people. Goodness knows I will because I always have. But, I think with the help of everyone here and the support group at my doctor's office, I'll be able to overcome it. :smilielol5:

So, thanks again! And I hope that we can all vent freely on this thread because we all know that all of us have experienced such CRAP over the years dealing with obesity that it's good to have a platform of those who have "been there, done that" to talk to.

[anglov 0]

I don't understand why people are so cruel. Maybe she was jealous that you were doing something she didn't do.

If anyone at work is unsupportative they haven't said it to my face. They've asked a lot of questions. Several have started Jenny Craig this week I think because of what I am doing. . By them knowing, they are my second line of defense. They see me eat and know what I can and cannot have. Of course if it gets stuck then everyone will know that I ate something I shouldn't have.

[Debbee 0]

I know the decision is ultimately mine and mine alone but support is also important. Most people who dont have an issue with losing weight will never understand why I am considering this. As I approach 50, I have tried everything under the sun. I have decided that this is my year when I reclaim my life. My question is how do you deal with the negativity you will receive from others who believe your decision is wrong. Im at the point where I want to limit who I even tell just to avoid the lectures.

[Arthemise 1]

I've told just about everyone. How to deal with negativity...I've only had one person be negative. He was losing weight on his own and was of the opinion everyone should be able to do what he did. Wrong! I disagreed with him and ultimately unfriended him on Facebook. Fortunately he's not someone I see. If he were, I would avoid talking about the subject, and if he continued, I'd tell him I didn't want to talk about it. Usually my solution for negative people is to cut them out of my life. If they can't support me, I don't need them. I know that's not always an option, but I'm pretty blunt when it comes to things I cannot tolerate. My family has been super supportive because they know what I've gone through. As long as I have a few key people helping me along the way, I can do this.