What the heck?!?! Why do people say the things that they do?

[Manda87 3]

I think your situation comes with the risk of telling someone. Many people don't understand. In retrospect, you could have said "Why did you get liposuction? I'm sure if you worked on it a little better/harder/longer, you could have done it!"

Whatever. People say negative things to other people because they feel bad about themselves and somehow talking negatively to/about another person makes them feel better. That's my conclusion, anyway. :frown:

[OnTheWay to Thin 0]

I did not tell a lot of people initially but find that as time has gone by I am more comfortable mentioning it. The reality is that if someone has not truly had an obesity problem it is impossible for them to understand what we have gone through or tried and no amount of explaining will change their mind. It is a combination of ignorance and inability to comprehend what you dont truly understand. Dont let it get you down, you know you are doing what is best for you. If someone gives you those sour vibes you can either ignore it, try to explain or simply say if you cant be supportive of my efforts to be healthier then please keep your comments to yourself.

[BriBri90 0]

First and foremost let me say this... I told absolutely EVERYONE. I am not one of those people that can keep my mouth shut when it comes to something I really want and am excited for. All of my co-workers, boss, and everyone in my office building that I communicate with, and all of my friends and family and basically everyone who talks to me, KNOWS.

I cant even tell you how many times I heard EXACTLY what your co-worker said. How many people and how many times somebody told me something negative about this decision. But you know what? Of course I defended myself, and tried to explain the struggle (which they will NEVER understand because they NEVER went through it)...but regardless of what anyone had to say, in my mind I'm thinking "Well, when your clothes are going to be too big on me, and you'll see a drastic transformation right in front of your eyes, we'll see who gets the last word."

And thats the truth. I guarentee you once you lose the weight, and get that burst of confidence, they'll shy away from you and feel like s*&% after what they said.

Only YOU know whats best for you, and if your happy with your decision, then do it and dont pay attention to the people who dont know your struggle. I do, because I'm living it, and I'll say... GO FOR IT. I sure am :frown:

Keep your head up!

[HAL380 0]

Hi Gingerjane;

Excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me?????

She had Lipo but your band is wrong????

why didn't she simply have a life style change and manage her flab? Why didn't she wait a year before the lipo???

Everything she said to you applies to her.

As I have posted before, I will only tell my wife and mother. No one else. Telling people only opens the door for people to enter your life.

I don't criticize you for telling others, that's your choice. but for me I will keep it to myself. When people notice a weight loss I will simply tell them I am on a "Portion control Plan"

Regards and support to you

Hal

[onikenbai 33]

I say call her on her rudeness and call it a life lesson for her. Yes, it would be a tad rude on your part but c'est la vie. Possible comebacks:

Wow, does it make you feel better to make others feel like crap?

And your medical degree came from....?

No, I think misery would be to stand around here listening to you any longer.

You did the lifestyle change? Aren't you special.

My personal favourite is to just break into tears and to leave the room sobbing. Then she feels like the tool she is and you don't catch the flack for being the crabby one who can't control herself. Slightly passive aggressive, but soooo fun.

[KimDB 0]

Gingerjane, I agree with Arthemise. As soon as I read your post, I thought, do you work with my sister-in-law??? Of course you are in Ohio, so I joke ... but that is her MO. She has lots of opinions when it comes to things that make her uncomfortable. When we bought a house, she went online to check out our mortgage loan amount and made some comment on it; if you're going on vacation, she'll be happy to remind you of the crime there or how the weather isn't the best when you are going; if you hire a certain service she'll tell you she either didn't like them or didn't even consider hiring them after checking them out.

You know what I'm talking about.

She goes through life thinking she should be about 120lbs. She's not. Like Gingerjane's coworker, she watches everything that goes into her mouth and is happy to tell you that you can just eat X amount of goldfish for X amount of calories or that she's just burned off so many calories. I remember when she got the body bug and wore that thing around like a cyborg for 2 months until one day she went on a bumpy truck ride and realized the bug was banking calories at the same time.

Anyway, I know for a fact she will be extremely upset if she hears about this. It is jealousy. Not because she is afraid that I will look better than she does, it's because she doesn't have access to the same help. If she could get a lap band, let me tell you, I know that she would. Fortunately, the same weight that all of us have struggled with is also the one thing that helps us have access to this tool.

For the time being therefore I am just saying that I'm on the dr-supervised diet (which she has said doesn't work, the weight will usually come back on, of course). I know that were I to tell her about WLS, she would go into full-on panic mode to get me to back off. Even if she had to tell me about her best friend's friend who died during surgery.

I haven't even told her about the shakes I am on with my liquid diet. She wanted to know the brand, so she could look them up. Nothing doing. Just said they were thru my Dr. and I couldn't pronounce the name. I totally made something up. R-Tropine? Retropine? Whatever came into my head. I am trying to have fun with this where I can.

[parisluver 1]

You have to do what is right for you. I have been around long enough to know that personally, I am too sensitive to other people's remarks, so I chose not to tell anyone but my best friend. She is also considering the band. It is hard not to tell certain people and I have wanted to blurt it out at times, but I am so glad that I haven't. When I start losing weight it will be even harder not to share what has worked for me.

No one knows what we have gone through and some people just have an easier time with keeping weight off than others. I cannot wait to have this surgery on Friday. I know what has made me fat (big portions) not sweets or liquid calories. So I know I will do well with something that will limit the amount of food I can take in at one time.

Good luck and use this forum as a means to get things off your chest and share your successes instead of telling everyone you meet about your band!

(That girl is probably jealous -- I agree~)

[LeighaMason 19]

I don't think she is jealous I think she is scared she is going to lose her "position". Some women (OK people) use their size as their identifier. I am the "skinny one", "I am the one who can control my weight", therefor I am "in control". Now if you lose weight and you get smaller than her, she is going to have to really go to extremes to be the "skinny one" without the help of the band. This makes your weight loss very threatening to her. Remember when someone says something mean, its usually more about them than it is about you.

[Arthemise 1]

Kim, that is too funny, and sad at the same time.

I've told just about everyone about my WLS. If they can't be supportive, I don't need them around. I've already unfriended one person on Facebook, but I didn't really care for him anyway!

[Humming Bird 275]

I don't think she is jealous I think she is scared she is going to lose her "position". Some women (OK people) use their size as their identifier. I am the "skinny one", "I am the one who can control my weight", therefor I am "in control". Now if you lose weight and you get smaller than her, she is going to have to really go to extremes to be the "skinny one" without the help of the band. This makes your weight loss very threatening to her. Remember when someone says something mean, its usually more about them than it is about you.

Good point Leigha. I agree whith what you said. It's part of human nature. The "skinny one" may not even realize that is what she is doing, but I have seen it happen that way.

[BetsyB 9]

In general, people aren't malicious. They just don't get it. And there seems to be an epidemic of diarrhea of the mouth. For some reason, obesity is viewed less as a medical problem and more of a moral issue by many--and therefore, it seems to invite comment.

I've been remarkably lucky in that those who know of my surgery have been tremendously supportive. But when I've been accosted by an unwelcome and/or inappropriate remark, I've found it very useful to calmly look the person directly in the eye, and pleasantly (but pointedly) say, "What would make you ask (or say) that?"

I don't tend to engage in debates about my decision--but I'm more than happy to "encourage" the simple-minded and big-mouthed to ...reflect...on their intrusion into territory where their noses simply do not belong.

[Catherine55 43]

This is such a great thread, and I'm glad that I came back to it tonight to see all the new posts. I have a sister-in-law who is one of those people who is thin (she works at it, but genetics have helped) and who just has zero understanding for how anyone could have a weight problem. She is very judgmental in general, and is nice often enough that I let my guard down . . only to have her say something rude and hurt my feelings.

So, knowing all of the above, I didn't tell her about my band. And, not telling her also means that I couldn't tell my brother b/c I wouldn't expect him to (or ask him to) keep a secret from his wife. Now I'm close to goal and would like to tell my brother. But I hesitate because I don't want to hear anything she has to say about it, and I don't want her to be food police-y when I see her at family occasions (admittedly, I only see her once a year, so it's not that big a problem).

Part of me wonders if I should be giving her the benefit of the doubt a bit more here, but I've been stung too many times before. I do think. . what if I have a problem and gain a few pounds. Even if that's a few years away, I don't want to hear whatever she might say in that situation.

I guess I'm thinking out loud here. . . but typing it out is helpfu. Guess I'm not ready to go public with them yet!

Catherine

[NewMrs.Smith 0]

I totally understand what you are going thru. I wasn't going to tell everyone about the band and definately wasn't going to put it on my Facebook, but my husband had told my sister n law today and its not what she said, but it was what she didn't say. I could tell that in her mind she is thinking I am making a drastic decision....and so forth. She does not know how it is to struggle for years about weight and then to watch your family get diagnosed with diabetes and heart and know that you are a ticking time bomb if you don't do something now. But I have enough confidence in myself that I know I am doing the right thing. I am making a change for myself and no one else. Its about my qualify of life, not cheating myself from a donut to be a size 10 or something. Its personal. Good luck and stay strong!

[Ruthie1974 34]

I have a really good friend who although well intentioned was really opposed to me getting banded, and she said as much. See my thread "My Response" about it in detail. Anyway, her comments really gave me the opportunity to sit back and reflect, to really look at the reasons that I want to be banded and to share those reasons with some of the most important persons in my life. It was really a chance to have a heart to heart with myself through the letter that I wrote to her.

I too am concerned about people judging me for being banded, but I guess I figure they are the same people looking at me and judging me from the outside in. Thinking that I am just too lazy to loose the weight and if I would only keep my mouth shut it would all come off. These are the same people who, unfortunately cannot look beyond their own prejudices to really find out the great person that I really am. I really feel sorry for people like your coworker who are so really cold hearted and daft.

Ultimately you have to live with you. Don't take her hurtful words to heart, she really is not that big of a person in you life to be allowed that power. Remember that no one can make you feel inferior without your own concent. (E. Rosevelt)

[goodtimes 0]

Oooo gingerjane. Yes been there done that!!!! Hee-hee!!That's a hater right there!!!! Girl, that is so funny, I know right now you don't feel like chuckling!!! hee-hee but girl, she knows that you gonna be looking better than her!!!! lolololol. I'm sorry to keep laughing!!!! Its so funny!!! That's her insecurity, not yours. You keep doing what you need to do!!!!! Now if you gonna sit there and let that hater stop you from doing what you want to do, than "shame" on you!!!! Don't take it personal jane!!! that's her faults not your. Now I do apologize for being blunt (smile) but its for your own good!!!