What the heck?!?! Why do people say the things that they do?

[gingerjane 5]

So, I was at work and there is a girl here who works out religiously every single day, she watches everything she eats and she had liposuction a few years ago to get rid of her excess weight that she couldn't lose. Ok cool, right? When I told her I was getting the band, she said she was totally supportive. I was happy about that.

Fast forward to today. Me and another co-worker were in my office chatting about my pre-op diet because we're going walking at lunch. The girl walks by and I asked her real quick about how many calories she takes in a day.

Her response to me - "I don't think you're ready for this band. You're going to be miserable."

WTH? Then she proceeds to tell me that I should have tried everything else first. That it hasn't been enough time. Are you kidding me? I've worked with her for four months and she is telling me this why?

I was taken aback. I mean, seriously? She doesn't know my medical history or my diet routine. I told her about how I have done weight watchers and diets only to gain it back. That I've lost the 40+ lbs before, only to gain 50+ back. That I need something to keep me stable. That before I would deny myself everything and then go crazy one day and eat everything I could. The band allows me to have things - in SMALL portions. It will help me from being hungry all the time.

I've been doing good on my pre-op diet, and even my family doctor last night said she thought I was the perfect candidate for it because she's seen me succeed before.

I'm just so hurt right now. :frown: She's like "Well, I'm not trying to talk you out of it but I think you should just wait a year or so and try something else and make the lifestyle change first. I did the lifestyle change. You can do the lifestyle change. You don't need a band to make you do it."

I'm already making the changes. I don't get it. :frown:

Anyone else have people who say things like this? I have had three people basically "shame" me over this decision, which are three people that I thought would be supportive. Sigh...

I hate this. :frown:

[SBeth 1]

Unfortunately I've been there too. I don't see any reason to hide getting the band, so I tell...well, pretty much everyone I know. The band is a tool, none of us expect it to do the weight loss for us.

It sounds to me like your co-worker is one of those women who is fortunate enough to have her efforts pay off. Those of us getting the band are getting it, not because we haven't tried, but precisely the opposite. We are getting the band because WE HAVE tried, to no avail.

What I've seen is that people who diet and exercise works for, don't understand why it doesn't work for everyone. The truth is, sometimes it just doesn't.

Don't let your co-worker discourage you. You are doing the right thing, and you know it for yourself. If this seems to really keep bothering you, I would maybe sit down with her and tell her you appreciate her advice, however, if she's going to shell out the advice, she needs to know your history. Tell her what you've tried and how it didn't work and that you know you're doing the right thing whether she feels so or not.

Good luck!!

[pinkcamoblazer 0]

Whatever.. don't let anyone make you feel ashamed or down. I am happy I had mine done. I haven't had a fill yet, so right now I am eating way too much.

[mamasugar 0]

First and foremost, u do not need anyone's seal of approval before you make decisions regarding YOUR life. You are a grown woman and if you want to go to Mars and live there, that is entirely your decision. I do not know your co-worker well enough but from what you are telling me she sounds a little jealous. Initially when she was being supportive she probably thought it was farfetched and now that the time is drawing closer it may be hitting home for her.

Honey, live your life the best way you know how and people who stick with you can enjoy your success and the rest can go to hell in a hand basket.

Don't even sweat it.

[neyad 0]

That is why I do not share this with anyone but a close friend. People should mind their own business, and be supportive of other people's choices and not judgmental.

[Humming Bird 275]

It sounds like your co-worker doesn't understand and you really don't have to take the time to educate her about it if you don't want to. Don't hold it against her for being ignorant about it. It does sound like you are the perfect candidate for the band. If people try to shame you over your choice, maybe they don't realize what they are doing. Maybe you could ask, "are you trying to shame me over my choice? That isn't very nice." At least it will get them thinking about what they say.

[gingerjane 5]

Thanks everyone! I don't understand where it came from, I really don't. :frown: I was sort of shocked how she did it. Of course, I wonder if she's miserable sometimes because all she talks about is working out and she eats NOTHING. She gets 1200 calories a day and burns an excessive amount. (She told me how many calories a day she gets)

It was just hurtful the way she was like "I don't think you're ready" and stuff. She has no idea the ups and downs I've had with my weight over the years.

It just reinforced my decision to definitely not tell a lot of other people.

[Arthemise 1]

I think she may be jealous. She may see the band as letting you have an easier time of it than she is having. She figures that if she's having a hard time, then you should have a hard time too.

I have come across the attitude that everyone should be able to lose weight through diet and exercise and if you can't, you just don't have enough willpower. What people don't get is that every body is different. They may not have the constant hunger and cravings that I'm having, so until they are in my shoes, they can't judge. Before I made the decision to have the surgery, I considered the perfect scenario of me losing all the weight through diet and exercise. I would still have the overwhelming hunger and have to fight it every day. That's no way to live.

I had someone make a comment that if he could lose weight, anyone could. This was after a few other jabs on Facebook. Unfriend! I just don't need negativity right now, just a few days away from surgery. I would tell this woman that you need her to be supportive and that you don't need negative comments now that you've made up your mind.

[Catherine55 43]

This is why I only told a select group of people about my surgery. Sparing yourself from this ill-informed negativity is definitely a good thing! BUT, you know why you are doing this, you know that you have tried so many times, and you know that you need this help to take control of your weight. As a fellow bandster, I totally applaud you for knowing that you need help and getting it!!

BTW, hold on to your hat when you have lost enough that you and this girl are wearing the same size. . I bet she's going to have a hard time dealing with that! Then again, you guys may become workout buddies as you get more into exercise and she could turn out to be very supportive.

Hang in there. Don't put any stock in anything she has to say, and stop inviting her to comment on your band b/c what she has to say is not helpful.

You are going to do great!

Catherine

[jre1974 0]

I can relate a bit on this one...When I told my boss that i was taking the time off and then explained what I was doing, he just said, "I hope you can do it this time." and then talked about how many people he's seen have some type of weight loss surgery, only to gain it all back later....I was a bit PO'd at him after that, but decided to pick my battles.

I think that some people, especially those who have never really had weight problems, just can't fathom having the types of issues we have. They think that just because they are skinny and don't gain weight, that everyone else can do it just like they do...

My advice is to get the surgery and then show her with your progress just how ready you are for it...Sometimes its best to let the results speak for themselves.... :frown:

Good luck and keep us posted.

[jre1974 0]

I've only told a select few people about my surgery and have just been ignoring everyone else for right now.

[bbrot001 0]

Unfortunatly, a lot of people dont understand what it is like to fight be heavy your whole life. I am sure most people who get the band dont just wake up one day and get it. Not to mention people are going to have something negative to say about anything in life. Truthfully there is a very good chance the lady you work with is a bit jealous!! I wouldnt worry about her. Besides you work with her...Work is work you go there to make $$. Look for support from family and friends first.

[Kelly22 1]

Thanks everyone! I don't understand where it came from, I really don't. :frown: I was sort of shocked how she did it. Of course, I wonder if she's miserable sometimes because all she talks about is working out and she eats NOTHING. She gets 1200 calories a day and burns an excessive amount. (She told me how many calories a day she gets)

It was just hurtful the way she was like "I don't think you're ready" and stuff. She has no idea the ups and downs I've had with my weight over the years.

It just reinforced my decision to definitely not tell a lot of other people.

My psych doc warned me that people may act different and react badly after the surgery! He said basically that they'd be jealous of all the new clothes you'll be wearing!!!! :frown:

It's hard when it's people you work with as you're around them more than your true friends who want the best for you!!! I think stories like yours is what is making me not share my surgery journey with my co-workers!!! :frown: So they won't have a chance to nitpick at me!

[kagead 0]

Whatever her reasons/motivations may be, they don't matter. Bottom line is what you said yourself: You have only known this woman for 4 months. Why do you care what she says? Why give her this power?

Just remember, living well is the best revenge. You can smile sweetly (and ever so slightly smugly) as you bask in your success. Each size dropped, each NSV and each compliment from anyone within earshot will be that much better knowing you did the right thing for YOU. :frown:

Don't let the turkeys get you down. They aren't worth the platters they'll eventually be served on.

kagead

[reginemichel 1]

Some people will never, I mean never ever know what it feels like to go through a weight gain/ loss cycle. To them, you never did enough effort. To them, you are a person who is lazy, eat to much and doesn't have any self control. So don't be angry about her commit because she has no clue. No one know you more than yourself so keep doing what's good for you.

Don't keep telling people about what you think is good for yourself. I'm 30 years old now and I've wanted the band since I was 25. My ex-boyfriend made me feel bad about wanting to have the surgery. He felt just like that girl at your job. He has the body type that never needs to workout and always stay fit. So for year I was killing myself at the gym and feeling bad for myself because I just never could keep the weight off. I finally find out that I have a hormonal problem (PCOS) which affects my weight and having children. So guess what? Five years later with one less issue in my life (X- boyfriend) and a lot to look forward to. I'm having my band surgery on 3/26/10 and I can't wait. So do whats right for you. Good Luck.

Edited March 13, 2010 by reginemichel