Both struggling and fighting the urge to quit...

[allisong2 0]

Like everyone else I am so glad I stumbled upon this sub-forum of the website - this is just what I needed today. I apologize in advance but this is going to be a lengthy post....probably more for me to just vent than anything else! :thumbup:

My husband and I were both banded in July 2008. We have both struggled with our weight since we were in high school and both had success taking some off while we were single but obviously couldn't keep it off or we wouldn't have needed banding! Our being overweight is affecting our lives in every way possible and unfortunately, despite loving having someone who understands what I'm going through, we can at times be our own worst enemies. We decided that if we were going to have wls we were going to do it together so we could fight the struggles as a team. Despite all of that I wouldn't do it any other way and can't imagine if he hadn't had surgery the same time I did. Insurance paid for his but we had to pay for mine out of pocket so needless to say this wasn't an inexpensive decision and we thought that the added incentive of paying so much money might be the little extra push we needed to stay on track. Wrong.

Here we are 1.5 years into it and he's lost a total of 45lbs (out of a goal of 80) and I've lost around 25 (out of a goal of 100). I know any weight gone is good but I can't help but be frustrated with how it's going. Everyone in our families know, all of our closest friends know, and quite a few people we work with know. And I know they wonder how the heck we are still fat after having weight loss surgery, watching us struggle with meals, throw up when we get stuck, and just be miserable day in and day out. It seems the only time either one of us lose is when we're too tight and can keep anything down. I lost the majority of my weight on my pre-surgery diet - that's sad.

We finally decided to go back for a fill last week because it had been about 9 months since our last fill and we both knew we needed to be tighter. We put off going back to the doctor because of the disapproving looks we get when we're there. I don't feel like they are supportive of our struggles - their answer always is "you need to take smaller bites or you need to chew better or make better food decisions". They don't want to admit that we might be doing all of that and still struggling. I will be the first to admit that we haven't done everything that we're supposed to do. I don't exercise regularly (my husband does faithfully for 30+ minutes every day). I cheat when I haven't been able to eat because I'm hungry and I don't want to fight it. I have contemplated going some place else for follow up but I don't know that I can afford that so for now we're stuck.

This being fat/obese/overweight or whatever you want to call it has affected our lives in more ways than we care to discuss. I want to have children but can't until I lose some weight. Getting pregnant isn't really a concern right now because neither of us have the desire for anything like that! We are both depressed, frustrated, angry, disappointed, and ready to throw in the towel. As my husband says - "I'd almost rather be fat and not fight eating than be thin and as miserable as I am right now".

I keep trying to keep a positive attitude but it's SO hard when you see no results. I feel most days like it's a lost cause and that's discouraging to me becuase I've never been a quitter or failed at anything I've set my mind to. We've recommitted ourselves to the process and are going to give it another try - I don't really see that we have any other choice at this point. We can't stay this weight so something has to change.

Anyway, I told you this would be a long post and I was right! I feel better being able to get this off my chest and to read others posts to know we're not alone. I know deep down this was the right decision but day to day "it's hard to see the forest for the trees".

Thanks for "listening"...

Allison G

[btrieger 21]

First off, congrats on the weight loss!

You've got too much time and money invested to give up now.

A positive attitude is really required. I know how hard it can be to think positively but if just one of you can manage to do it the energy may shine through to the other. Then you just watch out for each other and thwart any negativity that manifests.

I would confront the surgeon's staff in a positive manner. Find out first hand if they really are judging you. If they aren't, you've killed that demon. If they are, let them know how it is affecting your over all health. They may be thinking of you as just another patient. Opening up to them may make the sympathize.

Also, follow all of the rules or let the surgeon know which ones you are having an issue with. Doctors can't help patients that aren't totally honest with them.

Please don't quit and I wish you luck in whatever you end up doing!

[SFC_Mom 0]

I feel like you, that I am not quitter, and successful at most things I try, but this weight is something that I can't seem to get a handle on.

Currently I am doing well, after getting banded in 2006 and having a leaking tube repaired in 2009. I had regained all of the weight I lost and thought I was a failure. Now that my band is working again, I decided to approach it with a renewed sense of committment. The biggest help to me has been my diet journal. With it, I keep myself accountable for every bite or sip that goes in my mouth. It is tedious at times, but helps me stay on track. Along with my journal, I plan my meals the day before. If I don't do that, I almost always make some kind of bad choice, either something not low fat or low in carbs, or something that gets stuck. (Never fun in public!)

Exercise has also been a huge benefit. I battle depression and found that exercise helps fight it. When I don't exercise, the gloomy feelings threaten to take over, but running on the treadmill or climbing a bunch of stairs on the stairclimber seems to help purge those negative feelings. Unfortunately it only lasts a day or two and then I have to exercise again! But it is better than a pill and actually helps my weight loss too. And it feels great that now I can actually write in my journal that I ran X miles in whatever time, when before I would get winded from walking. Maybe you and your husband can find a way that you can exercise together, and then it becomes more of an activity and less a chore. Even just casual walks together beats the zero calories you burn sitting on the couch.

The most important thing is that you have not given up. You deserve to be healthy! You can do this, one day at a time.

Best of luck

[SassyB 0]

Congratulations to both of you on the weight that you have lost. I was banded April '09 and have lost 31 lbs. I must admit that I thought the weight would come off a lot faster. When it didn't I started eating things I shouldn't have. I dreaded going in for the fill because I hadn't lost more weight. There is a lot of information out here about the LB surgery procedure and even meals, but there doesn't seem to be much on how to change our thinking about food. I had the psychological evaluation but that is as far as I have gone into getting help with the mental part of this journey. For so many of years food has been a big part of my life (family reunions, summer cookouts, etc.). Sometimes it has been a comfort, but I think on a whole I LOVE EATING GOOD FOOD. So I'm trying to change my relationship with food, realizing that it did take me years to get here so getting back to a healthy weight will not be a short trip and I may even "fall off the LB wagon", but I will get up and start over. I know that my thinking is starting to change because I look at food labels, when I never did before. Sometimes I even look at food and asks myself if it's worth the set back the I WILL HAVE if I eat it. Each of us are different and we have to find out what works best for us. This has been the hardest thing for me as of late because of menopause; I so want to be one of those people who can have the potato chips, Bagels or muffins without it sending me into a out of control downward spiral. I'm just not one of those people. I have found that having no carbs work for me. So I'm trying to find good carbs to replace the bad ones.

Go back and get your fills, even if you the doctor come down on you, face the music and move on. Don't let that stop you from trying to change things. Each of you will have to find out what works for you and go in that direction which may be different. I have to give it to you for doing the LB with you husband. :thumbup: I don't know if I could survive if my husband had the LB too :thumbup: (he's always been thin). He's one of those that discipline in so many areas of his life never seems to be a problem. It would be yet another comparison that I couldn't deal with.

Try again...don't give up.

[lapbandmom89 0]

Hi. I must say upfront that I am not banded my daughter is but I paid for the surgery and still take her to everyone of her appointments because this was an investment for me and worth every penny to me if it worked for her. My daughter was banded in April 08 at the age of 18. I was so excited for her but it has been anything but a fun ride. She dropped 19 pounds in the first two months after surgery but then it all pretty much stopped. Then she started the up a pound, down two pounds, up four pounds, down 2 pounds...... each time she went to the doctor she would get a small fill except for the one time he gave her a slight unfill. In her 9 cc Realize band she was up to 8.5 cc and then she dropped 12 pounds. Just so happens she was going through a breakup at the time which may have been the reason for the weight loss. Then to complicate things more, she found out she was pregnant. She only gained 11 pounds during the pregnancy which was great. I expected her to lose more than she gained after the birth of the baby but she didn't but she did drop the 11 immediately. Three weeks after the baby she went back to the doctor who filled her band back to 6 cc. We were scheduled to return in 4 weeks and when she returned for that appointment she had gained 5 pounds! Which didnt make much sense to me seeing as she had joined the YMCA and had been exercising and actually enjoying it. We were there last Friday, and this new doctor we are seeing is wonderful by the way....he too is banded. He told her he wanted her to do like two Protein bars a day and then one "real" meal of like a chicken breast etc. Also, she is NEVER to drink calories of any kind again, not a Protein shake, nothing and he did not want to give her another fill at that time becuase she did have one episode of throwing u. So we got the bars and she has been doing that with very litttle deviation and after a week she is up 2 pounds! I dont know if it takes a while for this protien thing to kick in or what. He said "trust me on this". So I dont know if this is hormonal or what. She did just get the new 5 year birth control gadget and in on her cycle now so I dont know if that is it or what. I do know that she doesnt drink enough. She used to be a big milk drinker but with her meals and now of course you dont do that so she just doesnt drink enough of anything, which I know from personal experience is not good.

So, I guess she is heartbroken. She feels like a failure.....a fat failure with what she calls a "fat flap" now from pregnancy. She is almost back to pre-surgery weight and we are almost two years into this. I guess I would feel better about the starting over after baby thing if she had been real successful before the pregnancy but she wasnt. I beginnig to think there is something wrong with her. Why cant she lose with this thing? Maybe the 8.5 cc thing was it but we didnt really have enough time to figure that out before the pregnancy came up and she had to get a partial unfill.

I am going to call the doc on Monday. He said to call if ever she needed him before her appointment and we are going to do just that. We will drive the three hours if need be to get another fill which she is sure now that she needs.

Anyone have any words of hope? Encouragement? Ideas? Is this normal after pregnancy? Is it just that she needs more of a fill? Or is it just impossible for some people to actually lose weight?