Why Tell Anyone?

[Erin Marie 0]

My whole family and most of my friends know. It's a good way, I figure, to get negative, judgemental people out of my life. So far, no need to ditch anyone. They've all been very supportive, encouraging, even going out of thier way to make sure there is something I can eat at get togethers and parties.

People will surprise you if you give them the chance.

[HAL380 0]

Thanks for all your replies to my post. As I said I am rather private, but on the other hand I enjoy having some fun at others expense. So maybe what I will do when asked about my wonderful weight loss. I will simply tell them I have a fantastic weight loss plan and if you give me $20.00 I will write out for you. He He

On a serious note, I will share it if I think it would be a positive help to someone else who is obese. If a slender person asked then perhaps it is not something I would discuss.

Regards

Hal

[HappyMom 1]

Ooops...I also clicked the "No-Don't Tell Anyone" button. I have only discussed the surgery with my husband (kids are too little to understand).

I am not sure if I will tell anyone else. I guess that I don't want the perceived pressure of people watching my weight loss, what I eat, and how I act afterward. I don't want to have to feel accountable to everyone that I told about the surgery.

Maybe with time this will change, but right now I am keeping this decision between myself and husband.

[Ali2010 1]

So, I am chosing only to tell my immeidate family; At work when I am gone and someone asks where I was, what should I say? I can't say female surgery as I had that last year....hernia, gladder, etc? I am close to some people at work and feel guilty not telling them but it would get around and I don't want people talking...what should I say?

[MommyTawnie 0]

I have been open about this subject from the day I made the decision to look into it and do my research. But after meeting with the doctor on the 1st I decided that I wanted to keep the official decision to myself "my husband knows of course". Yes my family knows that I was looking into it, but they do not know that I have officially decided to take that journey. I know they would be supportive of my decision, but I want this to be about me, and me alone. I live far away from my parents, and have not gotten to see them in over a year. I want them to see me as a happy person again the way things are looking now the surgery will be somewhere in July or August. We have a family event at the end of August, and yes I will more then likely tell everyone at that time that I had made my decision and was past the surgery. I don't need to hear an opinion from everyone. I want them to know this was me and only me that made this choice.

[KimDB 0]

Originally, before starting to jump through the official hoops, I had considered not telling anyone.

Then, I had posted several weeks ago after the process was started that I had made the mistake of telling 2 neighbor friends, who did not have the reaction I anticipated. Instead of support, they apparently decided they were going to get together and "help me" do it the "healthy" way by being my exercise buddies, etc. I learned a lot about telling people then.

Since then I have been extremely circumspect about my situation. I did have to go on vacation with extended family and avoided nearly all eat-out situations. I just told them I was on a doctor-supervised diet and was eating in, which was true. But, did not mention anything about what I am preparing for.

Only one sister-in-law knows and we have agreed it is not a good idea for at least one other SIL to know. She is extremely competitive when it comes to weight, is always fighting losing about 30 or so lbs she carries around, and frankly, it's pretty obvious she takes a lot of comfort in always at least being more slender than I am. I am her "weight" safety net. I have paid very close attention to how she acts even when I am just trying to watch what I eat, and it's like she's only comfortable when I am eating and she can watch me! On vacation I'll never forget we were outside in a circle of chairs and she came to find me and ask if I'd had my cheeseburger from the grill yet! I said I had (and I had, just the one), and she said there was one left, did I want it? I said no thanks. Later she wrapped it up and brought it to our room 'in case one of my kids wanted it'. I am pretty sure she thought I'd eat it behind closed doors. (And I did split it between my kids about as quickly as I could. Who wants temptation. I am still trying to lose 20lbs for the surgeon.)

Anyway, I just have a feeling that if she's carrying 30lbs and I'm carrying 100, and I go for a lap band, that would just about put her over the edge. I have been very, very careful not to let anything get out in my extended family as a result.

My plan may be to tell them later, just because I don't think I can hide this forever, we spend too much time together, but I'd rather not endure the speeches before hand from everyone else who thinks they have a better idea about what I should do with my body than my doctor or myself.

This is always a good question, and I wrestle with it every day. Just last night talked to my mother. Again thought about telling her, but then stayed quiet. Staying quiet for now seems to be the mature thing to do. If I'm not asking for input, and have adequate support from those I do share the information with ... there is really no reason to let them in on my medical plans.

[kagead 0]

First off, I agree that each person has to make the decision that is right for him or her in each particular situation. I have struggled with my weight my entire adult life, so pretty much anyone who knows me knows the battle I fight.

Personally, I NEED the support of friends and family to make this work.

The detractors can say whatever they please- I have no issue with that at all. People who talk behind others backs will talk no matter what- the subject is irrelevant. If it weren't my weight, it would be my job, the guys I date, where I live or whatever. Life is too short to worry about the haters.

My mom had LB almost 3 years ago so telling the immediate family was no problem at all. I have known most of my best friends since childhood so they were easy to tell and incredibly supportive (they are all thin/healthy weight.) My "newer" friends have been great, too.

I am self employed as a manufacturer's rep so I don't have to deal with a boss or coworkers, but I will have to tell the companies I represent that I will be taking some time off. For now, I am telling them I am having hiatial hernia surgery (which I am.)

The only part of this I am struggling with a bit is the fact that I have worked in my industry for 18 years and know many, many, many people. Some of them I only see once a year, others I see frequently and some I even travel with.

The "once a year" group will be tough. When I see them next I will be 7 months post-op and hopefully, will look somewhat different. I'll have to do some 'splaining there.

I am leaning toward the following: I lost some on my own and when I saw that I wouldn't be able to keep it off, I had WLS to help me finish the job."

Wishing everyone a smooth road to success, no matter which path you travel!

kagead

[girl55 5]

i kinda feel the same way. I'm not going to tell anyone but my immediate family and one friend at work, who I know will not say anything. and the only reason for telling her is I need her to watch my back, as in lifting and moving things. But I don't blame you.

[Drasan 23]

When I was first looking into the surgery, I talked about it with my husband, adult children and some extended family, mostly to get a sense of what they thought and hoping for support.

What I learned is that not all these people (extended family) felt it necessary to keep it to themselves. So now a lot more people know and they tell people and those people tell people. Now a whole lot of people know. Oh well.

What I haven't appreciated is the horror stories that have been passed along to the people I trust by other's whose opinions I could really care less about. I don't need uninformed people worrying those I love.

So, if I had it to do over again, I would only tell my spouse and adult children, period.

[Family First 0]

So far I have only told family and my closest co-workers. I figure if something happens to me at work someone needs to know what I am going through. They promised to keep it to them selves. Hope I made the right decision in tell them.:smile2:

[willowcat 93]

I absolutely have always hated having my weight being anything but my own business. Up or down, I've always wanted "no comment" from anyone.

I told my mother, my husband, and one close friend about my surgery. Now 9 months later and about 80lbs lighter, of course my weight loss is obvious to anyone who's known me.

I decided that I didn't want anyone to think I'd lost all this weight by myself--if I could have done it without surgery, I certainly would have years ago! Now, when someone says something about my weight loss I just say right away that I've had surgery (I've only had one person say "Ew" to the thought of surgery--everyone else has had a "good for you" attitude). I elaborate only if they ask for more information.

[fourme 0]

I find in telling everyone, I have opened myself up to being accountable. Also if anyone is interested in having WLS I am opening myself up to being a go to person. I will share what I have learned so far with anyone interested. I love my band and it sure has changed my relationship with food, and if there is anyone I can help... wonderful.

[headin_to_mxico 0]

I was orig only going to tell my spouse. Obv he had the right to know. I ended up telling one close friend who is not friends with any of my other friends. She is like a mother fig to me, and since my mother can be a bit of a talker with my other fam members, I chose not to tell her. So I am 9 months out and only two people besides my Doctor know. I do have friends I have met on the band websites who I can talk to about my experiences, so I dont feel like I need to tell my friends for support. Thats why sites like these are so important to long term success for those of us who choose to keep it private. That way I have support, but I dont need to compromise my privacy. I dont think I will ever tell anyone else about my surgery.

[Lady Crimzon 0]

I have told family & close friends, however the 2 weeks off work caused alot of questions. I don't hide the fact that I got the band. And actually there are quite a few of us now that have it there. We support each other for the most part. I do however get tired of the daily how much have you lost... I do not weigh daily and the skinny people that continually ask aggravate me sometimes. Maybe if I truly thought they cared even a little it would be different. Also the "Hey skinny" ... why do people have to place "labels"? One...I'm far from skinny, but working on a healthy weight. Two... I have a Name...and its not "skinny"...

Maybe they mean well, but it gets old.

[JustAskinThx 0]

I'm still early on in "The Journey"--got my psych eval appointment for today, as a matter of fact--but I'm thinking carefully about who to tell and how. I have been very open with my husband and son, as their lifestyles are starting to change too (we're all starting to eat healthier) and I have told two close friends who share weight struggles. I have one more friend I plan to tell--one of those Friends You Want At Your Bedside nurturing sorts--but beyond that, not sure I'll tell ANYONE. I'm going with the "Oh, I'm on a doctor-supervised weight loss plan. Thank you for noticing," approach myself. For now--this may change--as I said, I'm early on in this process.