Why Tell Anyone?

[Windus 0]

I am firmly in the don't tell category. But then I have always been the type who makes all my own decisions and just do what needs to get done. I really don't care what anyone else thinks about it but I also don't want to have to discuss it ad naseum and have it be all that people think about and comment on when I run into them.

My adult daughter and my 2 closest friends are the only ones who know. One friend was totally supportive and very excited, the other tried to tell me I did not need the surgery and tell me a horror story about someone else she knew that it did not go well for. But, now that it is done she is fine and just asks how I am feeling.

Everyone else just thinks I went to Cancun for a week for vacation. They don't need to know that the last 2.5 days were not spent snorkeling! As I posted lots of pictures of my trip on Facebook I don't think anyone has even an inkling that the trip had two purposes.

Windus

Banded 4-23-10 in Cancun

[jingleboob 5]

:w00t:I'm having a hard time with this too! I'm on the radio and share almost all aspects of my life with my listeners. I've told my co-host about it off the air, my family and fiance also are in on it. I think that AFTER surgery, once the weight loss becomes obvious I will have to address it to our audience... just not sure how. Do I talk about it, blog about it, open up the phones for questions, have my dr on the air with us?

I don't have a surgery date yet so I've got time to figure these things out!!! good luck to you and hope you get all of the support you need!

[perryjoyce 0]

I think I've decided to handle it like this: my boyfriend, my parents, my siblings, my best friends, and my closest co-workers (who overlap the "best friend" category) all know. For my extended family and my co-workers I'm less close to, I will tell them if/when they ask about my changing appearance. This goes along with my personality in general - I'm extremely open and honest if you ask me directly, but I don't necessarily spill out personal information without prompt.

I think when I first get a comment, which will most certainly be in the form of, "What are you doing?" (which in diet obsessed coworker speak means "what fad diet are you following") I'll simply reply: "I just finally got serious about improving my health." If they persist and want to know details, I'll tell them part of getting serious involved accepting my limitations and getting the help and the tools I need to succeed, i.e., a LAP-BAND®.

Part of me dreads this conversation because of the gossipy nature of my family and co-workers, but part of me is really looking forward to it. There are many people in my life who are probably perfect candidates for WLS and are currently stuck in the vicious terminal dieter cycle and I look forward to pointing them towards the hope that this surgery has given me. That right there is the sole reason I've decided to be honest with them if they ask. Kind of a "paying it forward" kind of thing.

[chicalynn 0]

I've read most of everyone's responses to this question. It is nice to see alot of people being willing to discuss this with at least close friends and family. I started this process completely by myself with only my mother and brother involved mostly by the phone as they live in another state. They were obviously supportive. I then started to slowly tell a few close friends, the ones I go out to eat alot with as they were going to obviously see a huge difference in what I order and how I move items to small plates. I am well known in my line of work but unfortunately I may not see some accounts for several months. They results slowly started and the comments were "wow, you're losing weight. You look great!" Next question is ALWAYS: "how are you doing it?" I usually tell them truthfully about Portion Control and small plates, etc....I have told a few close accounts the truth and honestly I have had a few cry with me over it because they were so moved by it and it helped my relationship with them as well because I trusted them with my "secret". I do not shout it from the mountaintops but I no longer feel ashamed for having to have this surgery. It has taken me 16 months to get to this point mentally but I am so proud to have the band and I hope everyone on here who is about to go through this process finds the mental acceptance like I have.

[2beskinny 4]

I've read most of everyone's responses to this question. It is nice to see alot of people being willing to discuss this with at least close friends and family. I started this process completely by myself with only my mother and brother involved mostly by the phone as they live in another state. They were obviously supportive. I then started to slowly tell a few close friends, the ones I go out to eat alot with as they were going to obviously see a huge difference in what I order and how I move items to small plates. I am well known in my line of work but unfortunately I may not see some accounts for several months. They results slowly started and the comments were "wow, you're losing weight. You look great!" Next question is ALWAYS: "how are you doing it?" I usually tell them truthfully about Portion Control and small plates, etc....I have told a few close accounts the truth and honestly I have had a few cry with me over it because they were so moved by it and it helped my relationship with them as well because I trusted them with my "secret". I do not shout it from the mountaintops but I no longer feel ashamed for having to have this surgery. It has taken me 16 months to get to this point mentally but I am so proud to have the band and I hope everyone on here who is about to go through this process finds the mental acceptance like I have.

I enjoyed your post. I hope that mentally I will "get there" as well. Waiting for insurance approval right now, so I've got a long way to go, however I feel that I don't want anyone to know other than my husband and sister. I am sure that as time goes on, I may selectively tell a few others (after the surgery?), and I like the idea of inspiring others; it's just that right now I'm so afraid of failure (by me) and judgment (by others). I hope I get to a peaceful place about it all one day, like you :scared2: Congrats on your success!

[KimDB 0]

My very first posts to this forum involved whether or not to tell people. Ultimately I found that I was more open to telling people as I myself became more comfortable and empowered by the process. I have worked hard to go to all the appointments, lose the pre-op weight and get my mind wrapped around what I am doing. As I became more secure with my decision, it didn't matter so much what other people thought.

And, after all, it's not like it's not obvious I have had developed a long-term problem with food and control. You can't be fat behind closed doors, like other problems.

Just a story. I reconnected on Facebook with an old classmate recently and told her I was having this surgery. She told me that she secretly had RNY surgery 7 years ago, that it was the best thing she had ever done for herself, but that only a few people knew. I was happy that my telling her about myself helped her to open up.

Likewise I would hate to represent to someone else with a weight problem who the surgery could help, some lie that I had done it all by the force of will power.

[tinksmom 0]

I've told all my family, and some friends...although I haven't hidden it from others. It just hasn't come up. I was in the looong process of debating whether or not to have the band placed when casual remarks by two women who had had WLS opened up a dialog that helped me decide. One mentioned her previous weight and I was shocked...and a little depressed because I "knew" I could never lose that much. She just laughed and told me about her lapband. I had never heard of it, and her remark made me look into it and find my first seminar. I was still hesitant - especially about the food restrictions post band - when I met another woman at the grocery store...in the gourmet wine section. We chatted about this one wine I was tasting and she remarked that since she had to drink fluids since her WLS, she liked the wine because it went with her drink of choice, coffee. That opened the way for my questions about her experience, food restrictions, and - since she hd R-en-Y and her husband had the band - what the difference was between the options. She was very encouraging for either and if I hadn't met her that day, I would not have gone to the second seminar and then made my decision to go ahead. So I've decided to pay it forward and not be worried about what others think of say behind my back as there may be someone I can help by simly treating this like any other part of my life experiences...something that may come up in conversation when appropriate.