Why Tell Anyone?

[Mardeb 0]

I have thought about tellking people for the last few months and have decided only to tell my husband and adult kids as well. It seems that people that have not struggled with their weight just do not understand what has led to making the decision on having surgery. I have never experienced anything negative about my weight and I am lucky not to have any of the illnesses associated with obesity. But before I do, and after years of yo-yo dieting, this is my private decision which is highly supported by my family.

Now - the problem is how creative can I get with the world when they start seeing the weigjt drop and the chnage in my eating habits???? My job consists of wining and dining customers so this should be fun. Please share any ideas if you have the same dilema.

My banding date is on target for March 30th.

[shellyphaunts 0]

When I finally decided on getting banded, I told my husband, my children and my parents. I hadn't yet decided if I wanted my sister to know. She is also obese and very emotionally unstable. Unfortunately, someone in my family has a very big mouth and didn't abide by wishes. My sister was told.

She has been completely unsupportive to the point of mean. I've spent six months losing and gaining the same 15 pounds, miserable and feeling like I destroyed our family. Some rather rude comments she made over the summer have wreaked devistation on all of my relationships, and I am still trying to put the pieces back together.

Just be careful who you tell. Some people, even people who supposedly love you, can't stand to watch you succeed. Especially when they can't.

[MrsCabes 2]

I tell only those people that I love and trust - everyone else is on a "need to know" basis...when or if I decide that they ever need to know, I'll tell them.

This is MY personal decision and MY personal journey - just like with any surgery, I have a right to keep it to myself. Just because they CAN know, doesn't mean that they HAVE to know.

[gingerjane 5]

The people I work with know and some close friends. I work in a TINY office, so I have to take off of work, etc. One of the girls here had lost a bunch of weight and had Lipo, so she was like "I totally support it!" She was very supportive and nice about it. I'm not telling my husband's family. They'll just know that I had a hernia surgery. They're just mean and evil when it comes to my weight and have made their fair share of nasty comments to me, so I felt it was best to leave them out. And I expressed that to my husband. He knows that they're jerks.

I was sort of shocked that my brother wasn't more supportive. He is more upset about me "altering" my body but I don't think he gets how the surgery is done.

Of course, my friend did ask me "how are you going to explain the weight loss to his parents one day?". I guess that's a bridge I'll cross when I get there.

[Bull Moose 0]

When I started thinking about getting the band, I was of quiet about it. I went to the seminar without talking to anyone about it, including my wife. Then I told my wife. Then I told my family. Then I made a one-time announcement to anyone who I thought cared.

Now I'll talk about it if asked, but I try not to talk too much about it because it probably bores people to death unless they are thinking about it themselves.

I also work in a small office, I'm one of two lawyers with a staff of three others, so I couldn't just disappear for a week, plus I didn't want to worry them by just leaving it at "I'm getting surgery."

I'm typically pretty thick-skinned, though, so hearing mean comments wasn't really a concern for me.

[babsy 0]

Hi

It is a tricky decision, but like deciding whether or not to have LAP-BAND®® surgery is a private decision, based on your life experiences. For example if your friends and family have been supportive about your previous efforts with your weight, they probably will be with this.

I have told my side of our family, and they are all supportive, even though my oldest daughter is not sure it's a good idea. She also struggles with her weight, but finds the thought of surgery very scary. So far I have told a couple of close friends only, but my decision & surgery happened in one week, so I will tell more people as I meet them. Also, I'm an RN, so people are less likely to question my medical decisions, as they think I know more about it than they do. Haha. If they seem negative I can bamboozle them with facts and statistics. That might be a good way for some of you guys to explain things to doubters - e.g., quote that only 5% of weight loss is permanent without surgery, and the stress of yo-yo dieting is as dangerous as being morbidly obese.

I have not told my in-laws, except for one sister-in-law who is a close friend. My MIL would not understand, but would tell her version of the story (totally made up) to anyone & everyone. She knows I had "stomach surgery", but 2 weeks prior I had "bowel surgery" and she doesn't need to know those details either. She has assumed they're connected, which is fine. I guess as a fairly private person I've chosen to share those details with only a few people also.

When people ask how I've lost weight down the track (I'm only 1 week post banding) I can choose to tell them about the surgery (whole story) or about Portion Control (true, but part of story).

I really enjoy hearing everybodys stories

Babsy

[Bull Moose 0]

If anyone asks me about the scars, though, I'm going to tell them I was shot in the gut for hitting on a mobster's girlfriend.

That ought to get me some street cred, to boot.

[kcweir 0]

The only person who knows is my husband, my kids are too young to understand. I chose not to tell anyone because I didn't want to be watched carefully and constantly asked about how it was going. Also, I know that my mother would not agree with it and I didn't want anyone to try to talk me out of it.

So far I'm down 40 pounds, so the loss has been slow enough that not many people have said anything or even noticed. After 5 1/2 months, and 8.3cc in my band, I finally feel like I have restriction enough to cause a significant weight loss. My thinking is that I'll never be able to untell, so I'm being very careful about if and when I decide to. As my weight loss becomes more noticeable, I may choose to tell some people, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

[Sarah.R 2]

I haven't told alot of people and yet more and more seem to find out, I actually had a colleague from another office get it done (found out on monday) and was in complete shock, mainly because she isn't that big at all, she looks about 80kgs so it doesnt look like the right option for her. But in saying that she found out that I had it done from the receptionist who has it as well, so I dunno as long as it stays inside work it doesn't honestly bother me, it's when friends find out and are discriminative about it.

[anglov 0]

I told some of my co-workers. Definitely my boss. These are people I deal with daily and that usually involves meals. I also want their support. If they know I have lap band they won't intentionally or unintentionally bring foods around that I can't have. At least during the initial weeks. I know that at some point I will be able eat all foods and then it will be my choice but at first I am very limited and I need their help. Plus if I were to have a complication I wouldn't have to explain. I haven't told all of my family and I may not. I am not as close to some of my family as I am to my co-workers. Sad as that is. I need support and knowing that they know will keep me on track or shame me if I don't. I need that accountability.

[J_True 0]

Hi everyone. I told my immediate family because I live at home and it would be impossible for them not to know. As far as friends or co-workers, I only told a few...one who had the surgery herself, another who had liposuction, and a third who is just very supportive. I do not intend to tell casual friends or people I don't think will understand.

[Ohm 0]

It's only a thought, and I wouldn't want to be the one to tell you what to do, but I have had to be completely open and frank with any and everybody who might possibly find themselves in the situataion of seeing me eat or drink. This is because my eating habits have necessarily changed so vastly from how I used to eat and drink and nobody, but nobody could possibly view the way I eat and drink without thinking that something is wrong - a rumour even started up that I ws suffering from throat cancer WHICH I AM NOT. In the light of this rumour I just came clean with everyone and am frank with everyone.

I am not ashamed of the band. For me, it is an entirely necessary tool which enables me to live my life as normally as possible. It is as necessary to me as my specs, a prosthetic leg for an amputee or a hearing aid for someone with impaired hearing.

Those people who sneer at me for "taking the easy way out" don't know what they are talking about. The band is a useful tool, but it doesn't do the job for you.

Good luck.

Edited March 14, 2010 by Ohm
Typos

[KarenCI 0]

Keeping it to a small close group has been tough. At first I was just going to tell my hubby and parents. Then hubby decided since we were traveling from NC to Tijuana and he is from SoCal he would organize a small family reunion 'as long as we're going to be there' Of course, everyone wants to know why you're not eating anything, and not real active, so THEY have to know. Then decided I had better let the cat sitter in on it in case there were any complications and had to be gone longer. . .and SHE told just a few people, confidentially of course :-) so pretty soon everyone who was interested knew, and had an opinion - everything from 'you go girl!' to 'if you would just stick to a diet you wouldn't need it' to "Mexico? are you crazy? You're going to get mugged or something! (this is rural NC, after all)' So be confident that you are doing what is best for you, accept the support when it's offered, and let the negative just wash away unheeded. Save the energy spent wondering about who knows and what they think to concentrate on your exercise plan!

[nfl1 0]

I find in telling everyone, I have opened myself up to being accountable. Also if anyone is interested in having WLS I am opening myself up to being a go to person. I will share what I have learned so far with anyone interested. I love my band and it sure has changed my relationship with food, and if there is anyone I can help... wonderful.

I ditto everything you said! In addition, I lived 25 years in the closet, and never realized how much energy it takes to hide an important part of yourself...I'm not willing to do that again - way too much stress. All my energy goes to living my life, and sharing with family, friends, and others.

[PuppyBandit 2]

I have opted to tell people, but only those closest to me. But if asked, I am going to tell.

I’m in month 2 of the 6 month pre surgery requirements of my insurance. I’ve only officially told 4 people at work, I told my supervisor, who previously unknown to me is also in the 6 month pre op stages of the gastric bypass, our surgeries will be within a few months of each other so that will make it easier. The only reason we found out about each other was the yellow notebook the weight loss surgery center gave us. His was on his desk and I recognized it LOL. The best thing is we go to the same doctor and so he is ahead of me on everything so I can ask advice since we have same insurance. I was going to tell him anyway since I have to do all these appointments to get approved.

The main reason I am not keeping it secret is my best friend had the lap band about 5 years ago and didn’t tell anyone and since then it’s been the “big secret” and when we go out to eat and if something makes her a little sick, she can’t say anything and then when she goes to the restroom, everyone asks me what is wrong with her. The first 6 months people kept asking me if she had gastric bypass or was sick, I could honestly say no (because she was banded LOL) but didn’t like being put in that position. She didn’t tell any of her family or most of our friends. Only about 6 people know officially, but I know many suspect she had weight loss surgery.

These days, when someone loses a vast amount of weight very quickly, it is usually suspected they had bariatric surgery anyway.

I’d rather just tell it and not let it worry me… I’m sure to get some of those looks that I am lazy and should try to lose the “normal” way. If I could do that, I wouldn’t want the surgery LOL.