Trouble in paradise

[guss walker 0]

Ok here's my public confession;

I was banded 2 years ago, lost 120 lbs of fat and added about 20lbs of muscle.

Ive since grown far from my wife, I feel like I have nothing in common with her, the love has died. could this have been a result of my weight loss? Apparently I'm kinda hot? I get a lot of attention from the opposite sex.There have been several occasions were I could have done something stupid, but I choose the high rode.

I don't dislike her but I don't feel the same love as I did when I was heavy. She has been consistent, I changed.

I was speaking with people I work with, they all agreed that I have changed. My self-esteem level has sky rocketed, Its made me a little more assertive and cocky.

Has anyone gone through this? Im at the point were counseling is not working and I feel no hope. Se really is a great woman.

[Marine mom 3]

It sounds as though your ego needs reigned in. This is a person who loved you unconditionally, and you've decided, what, that you can do better now? Sorry, but if she had said that about you when you were 120 lbs. heavier, what would that have said about her? It doesn't say anything better about you now.

Sorry, counseling would work if you wanted it to. It sounds as though you have made your choice. Love isn't always about lust and emotion.

[tgp157 0]

Pray & seek the Lord.

[Stacy1980 0]

Hi. where you overweight when you married her? Do you feel that you settled and now that you have your options, you no longer feel that "need" for her?

I am trying to look at this from your side and her side.

I have been on her side where after I gave birth to my daughter, my husband said that i was fat..i was a "great" person and deserved to be really loved. It hurt like a Mother F*er. But now that i am almost 2 years out of that relationship and loosing weight and feel better and better about myself i realized that when I got together with him and settled (eventhough I grew to love him because I kinda had to as a wife) most of my love came from settling. I didn't think I would be able to find another guy who cared for me as he did. (he was very much into me when we met eventhought i was overweight). But yeah, I loved him bc he was my husband and i settled. I think that if i was still married to him, I would take have of the crap he put me through and would have fallen out of love with him as well because I actually would feel better about myself and love myself enough to realize that.

This might be two different stories but what i am saying is that i kind of understand where you are coming from. However, I do believe that she stuck with you through thick and thin and i don't know what kind of relationship you had with her before this, but i agree with the prior post that it sounds like you already made up your mind and that is why the counseling is not working. There must have been something that you loved about her and maybe she is in a rut and as her husband, her best friend, her life companion, you should help her get out of that and be as happy as you are now.

No judgment here :biggrin: you have to do what you have to do but don't forget that you are not the only person in this relationship and what you decide will effect her life as well. I believe that marriage is a life time commitment unless you are physically and mentally abused. and i also believe that if you really want to - you can make this a great marriage but I have a feeling you don't as you are probably not used to the attention from other woman and now catching up with the lost time.

Good luck :laugh:

Stacy

[daqui26 4]

stacy i agree with you all the way.

[Bree99 1]

Every marriage has it's up and down times, sometimes they last for years. It is a committment and that means a choice you make again every day. I'm glad you've lost the weight and can really "feel" yourself. That doesn't mean you should abandon your commitment to your wife. Life is hard and you have a wife who has proven her loyalty and commitment to you. That is a rare and precious thing. You won't always be "hot". A marriage can be re-imagined and rejuvinated. I know. I've been married 25 years and some were blah and some were bad, but I decided to find out what part I played in our marital condition. It turned out that when my attitude changed, he was right there with me in the Quest to make things better. And things have never been better. I now find it hard to imagine that things _can_ get better! But I'm willing to find out! The grass may look greener on the other side, but it still needs to be mowed. You better think long and hard about this and examine your own part in the state of your relationship.

[guss walker 0]

Thank you for all your help

WOW-I'm the stupidest guy in the world. My wife is a great woman! I know this is with me. I really need to get my head on straight. She takes such great care of me. I don't know whats wrong, I just know I'm broken.

I decided not to leave. I think im seeking different bcus I know i will never find anyone as caring as her. I want excitement- I've been married for 11 years, im kind of bored. I think this is what its about.

[dsimms 5]

Why don't you try and bring some excitement and romance into your relationship? You could surprise her with flowers, plan a weekend getaway, take her out to dinner, a movie or whatever you both enjoy. Who knows you might be very pleased with how she responds.

[steelergirl 0]

Why wait for her to excite you??? It is very difficult to not be excited when the person you are with and love is the one bringing the excitement to you.

I find it hard to believe that your wife is sitting back and can't see the change in you....I think she is waiting for her husband to return:wink2:

Love is great if you open yourself up to it

[daqui26 4]

i agree with dsimms....plan a getaway even if its only for a few hours.

[Bree99 1]

Sea Assassin,

The easiest and most sure way to spice up a relationship is to do/learn something new together, especially something physical (and I don't mean sex, although, that's good too). Four years ago my hubby and I took up motorcycle riding and it's been great for our marriage. You might try that or white Water rafting, something with a tinge of adventure. You'll be pleasantly surprised at the results!