So It's True...Haters will emerge as you lose!

[Jachut 487]

Oh, its sooooo true. I flew under the radar all my life. I'm not butt ugly, but I'm not gorgeous either. I've never been thin, never had a "good figure" but I've never been so fat that people notice either, a BMI of 35 was my top, my I cant take it anymore weight, most of my life I hovered around the 28 mark, never obese, merely overweight.

Like that - kinda normal fat, kinda normal looking, no thread to anyone, my looks, my weight, my wardrobe NEVER threatened anyone or occasioned any comment at all. I was always just taken at face value.

Nowadays, I find I'm either automatically in the "in" group because I look "right" (and that offends me because I'm still the same person) or I get outright hostility from heavier people and barbed remarks about my weight, my diet, my exercise habits or just veiled exclusion from the groups of overweight, out of shape mothers if the friends of my kids.

Edited February 24, 2010 by Jachut

[~amy~ 1]

I had someone say a similar thing to me today!! She was also thin. I thought to myself, wow it is starting already. I told her how much more I wanted to lose, and she said "No you will be much too skinny" I was laughing inside, but I told her I would take it 5lbs at a time and decide with my Doctor. She seemed happier with that. I am sure it is only the beginning!! Oh well!!! I just choose to be amused!!!

Not that this comment wouldn't annoy the hell out of me, too, but you may consider that this person may not feel all that great about her body either. I had a very skinny room- mate in college. Every time I would diet, she would say something like, "Please don't get too skinny!" It always annoyed me, but one day we had a conversation about it. Turns out, she thought her body was "hideous" and wished that she could have some curves like me. Changed my outlook on her immediately. Just be careful when you run into a skinny person who makes a comment like this - you may not realize the self-image issues she might be dealing with. Just a thought. :wink:

[kagead 0]

Kind of building on what Amy said, I had a recent slap into reality. The comments may not be as mean spirited or backhanded as you may think. My friends (who are all at a healthy weight) simply do not see me as I see myself.

When I told one of them I am pretty close to what Carnie Wilson weighs now (shown in a recent issue of People Mag), she flipped out. In her mind, someone hovering around 220 lbs. looked like Carnie Wilson, NOT like me. In reality, we are about the same.

At one of my nutrition classes, one of the ladies said she had lost 65 lbs pre op and hoped to take off another 150 after bypass. Even in MY morbidly obese eyes, that seemed like a CRAZY number. Obviously, she is as far along in the process as I am and that number is probably pretty well thought out, but it still surprised me.

Just another perspective to consider!

kagead

[MrsCabes 2]

I'm just a couple weeks post surgery (I've lost 34# between pre-op diet and surgery) BUT...I've already had a couple people comment, "as long as YOU don't change!"

I've been thin before - I've been fat. I've been thin. I'm the same person whether I'm thin or fat. If you're a shitty person fat, you're going to be a shitty person thin. It works both ways! LOL

[JoJo1 0]

Not that this comment wouldn't annoy the hell out of me, too, but you may consider that this person may not feel all that great about her body either. I had a very skinny room- mate in college. Every time I would diet, she would say something like, "Please don't get too skinny!" It always annoyed me, but one day we had a conversation about it. Turns out, she thought her body was "hideous" and wished that she could have some curves like me. Changed my outlook on her immediately. Just be careful when you run into a skinny person who makes a comment like this - you may not realize the self-image issues she might be dealing with. Just a thought. :wink:

You are right, this does give me a new perspective with which to view these comments!! Thank you!!!

[titiay30 0]

It's funny because I hear it all the time. I have a few GF's that are really excited to see me losing weight...but to be honest, those that are not excited can kick rocks!! I am tired of holding on to weight.

I am not doing this for any other reason. I had a miscarriage in August due to being morbidly overweight. Now I am almost 32 and have no kids. I want to start a family!! So to h - e - double hockey sticks with those haters...

If I am friendless by the time I reach my goal weight, I have you guys and I have my hubby wubby that will love me no matter what I look like!:wink::thumbup:

[JoJo1 0]

It's funny because I hear it all the time. I have a few GF's that are really excited to see me losing weight...but to be honest, those that are not excited can kick rocks!! I am tired of holding on to weight.

I am not doing this for any other reason. I had a miscarriage in August due to being morbidly overweight. Now I am almost 32 and have no kids. I want to start a family!! So to h - e - double hockey sticks with those haters...

If I am friendless by the time I reach my goal weight, I have you guys and I have my hubby wubby that will love me no matter what I look like!:wink::thumbup:

My daughter got pregnant about 6 months after being banded. She has had infertility issues due to weight for years. She delivered a normal baby girl a year ago this Saturday. She did not get an unfill until the last month of her pregnancy. Good luck with this, I have a feeling you will be having kids much sooner than you think!!

[kiddow 0]

Well everyone, I know the feeling oh so well.

I lost a friend after 22 years!! Yep, you read that right 22 years God mother to my 2 boys.

She's bigger than me and used to pay me compliments everyday, but now that i have lost 4 dress sizes she won't say a word. I also heard from a mutual friend that she is now telling people that she is no longer my 2 sons god mother.....what kind of SH*T is that.

People are strange when they don't want to deal with change. I miss her dearly, but have moved on.

STAND STRONG......FINISH STRONG!!

[mirech 1]

There are some people out there who are haters because now they see you as "competition". Don't listen to them continue with your journey.

I am so luck that my friends who are all skinny have supported me through out this. They have even joined me in exercising and eating healthier. I told them to watch out because I would be getting into their closets and they are ok with it because they will also be raiding mine!

Stay focus and confident!

[~amy~ 1]

Now I'm wondering how many of our "friends" who have such a problem with our weight loss are also overweight as well. Is this the "fat friend phenomenon"?? I don't want to be your "fat friend"! If the only reason you hang out with me is to make yourself feel better about your own body, then please take a hike...to hell.

While I try to have a pretty good understanding of the skinny friend thing that we just talked about, I do however, have a BIG issue with my overweight friends treating me like crap because I'll no longer be the fattest one in the group. What is that all about anyway?

[~amy~ 1]

My daughter got pregnant about 6 months after being banded. She has had infertility issues due to weight for years. She delivered a normal baby girl a year ago this Saturday. She did not get an unfill until the last month of her pregnancy. Good luck with this, I have a feeling you will be having kids much sooner than you think!!

Oh how awesome is this!!! Congratulations!! I know how excited you all must be! :wink:

[JoJo1 0]

Now I'm wondering how many of our "friends" who have such a problem with our weight loss are also overweight as well. Is this the "fat friend phenomenon"?? I don't want to be your "fat friend"! If the only reason you hang out with me is to make yourself feel better about your own body, then please take a hike...to hell.

While I try to have a pretty good understanding of the skinny friend thing that we just talked about, I do however, have a BIG issue with my overweight friends treating me like crap because I'll no longer be the fattest one in the group. What is that all about anyway?

If you think about it, most of our friendships and relationships in general, are made up of people we feel comfortable being around. When the comfort changes, we start to move away from the relationship. I am a hairstylist, so many of my clients are also friends. We even have relationships with store clerks and our doctor or dentist. I have already had clients start to move away. I expected this so it is okay. My feeling is that we should not take it personally when people start to move away. We are growing and changing in a way that for some reason is making them uncomfortable. Maybe if we really look closely, we are also uncomfortable and it is a mutual thing. Some of these changes would have happened anyway, others would have stayed as long as the comfort stays the same. Growing and changing is always a good thing and in my opinion, it is the reason we are here to begin with. Hugs to all!!!:wink:

[~amy~ 1]

If you think about it, most of our friendships and relationships in general, are made up of people we feel comfortable being around. When the comfort changes, we start to move away from the relationship. I am a hairstylist, so many of my clients are also friends. We even have relationships with store clerks and our doctor or dentist. I have already had clients start to move away. I expected this so it is okay. My feeling is that we should not take it personally when people start to move away. We are growing and changing in a way that for some reason is making them uncomfortable. Maybe if we really look closely, we are also uncomfortable and it is a mutual thing. Some of these changes would have happened anyway, others would have stayed as long as the comfort stays the same. Growing and changing is always a good thing and in my opinion, it is the reason we are here to begin with. Hugs to all!!!:wink:

Well said, JoJo....I guess it's another one of those "Reason, Season, Lifetime" things. Now if I could just make myself remember this when I need it most! :eek: lol...

[1unknownperson 0]

I hate how people you have know for a long time treat you after you lose weight...

This happened with my Grandma.... She never really liked me.. In fact when I was born and she saw me for the first time, (And discovered that I was half Chinese... Long story for another time about why no one knew I was going to be chinese) Her first comment was, that ugly baby is no relative to me. I'm not related to no half breeds...

Now fast forward 30 + years... As a child I probably saw my grandma once or twice a year and as an adult maybe one time... My grandma is old and my mother is deceased... I decide to drive out to vegas and visit her... Last time she had seen me, I was probably about 50 or so pounds over weight, well, when we went this time I was again thin (This time thanks to Phen fen), and wearing a size 5... All she could do for two hours was stare at me with tears in her eyes and tell me how beautiful and thin I had become and she was glad I didn't stay a fat pig like I had been (And yes, she was very rude about fat people and always said fat pig when referencing heavy persons) This was her comments after not seeing me for about 10 years.... (Weight was always a BIG deal on my Grandmas side of the family and My Mom was the fat one and "black Sheep" out of 10 kids.... because she had a different dad with different genes)... I was greatly offended for so many reasons... One being that she was mostly ever only civil to me and for her to now fawn over me was very disturbing... Needless to say, I never went to see her again... I couldn't take the superficial "I only like you because your thin attitude...."

So my whole point is, I am still Jennifer at any weight... and if the Fat Jennifer isn't good enough for you then the thin Jennifer doesn't want to be bothered with you.... Don't treat me like I am so wonderful only when I am thin... I am a wonderful person all the time....

[~amy~ 1]

OMG, Jennifer - there just are no words. I can't begin to imagine how that made you feel!! I knew the haters were out there, but I would have never guessed that a person could be so cruel to their own flesh and blood (or anyone for that matter!). I know that you're a stronger person for having survived that, but if it were me, Grannie would be on the floor!!