Fears

[Misty 1]

Does anyone else have this fear of being thin, yet you really want to be normal again? I know why I have the fear. It's because I fear getting too much male attention, yet I hate being fat because I'm unable to be as adventurous as I'd like to be. Any ideas how to get over this fear thing?

I should add. I'm 29, married, and have two children. I just see how women are treated as sex objects and I don't want to be seen as one in my day to day activities. Maybe my thoughts are distorted, but it's an issue I have.

[~c~ 1]

I feel this way as well!!

I have never actually voiced this fear before now and wouldn't admit to anyone in my family (yet).I am scared of being thin for those same reasons and I think this is what hinders my

progress and success.I am not ready to see anyone (professional)about this but there is this HUGE obstacle that I think no amount of dieting and Lap band can 'fix'.

Being this big you become almost invisible and that for me is scary to let go of!

Sorry if this doesn't help you much but just know you are not alone!!!

~C~

[Graceful One 4]

Misty,

I know my ex-fiance has fears of me being thin...yeah...he still thinks he has a chance!

I'm 28 and broke off our engagement last winter...really haven't done a whole lot as far as going out as I'm busy with my family and career, however, I cannot wait to be at a healthy weight again and go out and shake my stuff.

I'm fortunate that even at 250 I was proportionate and although I didn't get the attention from men that I did when I was thin somehow, someone who liked fat chics always seemed to find me...LOL...

I'm scared but I'm also excited! I met a guy this summer "blind date" type thing and he never called me again. Funny how we got along prior to meeting. I would love to see him when I'm at 145 and be like...you missed out jerk!

I keep telling my friends that I'm going to start taking applications when I see a cute guy because pretty soon I'm going to be a babe!

Alot of times our size is our security, our knowing that we will not have to let someone in (because no one is dying to get in)...similar to getting your hair cut short...you can't hide behind it anymore...but let me tell everyone I'm ready to sport a cute halter top and a little skirt this summer looking fine as all hell!

Sorry for being so full of myself but after all of what I've been through (including my ex-fiance telling me the night before surgery I wouldn't have to worry about complications if I wasn't so fat) I deserve to be happy and confident!

[Misty 1]

C - I agree. I know people will say I need therapy, but I honestly don't think therapy would help. The fact that it's really the way most men see and treat woman doesn't help me. Even fat I get hit on. I know when I'm thin it'll only get worse. For those who don't enjoy getting hit on, what do you do? I need tips I guess.

[~c~ 1]

Buy a HUGE diamond ring(fake will do)and tell them your husband will kick their butts!Hee-hee!

[BEBBLY 1]

I guess we all look at things differently. I lost 50 lbs. about 8 years ago and I noticed the increased attention. I also noticed that my self esteem went down with my weight, which was surprising even to me! The less I weighed the longer my skirts and the less I showed off my assests!

Needless to say, I gained the weight back and am losing it again with the help of the band. I think this time it will be different. I have matured and take those advances as a compliment to how attractive I am.

I would much rather get hit on than ignored. I guess we all have our issues.

By the way Jennye, I agree with you. I can not wait until I put on that halter top and mini.

Mary

[donali 57]

This has certainly been one of my issues as well. At about 230 lbs, a really thin guy I worked with really wanted to go "out" - I freaked. He wasn't my type, I wasn't attracted to him - but rather than say that to him in a nice way, I kept pointing out how big I was, and what would people say, etc. He said "Who cares?" Finally the best I could muster was "It just wouldn't work out."

That night I had a dream re-living that uncomfortable situation, and in the dream I was not able to daunt him with any of my good "excuses" about why we shouldn't go out. Finally I screamed, "Good God, man! I weigh almost 250 POUNDS. What MORE do I have to do?!?!?!?!"

Talk about an eye opening moment... lol

After that enlightening dream, I reflected on my past relationships, and could see how I was the agressor in all of them. I would start out overweight, and when my advances were accepted, the weight started falling off naturally. lol Unfortunately that wasn't the case with my current boyfriend of 9 years, but now I have my band buddy.

When I discussed the dream above with my counselor, she made it a point of doing an exercise where I said "No." to someone, without excuses/explanations. We role played, and it was virtually impossible for me to just say "No." I always tried to couch it with some plausible excuse, some reason why the answer was no... I felt if there was not some GOOD reason, I should not say "No." This is something I still need to work on. It is okay to say "No."

It is okay to say "No."

We are not obligated by invitations - "No." is an acceptable response.

Maybe one day that will sound true for me... lol I believe it to be true for others.

[GeezerSue 7]

I have similar issues. But mine may be way weirder, because I'm old. And happily married for over 30 years. And I wasn't MO as a young woman.

You know...when I was young, men used to notice me and I got a LOT of attention. But back then, they only looked at me and drooled and made obscene offers (which I often accepted) and stuff. But they never listened to me. When I got fat, I had to work harder at making my point (because in our culture, if you aren't rich or beautiful, you'd damned well better be smart) and finally they listened.

So now I have no idea what I'll do when I lose weight. (Which may be why I'm at a pause.) Do I flirt? I think flirty old broads are really sad. Expound? I do that already, but people go to sleep. Wax eloquent on trivial issues? Eloquence takes such effort. (I'm also on hold with my life because while I am no longer anywhere near as sick as I was two years ago, I'm also not 100% well. I know how to be 100% disabled and how to be 100% able. I just don't know what to do when I'm "in between." So I'm doing nothing. All day. Every day.)

Just joining in to whine...did anyone bring the cheese?

Sue

[Rab607 4]

I have worn my fat like a suit of armor for years....along with my hair, been hiding behind that too. I am down almost 60 pounds since I was banded and I am starting to get uncomfortable as well. I have security issues that stem from sexual abuse as a child and adolesent teen. I am very large breasted and have been since I was 10 years old. I was a child with a childs mind and spirit in an adult body. I got alot of unwanted attention, and as I grew up I learned to shelter my body with fat. With that said, today I am a very capable woman able to protect myself against unwanted advances, yet my instincts remain at high alert, never quite sure and ready to suit up at a moments notice. I have discussed this at length in therapy over the years. For me I just have to keep reminding myself, that I am in good hands now....I am protecting me the way others did not in the past. I am married to a wonderful understanding man who supports me in any dress size and works very hard at making me feel safe. Its a daily battle, but one worth fighting.

Joann

Dr. Valin 07/18/03

307/248/170

[jadrad7 0]

Maybe you should watch Dr. Phil on tv, he has a weight loss group and a couple of the women are dealing with the same issue. You could keep tabs on the ones you are similar to, and take his free advice. It cant hurt.

[Misty 1]

I do watch Dr. Phil. and have seen a few with similar issues, but I guess I've missed the advice part. I know one girl was date raped and she worried it would happen again. I can't remember what he said to her. Anyone know?