My Husband Is Driving me Nuts!

[Humming Bird 275]

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Edited February 22, 2010 by Humming Bird

[ElfiePoo 109]

I agree with Missy 100%-We hope that our partners are supportive, but to expect them to forgo food because we made bad decisions in the past isn't fair (Unless of course they're dangling temptations in front of us and laughing and evil laugh:blink:). I want support, but to expect others to revolve their food intake around me just doesn't seem fair~

As I said to HB, if that works for you great...but if it doesn't, then not so great.

I not only hope my partner will be supportive, but I *expect* him to. Otherwise, he isn't my partner. Partners support each other...that's what they do...and if they don't, they aren't a partner. They're just someone who happens to share my home...like a roommate.

No, I don't expect him to forgo food, but I do expect him to not bring things into the house that he knows will possibly sabotage me when the simple thing to do would be to eat those things where he bought them.

Again, if your partner had to go on a strict low fat diet because his health was so bad that he was risking early death by not doing so, and he loved KFC, would you bring it into the house knowing that once he smelled it, he'd be craving it until possibly he just 'had' to go out and get some of his own? The same applies to us. If we don't take this weight off, we risk early death. A 'partner' who would blithely bring home food that he/she knows may sabotage you is someone who cares about their own desires more than your *needs*.

My husband and I attended a "Marriage Matters" seminar awhile back and I remember the speaker talking about honoring our spouses. That if we honor our spouse, we can be assured of a lifelong, happy marriage. His simple definition of 'honor' was to put our spouse's *needs* above our own *desires*.

After reading this thread, I realize how blessed I am to have a husband who honors me and one I honor in return.

'nuff said on my part.

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[ElfiePoo 109]

We also shouldn't make it more than what it is either and become "food divas".

So now someone is a food diva because a certain food tempts them to the point of having to have it or obsessing about it until they do?

We all have issues with food...even you or you wouldn't have been overweight and would not have needed to be banded to lose the weight.

This issue is obviously not yours, but let's not be insulting towards those whose issues are different than yours.

As for 'not making more of it than it is'...please...someone...feel free to raise your hand and tell me that being banded had nothing to do with health and everything to do with vanity. I would guess that with rare exception, everyone that has been banded did so for their health. And if you think we are not in the same boat as the person who must go on a low fat diet or risk a heart attack, you obviously have not done your research.

I would no more think of bringing a bucket of KFC into a home where someone must be on a low fat diet for their health, than I would expect them to bring one of my most favorite foods into my home when I'm also struggling to deal with the same health issues.

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Edited February 20, 2010 by ElfiePoo

[Humming Bird 275]

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Edited February 22, 2010 by Humming Bird

[ElfiePoo 109]

I did not "insult" anyone. Just telling it like it is.

Yes, I've noticed that many use the excuse of 'telling it like it is' or 'tough love' when they're being insulting...as if that makes it all better.

Telling me (or anyone who feels like me) I'm a food diva and making more out of it than it is, is insulting.

I'd bet you would be insulted if someone told you that they lost weight without the band and you could too but you're making too much out of it.

We all have issues with food. Your issues are not mine and mine are not somebody elses. If our partners cannot be supportive of us, and we have no expectations of support, it doesn't speak much for that relationship. I'm sad for those people

To the OP...you are not being unreasonable or selfish to expect your husband to eat at Hooter's next time. I would very clearly explain to him what that aroma of those wings do to you and ask him to eat them at Hooters, please. I would guess if he's a supportive, loving partner, he'll do so. He probably had no clue how they affected you. My husband didn't until I told him. He still doesn't quite understand my relationship with food, but then his entire family is normal weight and none of them have a dysfunctional relationship with food.

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[SoccerMomma73 1,867]

Oh come on, she was 10 days post op and just venting...Which she has every right to do. It's not like she was banning wings from her home for all of eternity but at 10 days post op when you're trapped in bandster hell. I can see how having something that smells so delicious would be, err, irritating to say the least. I probably would have just gnawed his arm off if it had been me.

Can't we all just shake hands and go back to our lives?

[Humming Bird 275]

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Edited February 22, 2010 by Humming Bird

[ElfiePoo 109]

I probably would have just gnawed his arm off if it had been me.

ROFL...before or after gnawing on the wings?

At 1 week postop I would've eaten the dining room table if it smelled appetizing.

Now at almost 4 months postop, and restriction, I have to say that nothing much bothers me anymore.

A friend of mine is 6 months postop with restriction but she has a real sweets addiction. Sweets of any kind are not permitted in her home because she'll eat them if they're there. When she goes out, she just keeps telling herself to 'hold on...almost home'. When she's home, she controls her sweets obsession because she lives 30 minutes from the nearest store and having to go out and drive that far is enough to control the obsession.

I can't even imagine having to deal with that because as most of us have found out, sweets tend to be sliders so it's all about willpower. The band doesn't help at all.

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[ElfiePoo 109]

Telling me (or anyone who feels like me) I'm a food diva and making more out of it than it is, is insulting.

I'm sorry if you get so insulted by something so simple

I'd bet you would be insulted if someone told you that they lost weight without the band and you could too but you're making too much out of it.

No, you're wrong. I would not be insulted.

LOL...whatever, HB...whatever.

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Edited February 20, 2010 by ElfiePoo

[june09bandit 0]

I agree, the OP was just venting - she had a moment where she was ticked off to be in the presence of garlic wings. I understand completely. If I had enough willpower pre-band to ignore temptations or stop eating after 1/2 cup, I wouldn't be post-band... I would have dieted and been successful on my own.

I'm not sure why those that are not tempted by tasty treats had to get the band.

I agree 100% with Elfie Poo!

This is a support board - when someone needs support during a weak moment, I think we should consider providing it, even if it's just to tell them we understand how hard this new lifestyle can be - not tell them how foolish their feelings are.

JMO.. and my last comment for this thread. Those that need the last word can now have it.

[illuminationlady 7]

My husband loves chocolate after dinner. Each night he quietly takes his candy elsewhere and eats it. I, myself, am not a choc. lover but if he were to eat M&Ms right in front of me I would want some. He has always been respectful of me and my dieting. I believe this is all a matter of respect. If you respect your partner you support them in every way possible. Let your husband know it bothers you to smell the wings. He should respect that and eat them elsewhere. This does not make us food divas. It just a matter of respecting eachother as human beings.

[SoccerMomma73 1,867]

I actually probably would have gnawed the arm off first so he couldn't reach the wings and I could have them all....

Willpower problems? Who me??

Sometimes you just want to talk...you just need to get it off your chest. We all have a right to our opinions but sometimes I feel like a couple people around here are under the impression that their opinion is always right and that everyone must be exactly like them no matter what.... And if someone doesn't agree with them 100% of the time they are either bad people, stupid, or ignorant.... And it just ain't so. Don't get me wrong, most of the people on this board are bright, caring, and hysterically funny but sometimes I want to just scream "CHILL!" If they were my kid they'd be in the corner right now in time out for being rude.

[ElfiePoo 109]

I actually probably would have gnawed the arm off first so he couldn't reach the wings and I could have them all....

OMG...now that's a visual I'm going to have to live with all day. Everytime I start chuckling, my husband is going to give me odd looks and I'll have to reassure him that 'no, honey, I'm not laughing at you.' LOL.

[Cocoabean 430]

Oh come on, she was 10 days post op and just venting...Which she has every right to do. It's not like she was banning wings from her home for all of eternity but at 10 days post op when you're trapped in bandster hell. I can see how having something that smells so delicious would be, err, irritating to say the least. I probably would have just gnawed his arm off if it had been me.

Can't we all just shake hands and go back to our lives?

10 days post-op. Hadn't had "real food" since probably 2 weeks before, so that is what? 24 days without "real food" and someone brings a trigger food into the house? Trying to heal, starving, and possibly cranky. Yeah, I'd not want my trigger foods in the house, IF it could easily be avoided. If not, then I'd have to find a way to deal with it.

I do realize that our family members must eat. I respect them, but they need to respect me as well. During the immediate post-op phase, perhaps some special care is needed to help us get through.

Yes, I'd want to vent also. I believe this is the place to do it. Along with speaking to the husband about it.

My husband drives a manual transmission. I drive an automatic. If he broke his foot, I would drive his vehicle for a while so he could use mine. I'd not say, oh, too bad for you, I like my car so I will be driving it...you figure out how you are getting around.

Last time I checked, we were a team who helped eachother out.

My two cents.

Feelings are neither good or bad, they just are.

[SoccerMomma73 1,867]

OMG...now that's a visual I'm going to have to live with all day. Everytime I start chuckling, my husband is going to give me odd looks and I'll have to reassure him that 'no, honey, I'm not laughing at you.' LOL.

LOL, my work here is done!:thumbup: