Have I Fallen Off the Face of The Earth?!

[ElfiePoo 109]

If someone kept turning down my invitations, I'd probably quit asking as well. Keep in mind that they may not totally understand the restrictions you're under now and may have made some assumptions based on your refusals.

If you truly do want to go places with them, call them up and invite them to go shopping, etc.

Personally, though, I tend to avoid rude, inconsiderate people...even family members. I have little to do with most of my mom's side of the family for this very reason. Oh, I'm polite to them and I don't avoid family functions, but I don't seek them out to do 'friend' things with either.

They haven't really acknowledged what I've done except to say, "Oh...you have a band? Good luck with that." in sort of an offhand way. My husband's family members, on the other hand, are always asking how I'm doing, congratulating me on my weight loss and/or asking if there's anything special I need when I'm invited to dinner.

Now that I'm coming up on 4 months postop, my band or 'special' needs are hardly mentioned because I've never made a big deal out of it to start with. I just avoid those foods I can't eat and eat those I can.

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[ElfiePoo 109]

I think it's rude to go to a restaurant and either present a laundry list of dietary restrictions for the kitchen to attempt to satisfy, or to refuse to eat or just sip coffee.

I've gone out to 'eat' lunch with friends many times in the past and never ordered anything more than a cup of tea, either because I was dieting or because I'd already eaten but still wanted to get together with them and enjoy their company. Our whole group has gone out and done nothing more than order tea and coffee although we're fairly concientious about not taking up a table if the restaurant is busy. If there are empty tables in the restaurant, then it's no big deal...and we usually tip the waitress quite well for taking up one of her tables in either case.

It's not rude at all to expect the restaurant to deal with dietary needs. The restaurant is there to cater to their customer's wishes. If they don't, they won't be in business long.

My husband says I'm a high maintenance customer. I don't eat whatever they throw before me. If I order medium well steak and it's not right, I send it back. If my food arrives cold, I send it back. If I've requested that they do not salt my food and it's obviously salted, I send it back. I'm paying...I have the right to get my food the way I've requested it.

In a few instances where I had special dietary needs, I called the restaurant ahead of time and asked if this would be a problem. It never has been. As a general rule, they are more than willing to work with you.

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[BetsyB 9]

I'm really sorry you've experienced this!

I think it's to be expected that, if you decline several invitations, fewer will head your way. You need to accept--or extend--a few invitations; I'll bet you'll find, when you do, that things return to status quo once again.

I suppose it's understandable that, in the immediate preop and postop periods, you'd want to limit your exposure to restaurant food.

But I strongly disagree that it's rude to ask for what you want in restaurants! They're there for YOU---and to FEED you. You can very nicely and politely request that foods be prepared a certain way, or simply order foods that fit in with your way of eating (you can find Protein and veggies in ANY restaurant)---and they are MORE than happy to comply. If it makes you uncomfortable, remember that--at the end of the meal--you are paying them for this. Because you won't be demanding, imperious, or unpleasant, no one will bat an eyelash.

I think you can very likely remedy being left out of occasions by extending yourself just a little. You may have to issue the first invitation, and put up with a little of the "Can you eat that?" at first, but it won't take long for your family and friends to see that you are able to self-assuredly order from a menu, eat an appropriate portion of something prepared by someone else, and box up the rest.

The "box up the rest" part is the BEST--one restaurant meal can mean another one, two, or three meals for you!

I promise, it gets easier. Peoples' responses do, too. They will see you as "normal" soon. You just have to give them the opportunity; staying away doesn't allow them to see that, but rather perpetuates the, "She's different" mentality. Only YOU can change it.

[RavenClaw779 2]

Thanks everybody - Finally talked to my s-i-l today...after I got yet another voice message about another family dinner out at a restaurant(Methinks the reason we have some weight issues in the family maybe all the eating out!)...

She wanted to know all about the process and told me how everyone in the family was afraid to invite me to dinner(because I can't eat) and afraid not to (because my feelings might be hurt). Sigh. I explained that at least for the near future, going out to eat or other food centered events is a no go for me(too too tempting after weeks of MediCrap) but that I'd love to go shopping or to the movies.

So family friend whose had the procedure and my s-i-l and I are getting together tomorrow to dish over coffee(black, no creamer...):thumbup:

[Humming Bird 275]

I'm glad you talked to your SIL about it. It sounds like things will get better.

[ElfiePoo 109]

Glad it worked out, Jax. Kudos for being proactive.

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[BetsyB 9]

It's great that you were able to talk, and give some boundaries, while leaving yourself open to other invitations.

[patsal 1]

Good, this is a time when you need support and sometimes others need a direction for giving you what you need!

[RavenClaw779 2]

Update: Family dinner last night at the s-i-l's. Family friend who is four months post-op came and we all dished. Family was able to see that she is able to eat normal foods just not as much. Everyone including my husband seemed relieved to see the reality(she's gone from a size 26/28 to size 14/16) and hear the details of what the immediate post-op will be like - livable. LOL though - I brought my MediFast "Raspberry Tea" for dinner and it was still impossible to get my s-i-l to grasp that No - I can't just have some XYZ with my shake(all shakes until surgery date) and my m-i-l brings out a pie which she sits between me and the family friend and starts cutting and handing out pieces. The FF had to explain that the piece was too big for her and I had to (once again) decline the "can't you just have a little piece with your shake". I guess at 88 she's stuck in her ways - another family friend was at the dinner; he's 3 weeks past a heart attack and two stents and of course watching his diet - she tried to stick him with a piece of pic the size of Long Island!

FF and I are still trying to get the s-i-l past her declarations of "I could never do this because I love to eat..." FF told her -she loves to eat too, and can, but now just a taste will do instead of 2 or 3 platefulls. Slow learners...:frown:

[MrsCabes 2]

Thanks everybody - Finally talked to my s-i-l today...after I got yet another voice message about another family dinner out at a restaurant(Methinks the reason we have some weight issues in the family maybe all the eating out!)...

She wanted to know all about the process and told me how everyone in the family was afraid to invite me to dinner(because I can't eat) and afraid not to (because my feelings might be hurt). Sigh. I explained that at least for the near future, going out to eat or other food centered events is a no go for me(too too tempting after weeks of MediCrap) but that I'd love to go shopping or to the movies.

So family friend whose had the procedure and my s-i-l and I are getting together tomorrow to dish over coffee(black, no creamer...):frown:

I'm glad everything worked out for you - I think that she was trying to be supportive in NOT inviting you...but ignoring you wasn't making you feel too good in the process. :sad:

I was on the medi-fast diet for 3 weeks too and I went out with family still - I just ordered an unsweetened iced tea and "ate" when I got home.

My sister still doesn't support me - but that's okay. I didn't do this for HER, I did it for me.

Don't feel like you have to tell everyone about your surgery either - if you don't want to, that is. This is a personal choice and if you don't want anyone to know, then that's how it is and everyone can take a leap!

[MrsCabes 2]

Update: Family dinner last night at the s-i-l's. Family friend who is four months post-op came and we all dished. Family was able to see that she is able to eat normal foods just not as much. Everyone including my husband seemed relieved to see the reality(she's gone from a size 26/28 to size 14/16) and hear the details of what the immediate post-op will be like - livable. LOL though - I brought my MediFast "Raspberry Tea" for dinner and it was still impossible to get my s-i-l to grasp that No - I can't just have some XYZ with my shake(all shakes until surgery date) and my m-i-l brings out a pie which she sits between me and the family friend and starts cutting and handing out pieces. The FF had to explain that the piece was too big for her and I had to (once again) decline the "can't you just have a little piece with your shake". I guess at 88 she's stuck in her ways - another family friend was at the dinner; he's 3 weeks past a heart attack and two stents and of course watching his diet - she tried to stick him with a piece of pic the size of Long Island!

FF and I are still trying to get the s-i-l past her declarations of "I could never do this because I love to eat..." FF told her -she loves to eat too, and can, but now just a taste will do instead of 2 or 3 platefulls. Slow learners...:frown:

I hear that ALL the time too - BUT eating ALL of the pizza hasn't gotten me far in life. I'm fine with just eating ONE piece of pizza.< /p>

[make33 2]

Hey WillowCat: your response touched me. All I can say is that is why we are here in this forum--to support each other when people don't have a clue what Banding is all about. :tongue_smilie:

You are doing great and regardless of anything, we are all here for each other!! :cool2: