losing friends...

[iJenny 0]

I've been thinking about WLS for a while now. But I only started thinking seriously about it for the last several months. Right after Christmas, my best friend in the world told me that she was considering LapBand. I was thrilled because I was as well and I thought it would be so great to go through this process together. We're as close as sisters and so I didn't think anything of it.

So, cut to a couple months later when I get approved but she doesn't. Basically her BMI isn't high enough to have WLS w/o a couple of co-morbidities (which she doesn't have according to her ins. guidelines).

In an instant, everything changed. We're still best friends and as close as ever EXCEPT that she has totally shut down when it comes to talking about my upcoming surgery. I know that this is hard for her. I know she's angry and sad for herself and jealous that I get the surgery and she doesn't. I really do get all that. But I guess I was just hoping that I'd have my best friend by my side through all of this. I would be right there for her and it hurts that she can't/won't be there for me, ya know?

This isn't something that is going to break up our friendship (at least, not on my end), but its still very hurtful. Should I confront her about it or just let it go?

Anyone dealt with this before? Advice? Maybe a few hugs?

[happymammaof2 0]

Hi! If it were me, I would let it go for a little bit. She is hurt and you know how excited you were when you decided to get it done. If she continues, I would maybe gently bring it up, and tell her you understand, but you were hurt by her reaction. It isn't your fault they denied her. In time, she may be able to try again and get accepted. That happened to a friend of mine. She was denied several times for not having a high enough BMI... and ironically, her weight hasn't changed but her insurance did...and now she has been accepted.

Hope that helps.

[ashli1982 0]

Ya, I would just let it go for awhile. I can't imagine how low she feels right now. If I were in her shoes I wouldn't want to talk about it either. Eventually, she'll get over it. This reminds me of a situation I had with my bestfriend. I had been trying to get pregnant for almost 2 years with no luck. My bestfriend didn't even want kids and she came up pregnant. I was sick with jealousy. I know thats terrible but its just a natural feeling when you want something so bad. I didn't' want to talk about her pregnancy either. I needed time to get over those feelings. So give her time, I'm sure she'll come around. Just put yourself in her shoes and treat her as you would want to be treated if the situation were reversed.

[BetsyB 9]

But I guess I was just hoping that I'd have my best friend by my side through all of this. I would be right there for her and it hurts that she can't/won't be there for me, ya know?

She's disappointed, and the news is fresh to her. I know you say you'd be right there for her, but that might not be as true as you'd love to think.

It's a BIG blow to her---and just as you wish for her to be there for you, you need to remember to be empathetic to her.

You haven't LOST this friend--she is having difficulty with your upcoming surgery.

Be a good friend and allow her her grief. That is "being right there for her." With her, focus on other things.

You would not expect someone who'd just lost her partner to revel in conversations about love and marriage, would you? Or someone who'd just lost a baby to submerge herself in your baby shower?

It's kind of the same thing. She's grieving. And good friendship does NOT require her to submerge herself in something that causes her additional pain.

[Marine mom 3]

in this case it isn't about you. have you been there for her, grieved with her?

[tino 0]

i know exactly how you feel.. my best frinend who is also like my brother is not being very suportive. he did not beileve me when i told him i was getting the lap band. until i texted him a picture from the surgery center in the hospital bed.. he never came to visit me and now makes stupid remarks.. like soon im going to look like Brad Pitt eats junk while we hang out he is over weight and when he sees me eat or when i was on my liquid diet he would tell me what a great meal he had ect.. he is just upset because he couldnt afford it and he tells me i was stupid for payng 10k out of pocket for the surgery. i just let him be.. i know i will have the las LUGH at the end...good luck to you:thumbup:

[thin in 2011 0]

Let me tell you. I am on the end that your friend is and it is VERY hard. My best friend and I went into this together-seminar, appts, etc and she was approved in 3 mths and my insurance requires 6 mths of the diet and exercise program..while I am happy for her, I am so disappointed and feel that she is moving on without me, which is hard. I went into this with her for us to be able to support each other and we still will, just not in the same way at the same time. So, give her a break-hers is the hard part of it all. You have been able to focus on the surgery and she can't. At least I know (hopefully) that I will have the surgery, just later.

[Marine mom 3]

mimi, i hope things work out for you.