Gaining Support

[jaycockerel 0]

Salutations! I've been checking out the site for a week or so and have a question. I've been having problems getting my family and friends to support my decision to have the surgery. Just wanting to know if anyone has any ideas on this subject. Anything anyone could add would be great! I do have a few family members that support me. But, others have the mentality that it's stupid to volunteer for surgery. They think surgery should be somthing that's done only when absolutely necessary. How do I convince them I'm making the right decision? This is something that's really important to me. So, please help.

[Ali2010 1]

I kind of had those same thoughts about myself as I begin this journey and I am guessing my family would say the same...one reason I have not shared this with many yet. But I must say after reading this site for a coulple weeks I relize that this surgery is surely not the easy way out as people with bands have to constantly deal with food choices and the band is only a tool --it is surely not the easy way out.

I guess as your family and friends learn about the lifestyle you will have afterwards that hopefully they relize that this choice was drastic but in the end your life will be much healthier.

Not really an answer to your question and I kind of rambled but I admire you for telling your family as I am to chicken thus far....

[chrisdirects 0]

There are a couple of concepts that might help...1) that you're doing this for your health, not as a vanity issue, and 2) that choosing surgery is not a cop-out, or taking the easy path, but rather is a serious decision. Folks who go on Weight Watchers, etc., always have the option of not following through. This, however, is a lifetime decision for you.

I just told my parents...my Dad is 94, and my mother 85. I waited until all my preop studies were complete, so that I didn't get them spun up for no reason. They had LOTS of questions, but I had done my research, and brought them literature. At the end of it all, Dad said that he admired me for having the courage to go through with the procedure. Hang in there- I'm sure that once your family sees that you are serious and committed to your decision, you'll gain at least some of them as a support system.

Best to you in your journey!

Hugs, Chris

[abandnewday 0]

I too have had issues with this. I initially only wanted my wife to know. But, I decided to share this with a good frined and his wife. My friend has, over the lat 18 months, lost 100+ lbs. He is retired and does not have an emotional connection with food. I on the other hand do. We had a long heart to heart and he told me that he would support any decision I made as I have many serious health issues. That being said over the last week he has gone past his agreement not to share this and has told at least 2 people and he makes small comments that are negative toward my decision for the band. I regret my decision to tell him as he will be quick to point out any failures, but it may also provide me more motivation to work this tool. I am torn on this whole issue. Some people do just not get what it is like to be overweight your whole life and consumed with and by food.

[LeighaMason 19]

jaycockerel-"They think surgery should be something that's done only when absolutely necessary."

I consider my lap band to be absolutely necessary. I have yo-yo'd for 15 years. If I could lose weight and keep it off without the lap band I would have by now. I am getting older and I want to have a wonderful quality of life not be old and not able to get around. Be true to yourself and do what you need to do.

abandnewday- Your friend who lost 100+ pounds has more of a connection with food than you realize. More than likely he is feeling the pinch of starting to gain his weight back so he attacks your lap band because you have a better statistical chance of keeping the weight off long term than he does.

Remember people attack what they don't understand.

[Humming Bird 275]

Salutations! I've been checking out the site for a week or so and have a question. I've been having problems getting my family and friends to support my decision to have the surgery. Just wanting to know if anyone has any ideas on this subject. Anything anyone could add would be great! I do have a few family members that support me. But, others have the mentality that it's stupid to volunteer for surgery. They think surgery should be somthing that's done only when absolutely necessary. How do I convince them I'm making the right decision? This is something that's really important to me. So, please help.

The more informed friends and family are, the more supportive they will be. Explain how the band works.

If you have a BMI that is over 35 the surgery is considered necessary. Explain how important support is to you. They will come around.

[BetsyB 9]

My husband wanted to be supportive, but really couldn't bring himself to get behind the surgery---UNTIL I took him to my surgeon's seminar. That really, really helped put his mind at ease.

My daughter, when home for the holidays the month before my surgery, showed a lot of wariness, as well--so I took her to another seminar, the nutrition and exercise one. There was a fair amount of review from the first seminar, as well as other information that put her mind at ease.

Really, just being in the same hospital and meeting the doctor and nurses made a HUGE difference for them both. Their comfort levels skyrocketed, and they have been very, very supportive since.

(My youngest, 13, never had any issues with it; a good friend's father and grandfather had the same surgery by another doctor in my surgeon's group, so he was very comfortable with it right off the bat. That, and he watches Big Medicine with me---he had a different level of comfort.)

ETA: I have to agree that I feel the surgery was 100% necessary. My insurance company agreed that it was a medical necessity. If others object based on perceived necessity, they simply do not understand the nature (and risks) of obesity. We can try to educate them, but we can't always make others understand; if they have not battled weight, they do not know that it isn't simply a matter of willpower (which turns it into a moral issue rather than a health issue). The surgeons' seminars tend to address this well, with statistics about long-term weight loss that illustrate the very real benefits of surgery.

Edited February 8, 2010 by BetsyB

[Marine mom 3]

i think it takes time, and information. your family understands that surgery is a risk. their concerns are valid. if they were to read all of the information about this surgery, they might see it as a bigger risk! In the end, though, i know that most of the people i have talked with whom i have shared, have been supportive, even if they didn't think it the best option.

[jaycockerel 0]

Some people do just not get what it is like to be overweight your whole life and consumed with and by food.

I absolutely agree with this statement. And that's exactly the way some of my family/friends are. I know this is going to be the biggest obstacle for me to overcome. How does one get rid of a food addiction? It's going to be tough!

[Sooverit! 1]

I think for me it wasn't until I was completely sure myself that I wanted the Lap Band surgery and everyone else knew I was completely serious about it, that the support then came in. I only told a handful of relatives and very few friends. Most people don't understand the LB or my need to be overit! I'm still surprised at how my husband came around and was my biggest supporter. He saw me on line with this site daily for hours for almost two years. It took me that long to research and get the funding etc. After I got the surgery I think I've been on here only a doz times in 2 years!

It's a journey as they say!

Best to you!

marg

[Mel Mel 0]

I wish I could tell you how to gain support but I'm having a difficult time myself. I'm not completely sold on having the procedure myself and I'm sure that makes it easier for hubby to not want me to have it done.

For now I'm going to my preop testing and everything and he will come to my next meeting with the surgeon and have his questions answered. I think education is important. He read through some materials but did not make it to the information seminar so I'm really counting on him to make it to the appt.

[Marine mom 3]

I wish I could tell you how to gain support but I'm having a difficult time myself. I'm not completely sold on having the procedure myself and I'm sure that makes it easier for hubby to not want me to have it done.

For now I'm going to my preop testing and everything and he will come to my next meeting with the surgeon and have his questions answered. I think education is important. He read through some materials but did not make it to the information seminar so I'm really counting on him to make it to the appt.

mel mel, this was how I went about the process. give yourself time and information, and then make the choice best for you. this isn't the answer for everyone, but it is the best thing for a lot of folk.