relationship changes

[ElfiePoo 109]

I got with "b" when i was 17 (i am 25 now)and both of us were overweight and during that the last few years of our realtionship we had some really hard times. Recently in July of 2009 i started to get better really quickly and i decided to make the change and lose weight. NO support from him whatsoever told me i didnt need it when i felt like I did and then he critizes me about my small portions, the way i eat, no drinking with meals .. pretty much anything doing with this surgery. Since my surgery on dec 23rd 09

our realtionship has gone even more downhill.. once i get my settlement money from workers comp i am out of here and getting my own place.

Obviously, with such a small glimpse it's hard to come to any conclusion, but it sounds as if you may both have 'settled' on a relationship because you were both overweight, thought nobody else would want you and didn't want to be alone.

His lack of support comes from the knowledge that if you lose weight, you'll no longer have need of this relationship. Your ready acceptance with no worries about the loss of that relationship says you already recognize you no longer have need of this relationship.

He's not the bad guy here...and neither are you. It's just that your relationship wasn't built on a solid foundation to begin with.

.

[LeighaMason 19]

I agree that relationships will change. My husband has totally flipped out. It started with the "Are you going to get skinny and leave me? question. And now it is like a full blown mid life crisis. He doesn't want to work (we just started a new company), he picks fights just so he can feel better about what he wants to do (he picked a fight last night so he could go stay at his moms house because she lives a few minutes from his favorite fishing lake), he hates that I read and post things here, he checks my phone, he is pissed because I started a Facebook page for our business and put my maiden name on it as well. He is killing me (obviously not literally). He is trying to sabotage my eating, he told me to buy chips and dip at the grocery store because they would be "easy" for me to eat. I am beginning to think he doesn't want to be married to me if I lose weight. He must only like chubby girls. I guess he will have to find him a new one... :thumbup:

[TracyNYC 4]

My friends, also obese, have joked that if I am successful with my loss, I will not be invited to the pool parties anymore. As if I am interested in their husbands....

I also told them and others that I will NOT date someone who knew me before and couldn't be bothered once I am thinner. They think that is awful. I feel it would be like winning LOTTO and then suddenly being asked out. My one friend said "maybe they couldn't see past the fat' My response was, "Exactly. Who wants someone so limited?".....So I told them that if they knew someone with a secret crush on me, they better move fast or it will be too late. LOL

[MsFab1988 275]

my boyfriend supports me 100% along with my fam & friends...But my boyfriend is sooooo jealous! Im 21 & he's 20 we've been 2gether for 8 months. He wants to get married soon like maybe 2 years but I'm just taking things slow. He always thought I was going 2 leave him. N now since I got the lap band, he's insecure cuz if he sees im losing inches, he'll get happy but then throw in "ohh look at u now, things r going good in ur hands...u prob talkin 2 another man, its ok if u did jus tell me" or "u go clubbing every damn day!" when meanwhile I might go clubbing once a MONTH!....b4 I met him I use 2 b a party head..use 2 party every week!...I have a lot of confidence as a big girl! I get alot of guys that try 2 talk 2 me bc even tho my body is big, my face is beautiful and I dress to impress so u cant even see the big problem....so thats why hes insecure to begin with...and me losing weight will jus make his life a living hell bc guys will be checkin me out 24/7 n hes gonna hate it...but dat da same time, hes gonna love it bc he's suchh a big show off...he shows me off 2 the world all da time...so when i lose weight, he's gonna feel like he's the man cuz he got wut everybody else wants...so when ur man gets jealous, just know its bc he loves u n cannot live without u...dont take it the wrong way...jus work it out 2gether

[faz 0]

hi i see u only had to lose 61 lbs. i'm there 2 i've lost 20 since 1/5/10 how r things going 4 u? is it harded because we don't have that much to lose? any thoughts would be appreciated. thanks Toni

[HiMow 0]

I'm kinda happy I got married before I lost all of my weight. Honestly, that was one of the reasons I proposed to him when I did. I didn't want to get cocky or get some crazy urge to date around when I had the best man in the world! I got really lucky and he was really supportive. I think it shows that he is secure. He has said a few times to remember how nice he was to me when I get thin. HAHA:tongue:

[illuminationlady 7]

I agree that relationships will change. My husband has totally flipped out. It started with the "Are you going to get skinny and leave me? question. And now it is like a full blown mid life crisis. He doesn't want to work (we just started a new company), he picks fights just so he can feel better about what he wants to do (he picked a fight last night so he could go stay at his moms house because she lives a few minutes from his favorite fishing lake), he hates that I read and post things here, he checks my phone, he is pissed because I started a Facebook page for our business and put my maiden name on it as well. He is killing me (obviously not literally). He is trying to sabotage my eating, he told me to buy chips and dip at the grocery store because they would be "easy" for me to eat. I am beginning to think he doesn't want to be married to me if I lose weight. He must only like chubby girls. I guess he will have to find him a new one...

I'm so sorry about his crappy attitude. My husband is supportive but makes comments such as the ones above, all in jest, but still makes them. He has always been possessive and it doesn't really bother me. But he'll walk by the computer and say, "who you talkin' to?" However, he doesn't sabotage my eating, which is good. Most of the things he says are joking around by he still says them. From the beginning he has said, "I know you're going to leave me once you are skinny." I chalk it up to his own insecurities. I hope things get better for you! Best wishes!!!

[nichelle71 0]

Just remember that the most important relationship is w/yourself and you can't be much of a friend, sister, wife, etc. if you are sick from obesity. Take care of yourself first and the rest will follow.

Well said! A very valuable lesson to learn. Taking care of ourselves, loving ourselves and being our best all around (but especially through better health) is so important. Learning this is what drew me to decide to take control of this endless weight loss cycle. I think most of us can say we have a similar outlook...

[SoccerMomma73 1,867]

Keep in mind, change isn't always bad...it can be very healthy. I'm only down 30 pounds but can already see some changes taking place...so far all for the better..I do have a few friends who also have weight problems and I'm curious to see how they feel about me in 100 pounds. My place in the group has always been the "biggest" and it's a title I'm gladly giving up...I'm just not sure anyone else is going to be happy taking that spot.