why do i feel like this? =/

[Erin18 143]

Interesting...

I looked up "negative effects of depo shot" on Google

and the first thing I found was someone complaining about

how at the end of her depo (before her next shot)

she would get really depressed and gain weight.

Here's another quote...

"She went on the shot, she was OK while it was still "active", with the exception of gaining of gaining a few pounds. She decided not to get another shot and a few weeks later she was depressed, would barely talk, didn't want to see anybody or talk on the phone like she had before. She complained of hot flashes and heavy perspiration. She cried a lot and couldn't handle any amount of stress. It has taken her nearly a year to get back to her old self again."

There may be something to this.

Some people are like this ON it

and some are like this when they get off of it.

it might be and i know it makes you gain weight.

i kind of knew that it would kind of make you depressed, i just didnt think it would be me, you know?

my last shot before this was early sometime in november, i got my recent one on monday

i barely talked beofre, i felt even more quiet today, nervous, and i always keep a smile on my face even when im hurting the most

i've been on depo for 2 years now, im planning on getting off of it sometime before i graduate hmm

[crzytchr 3]

it might be and i know it makes you gain weight.

i kind of knew that it would kind of make you depressed, i just didnt think it would be me, you know?

my last shot before this was early sometime in november, i got my recent one on monday

i barely talked beofre, i felt even more quiet today, nervous, and i always keep a smile on my face even when im hurting the most

i've been on depo for 2 years now, im planning on getting off of it sometime before i graduate hmm

Here is the link to the United Way in your area. This is the list of agencies they are affiliated with.

AGENCIES

Also, I was on the depo shot for one year only. It took me that long to realize that every time I got a shot, I would lay awake in bed thinking about the craziest stuff imaginable. The last time, I was thinking about divorcing my husband who had done absolutely NOTHING wrong. Once I stopped the shots, my crazy thoughts did too.

[Erin18 143]

thanks,

that actually makes sense, cause i had crazy thoughts before like around the time i started getting it i never thought of it being caused by depo tho. i thought they were thoughts that people get every now and then. i have one more injection and thats the last one i want to get and i dont want to be on BC anymore but my mom wants me to, my choice and thats what i want

my next shot is in may the only thing i like about this form of BC is the no "time of month" thing cause i hated it and i hated it espcially having to deal with it in school, id feel embarrassed for some reason and reallly uncomfortable around people, im ready to get off, i just want that last one and im done, like i said, yeah thanks again (:

[delfinajones 1]

Looks like you got some good feedback last night. I do think a counselor is a good idea-I have been seeing a therapist off and on all my life and it is a way to have an objective ear to discuss your life and get feedback. During real tough times it is a life saver. Losing weight in a way changes who you are and that is something else to be aware of that a counselor can help with. As I read what you wrote last night it seemed to me there might also be a visual connection between your friend losing a baby and the size of a cat. But yes- a counselor or therapist is a great help. I recommend it. You might ask your mom to help you find one.Keep journaling here. And don't fret about regaining a few pounds as it is your body accomodating itself.

[Erin18 143]

thanks

i go through my days like i normaly do, i feel ok its just that these thoughts are clinging on for dear life and making me not want to be around people. i will laugh and feel happy for about 5-10 seconds then the thoughts come for a minute and it repeats all day. im angry at myself for thinking the ways i have been these past 3 days, thats not normal for me. usually, everyday during the week i get mad cause i have to get up so early for school lol, but normally i would think about things like shopping for new clothes, getting prettier clothes but clothes that are my "type", what i want to do when i get home, how i want my house to be like when i get older, how i want my graduation to be like, things to look up on the computer, looking at tattoos/piercings, things like that, it feels like my mind got covered with a black shield so now it kind of feels blank, but not really, i feel like i need to be hypnotized or something heh

[delfinajones 1]

Do you think you will talk to your mom about this? It might help.

[Erin18 143]

yeah i want to, we're going to wal mart later, i will try to talk to her about it then, i just dont want other people to be around, but i dk i feel like shed get angry eventhough i know she wont be, heh so weird

[delfinajones 1]

Well give her a chance-- she may surprise you. If she gets mad I would be very disappointed in her. Keep giving us some updates.

[Erin18 143]

im feeling a little happy/excited right now but still have the thoughts on my mind, but their not as strong but they are there. i try making myself think of other things, better fun things, it works a little but not good enough. im thinking of txting my mom, how should i say it to her?

[delfinajones 1]

Just say you need her to listen to what you are about to say and say it. You have not been feeling well and you want to see a counselor.

[Erin18 143]

kk

and i kind of feel a lil better, i played the new super mairo bros for wii last night and i beat one of the castles on world 6 which made me happy lol

then a little while after that i watched some of my fave nick at nite shows which made me laugh, i love the nanny(i watched this show all the time when i got out of surgery, i got hooked on it and i love it) and george lopez, i dont see why people hate fran, i love that show

after that i went on my favorite site looking at clothing and somethings in which i am going to be buying again next friday the 12th for like a valentine's day gift to my self and one from my mom, im getting a hoodie, 2 plugs(body jewelry) and an eye shadow palette. and im also going to buy hair dye later which are going to be a bright purple, the pruple i have in one of my pix, a hot pink color and a teal or a pretty blue color, i plan on having blue hair after spring break(the last day of spring break [April 18th]purple hair for my senior banquet and graduation, and possibly pink and purple for after or on my graduation party

i dont know but shopping makes me feel better in any situation and i made a shopping list up to June 11th

heres my list(and im sorry for putting it on here i know its nothing important but i kind of makes me feel better heh)

Feb 12.

• eye shadow palette
  
• sparrow plugs
  
• pink with black stars plugs
  
• tripp hoodie
  

March 12.

• Septum piercing
  

April 10th

• deep purple hair dye
  
• purple punch hair dye
  
• popsicle pink hair dye
  
• twisted teal or turquoise time hair dye
  
• bleaching kit
  
• sharpie pack (for year book signing)
  

April 30th

• dress for senior banquet
  
• new dressy shoes
  
• replacement beads for tongue ring(non metal)
  

May 28th

• dress for graduation
  
• a couple pieces of jewelry
  

June 11th

• New bedding
  
• purple flesh tunnels (plugs, body jewelry)
  

but yeah anyways i love shopping, i love how it takes my mind off of things and i love how it makes me happy and excited, i save my money up and use cash.

the thoughts arent as strong which makes me happy, theyre still there, a little faded but still there, im doing a little more than what i have been doing but yup, i gotta tell my mom, i know i know, idk why but i cant let it out and tell her, idk why hmm

[delfinajones 1]

Why don't you write your mom a letter if you can't talk to her about it in person. You'll have one more person on your side.

[Erin18 143]

k, ill try that

[Erin18 143]

ok hey, sorry for bringing this thread back up but i didnt wanna get hell for posting a new thread but i thought about it today and i think i came to the conclusion as to why im having these bad thought. the top reason is the depo birth control shot. the next top one and i think its the main one: STRESS! for one, i think im getting stressed that we're going to be playing volley ball for a month in gym which i always seem to ave bad experiences with it.

for two and the most is that i am seriously worried about failing(eventhough i have good grades). it is second semester now. we get two social and english classes but theyre both half credits because first semester i had government for social and syfy/fantasy for english. now it being second semester i have economics and history of mystery for english and by the end of the year it counts as one credit but the only class im seriously worried about is economics. second semester started not too long ago (im pretty sure it started on february 1st, cant remember) we had two tests so far and the one we had today, i failed by 4 points, i even studied 3 times. what worries me the most is that we NEED this class to graduate. if you fail it, you do not graduate. another thing that scares me to death is that if you miss more than 15 days this semester you also dont graduate. im at 3 days so far and i had to be out those days cause i had a UTI, nausea and in slight pain, i was uncomfortable. and im scared that im going to fail :smile2::w00t::sad: what makes it harder is that my resource teacher (special ed/services teacher) she helps me understand things way better than anybody else and she not going to be back til next year because she had her baby with C-section (im not sure if shes coming back before graduation or not) i need her!

also like i said before, it could be because i got my heart broken 2nd (or 3rd time) time. and it can be because my friend lost her baby. i know its all of that that's doing this to my mind!

but yeah i think im getting these thoughts because im so stressed about school. i hope they go away though. and about depo, im planning on not getting it anymore eventhough i said i was going to get the last dose that i have, but im not, if i dont need it then im not going to keep taking it, ya know? im gonna stay off of birth control for awhile, it would make more sense to be on it if i had a boyfriend, ya know? but yup ugh, the littles that can do things to your mind.