why do i feel like this? =/

[BetsyB 9]

Intrusive thoughts can be a sign of depression--or of something else. I think it's important for you to be evaluated by a professional; nipping obsession in the bud is easier than treating it when it's got a strong grip.

Where are you located? Most areas have sliding scale/low-cost/no-cost mental health care available, but it can be tricky to track it down.

[Erin18 143]

Intrusive thoughts can be a sign of depression--or of something else. I think it's important for you to be evaluated by a professional; nipping obsession in the bud is easier than treating it when it's got a strong grip.

Where are you located? Most areas have sliding scale/low-cost/no-cost mental health care available, but it can be tricky to track it down.

upstate new york

[Erin18 143]

Erin,

You might try calling one of those suicide hotlines. I know you said you aren't suicidal, but I used to volunteer on one and we'd get calls from people who were just down in the dumps and lonely.

We had a list of free clinics where you could go and talk with someone, although many times, just having a compassionate ear on the other end of a phone was all some people needed. You might find your local help hotline has the same.

Blogging and journaling help some people. Others need a real live person and voice.

.

thanks, it really helped when i talked to my best friend last night and today was a pretty good day cause i went shopping which i havent done since the end august, it helped too

[illuminationlady 7]

Your in my prayers! Feel better soon!

[Erin18 143]

thank you! (:

[Mimilou2004 13]

Erin, I am glad you are feeling better. I was worried about you and your kitty cat. I am glad you poured your emotions out here and were not rejected by the forumthread readers/posters!!!

Mimi

[delfinajones 1]

Glad you are feeling better but we are here if you start getting bummed out again.

[Erin18 143]

thanks guys, that makes me feel better knowing i do have people out there, so i appreciate it mucho

[Erin18 143]

soo when i went shopping today, it made me feel better....untill a little while after i got home, came in my room to try things on(which were tight as hell and i know ive gained weight like 5-6 pounds since november), watched a little tv, started getting a little tired, my kitty was curled up next to me, i sort of fell asleep next to him, hugging him like, it was more probably resting my eyes type thing, i was told it was dinner time and and a little while after that i started to get some what thoughts like i have been(like i told you last night), this is soo annyoing and soo stressful, i HATE this! this is the worst month ever, and i kind think it was even worse than my 2 and a half months of nausea after surgery..WHAT?! this isnt fair, i feel like i am being punished or something...i wanna tell you, that my head feels really heavy if you know what i mean, like too full of too many thoughts and of things that are going on around me. do you think that knowing there is around 16 people pregnant at my school? and knowing that my friend was pregnant (not out of the 16) and lost her baby at 6 weeks could be another reason? but they werent really sure it was dead till wednesday tho. i wish i can unravel my head better and walk my way back to tuesday night and try to remember what i was really thinking that night, all i remember was a picture in my head of a disgustingly disturbing bloody picture of my cat laying next to me like he was shot? but it didnt look like me, and why would that thought still be in my head? but then as days went by it were thoughts that i was hurting him :'( which isNOT what i do to animals, i am NOT and animal abuser, i etremely LOVE animals and everbody i know, knows that!!! the thoughts are etremely bad like scissors, twisting the neck, hot Water, stuff like that....ugh makes me so sad, makes me cry everytime i think about it and when it pops in my head again. ughh i'm not that kind of person, nor will i be, i cant see why it is happening to me, i am not known to be like this, i hope you guys dont think i am an abuser cause i am not! don't accuse me please, i am sure that when people are upset or something, they get bad thoughts too...right? but i dunno if it would be about their loved pet :'( this isnt fair!! its ruining me. i hope these thoughts will go away and never come back!!! i did have another thought about him way back in dec or begining of jan it wasnt a bad one either but not really good either, it was like he had a face of john travolta lol but not even going there that thought stayed with me for a couple days and went away slowly, so will this? and im not sure if i was thinking of finding love like " i am never going to find love, i am a loner, nobody likes me or even would like to give me a chance" and it could even be about that i am stressed that i will gain all my weight back and feeling digusting in clothes, i always wear my hair down, making sure its not tucked behind me ears, i feel so disgusting.....sooo do you think if i keep my cat out of my room at night, the thoughts would go away and maybe better happier thoughts will start coming back because he hasnt been in my room at nights for awhile? it will be hard but if it helps i will do it, i love him so much, i love all his brothers (born on my bookshelf, june 27th 2007 took in a stray and had 5 babies and we took in another stray, nobody bothered to even look for her, we put her on lost and found, owell their loss R.I.P Grimlin[one of the brothers and Sam[hope youre still alive bud another brother]) they were the best things that happened to me after my grandpa died, i got to be with the kitties since they were born and it was awesome, and my two nieces are another best thing. so yeah, tell me what you think (:

p.s if you guys dont mind, can i keep writing in here since it helps and you guys write back more?

Edited February 6, 2010 by Erin18

[illuminationlady 7]

I think you should talk to someone face to face. I agree with a previous poster about looking into some therapy that's on a sliding scale according to what you can pay. I go to therapy once a week and it reallllllllllllly helps to have a "sounding board". Please think about it. You sound so sad and confused. I will continue my prayers for you. Best wishes always!!!!

[voodoo 0]

i wanna tell you, that my head feels really heavy if you know what i mean, like too full of too many thoughts and of things that are going on around me.

Could you have PMS?

Have you ever suffered from PMDD (a hardcore version of PMS)?

It almost sounds like a chemical imbalance now.

Either hormonal or a serotonin issue, something.

[Erin18 143]

i will search for places online, what exactly do i search for? oh and i feel it believe me (sad/confused)

[Erin18 143]

Could you have PMS?

Have you ever suffered from PMDD (a hardcore version of PMS)?

It almost sounds like a chemical imbalance now.

Either hormonal or a serotonin issue, something.

no, i dont think so

i just got my birthcontroll shot(depo) on monday though and i had some pains here and there around the inside hip areas

[illuminationlady 7]

i will search for places online, what exactly do i search for? oh and i feel it believe me (sad/confused)

Look for a crisis/suicide hotline in your area. Type that into Google. I know you said your not suicidial but they are there for all kinds of problems and can refer you to somebody.

[voodoo 0]

no, i dont think so

i just got my birthcontroll shot(depo) on monday though and i had some pains here and there around the inside hip areas

Interesting...

I looked up "negative effects of depo shot" on Google

and the first thing I found was someone complaining about

how at the end of her depo (before her next shot)

she would get really depressed and gain weight.

Here's another quote...

"She went on the shot, she was OK while it was still "active", with the exception of gaining of gaining a few pounds. She decided not to get another shot and a few weeks later she was depressed, would barely talk, didn't want to see anybody or talk on the phone like she had before. She complained of hot flashes and heavy perspiration. She cried a lot and couldn't handle any amount of stress. It has taken her nearly a year to get back to her old self again."

There may be something to this.

Some people are like this ON it

and some are like this when they get off of it.