Regret Telling Friends ...

[Floridacocoon 0]

Jax - you GO GIRL. My daughter has verbally attacked me about my decision. I will meet with a therapist before, during and after to receive tools in dealing with these issues.

I do NOT intend to share this decision with friends. Felt I should tell family.

Fortunately, my husband is very supportive. This is the tool I feel I need.

Usually, when people react WAY out of proportion to what seems reasonable, I've noticed there is something hitting a nerve with THEM and it's not about YOU.

[Marine mom 3]

Usually, when people react WAY out of proportion to what seems reasonable, I've noticed there is something hitting a nerve with THEM and it's not about YOU.

And it works the other way too. A family member or friend expresses concern and it is taken as an attack.

The OP's friends only wanted to help, and keep someone from a life risking surgery. Damn them. The OP then said HORRID things about one of them and their children!!!! Some friend.

This surgery has a HUGE failure rate. People should be concerned. When they express it, it is taken as an attack by people looking to be offended.

[can't wait to feel GREAT! 0]

I have gained a pound and a half this month. I am still going to my six months pre-visits. Will this affect my insurance ?

[cnrasula 0]

I feel so dumb. I really thought I should just be open and honest. I started out this process thinking, it's really just for me ... then I kept thinking, you know, I'm an adult. I make my own decisions. If I can make these decisions I should be adult enough to stand by them. So ... now that I am around 1 month in, I told two of my friends my intentions while we had coffee the other day. FYI one of them is thin and I think she has a form of anorexia (gluten free, lacto-free, vegetarian) ... she keeps her kids on the same diet and they look like ghosts. The other one just believes she carries around an extra 20lbs but really probably does not. She looks fine to me.

Anyway, after I told them, they got together and apparently are trying to have some kind of intervention with me, like they are going to be my new trainers and train me how to eat well and conquer this thing without letting surgeons cut me open.

AHHHHHHHGGG !!!

I then told them, 'you know, I am thinking of just doing this on my own with the dietician' to throw them off the track, and they are still like 'let's be DIET BUDDIES' ....

OMG, I could just smack myself that I ever said a thing. :thumbup::bored:

I have an issue similar to that. My best friend and my mother are real nags. I told them that I was interested in getting a Lapband and without knowing anything about the procedure or the outcomes they launched into a campaign to stop me from doing the surgery. I explained that I did not want to have the knee surgery or continue taking meds for diabetes type 2 and that this would be a permanent weight loss. Since then I have been quiet about my appointments to qualify for the surgery. I am now waiting for my preop appointment and the only one that knows is my dear sweet sister who was in my corner from the beginning. I have learned not to let anyone know until after my surgery and even then I may keep it to myself.:rolleyes2:

[bigbirney 3]

bigbirney,

did you take the plunge? did you get a band? I'm curious. I understand your post and feeling about the word diet. I am pre-op right now, and for the most part very much looking forward to doing this. But my feelings are complicated. For instance, a woman in front of me in a coffee shop the other day was about my age, thin and fit, wearing a baseball hat and jogging shorts and tank top, radiating jitters that I interpreted as "I can't wait to get to my workout!" and I disliked her intensely on sight.

I honestly don't know why.

Yes I did, Psych and nutrition last week, Heart stress test last Friday. I am all done with pre-op tests and waiting for surgery date. The journey has been stressful, but I have gained so much insight on myself, I am ready to do this.:rolleyes2:

[newmee2010 0]

kick em to the curb and get some new friends...arg what a bunch of losers.

[Marine mom 3]

kick em to the curb and get some new friends...arg what a bunch of losers.

Are you nuts? THEY ONLY WANTED TO HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARe your friendships so shallow that a misunderstanding is worth getting rid of them?????????????

YOU have never said or done anything that was unintentionally rude or upsetting? YOu are that perfect of a person?

[sdh5463 0]

Keeping my decision to myself and your experience with your friends, reinforces that choice. Thank you for sharing and best of luck in healing the friendship.

It's my experience that those who have not fought weight issues, can't possibly understand.

I told my husband and 3 close friends up until the surgery was scheduled then I told my boss and 1 co-worker. then the day of surgery I HAD to tell my brother because my dad was in the same hospital having Angioplasty! (What were the chances of THAT happening!) I will tell no one else just because it is none of thier business. I did this for me. It is a tool for me to do something that I have not been able to do all of my adult life! Be Healthy! Your storys here just reinforce my decision. :rolleyes2:

[Laura Lane 0]

well the good thing is that you are sure of what you want to do. plus i think it would be a good idea to not take those comments personal....goodluck

[Floridacocoon 0]

I guess you're right, Missy. I'm not familiar with a huge failure rate, if I am defining failure the way you are. The doctor I am seeing has only removed two out of 600. But does failure in your eyes mean lack of success with the tool?

[Marine mom 3]

Thanks.You don't pick on someones kids, in my book. And you have to remember that most of the people in our lives care about us. And are no more perfect than I/we are

Edited February 11, 2010 by MissyMS

[abandnewday 0]

I have been having issues with the one friend I did tell. I felt very negative responses to my decision. Last night was the last straw and I sent my frined a looonng email explaining my position, how I was affected by him and how I am doing this for me and me only. I went by his house today to discuss everything and after everything was out on the table we worked through our issues and now we understand each other. Normally i would never have been so confrontational and let it all slide by and bottle up my emotions only to attack the refridgerator later on. As emotional eating is my downfall I am dealing with my emotions instead of eating them. I think we all need to examine this and if we find people that are reacting negative take them head on lay it all out and let the chips fall where they may. The true friends will come around all the rest OH WELL...My health, well being and sense of self are for once the priority.

[Floridacocoon 0]

Yes I did, Psych and nutrition last week, Heart stress test last Friday. I am all done with pre-op tests and waiting for surgery date. The journey has been stressful, but I have gained so much insight on myself, I am ready to do this.:rolleyes2:

good for you! good luck and if you are so inclined, let me/us know how you are doing.

[Floridacocoon 0]

I have been having issues with the one friend I did tell. I felt very negative responses to my decision. Last night was the last straw and I sent my frined a looonng email explaining my position, how I was affected by him and how I am doing this for me and me only. I went by his house today to discuss everything and after everything was out on the table we worked through our issues and now we understand each other. Normally i would never have been so confrontational and let it all slide by and bottle up my emotions only to attack the refridgerator later on. As emotional eating is my downfall I am dealing with my emotions instead of eating them. I think we all need to examine this and if we find people that are reacting negative take them head on lay it all out and let the chips fall where they may. The true friends will come around all the rest OH WELL...My health, well being and sense of self are for once the priority.

Wow, you have said a mouthful, pun intended. Regarding being confrontational and not swallowing your feelings: I am struggling to get a handle on this before I get a surgery date. I KNOW I have been eating emotionally and I'm trying to figure out how to change patterns with people, telling them what I need and how our interactions need to change WITHOUT saying or implying "YOU are making me EAT." But the truth is, I do need to change some things about my relationships. I have let my kids be rude to me and swallowed it. I have let my spouse equivalent be inconsiderate and swallowed it. I realize the only thing I can really change is my reaction to these things, but it sure seems like I ought to be able to tell them what I need and how they can help, no? I've always believed that you train people how to treat you, and some retraining is now needed.

Edited February 11, 2010 by Floridacocoon

[abandnewday 0]

Wow, you have said a mouthful, pun intended. Regarding being confrontational and not swallowing your feelings: I am struggling to get a handle on this before I get a surgery date. I KNOW I have been eating emotionally and I'm trying to figure out how to change patterns with people, telling them what I need and how our interactions need to change WITHOUT saying or implying "YOU are making me EAT." But the truth is, I do need to change some things about my relationships. I have let my kids be rude to me and swallowed it. I have let my spouse equivalent be inconsiderate and swallowed it. I realize the only thing I can really change is my reaction to these things, but it sure seems like I ought to be able to tell them what I need and how they can help, no? I've always believed that you train people how to treat you, and some retraining is now needed.

I have been fat my entire life. To compensate for my feelings of being inadequate I have continued to try and please everyone and have turned to food as my one true source of happiness. That seems to be a common theme on these boards and it is a struggle to try and get a handle on and control. As the band is only a tool I know that I need to make a change mentally as well as a change physically. It is hard to stand up for your self but you are worth it!!! Good luck to you and everyone else!!!!