Regret Telling Friends ...

[KimDB 0]

I feel so dumb. I really thought I should just be open and honest. I started out this process thinking, it's really just for me ... then I kept thinking, you know, I'm an adult. I make my own decisions. If I can make these decisions I should be adult enough to stand by them. So ... now that I am around 1 month in, I told two of my friends my intentions while we had coffee the other day. FYI one of them is thin and I think she has a form of anorexia (gluten free, lacto-free, vegetarian) ... she keeps her kids on the same diet and they look like ghosts. The other one just believes she carries around an extra 20lbs but really probably does not. She looks fine to me.

Anyway, after I told them, they got together and apparently are trying to have some kind of intervention with me, like they are going to be my new trainers and train me how to eat well and conquer this thing without letting surgeons cut me open.

AHHHHHHHGGG !!!

I then told them, 'you know, I am thinking of just doing this on my own with the dietician' to throw them off the track, and they are still like 'let's be DIET BUDDIES' ....

OMG, I could just smack myself that I ever said a thing. :thumbup::thumbup:

[btrieger 21]

Just tell them that if they persist you want nothing to do with them or else ignore them until they ask you why.

[outside*looking*in 0]

Wow, that really sucks. Why have they not offered this help to you before this? I would just continue to be honest and let them know that you have made your mind up on this (if you have) and the best way they can support you is by educating themselves about the preceedure and congatulate you on your decision. Best of Luck.

[greytz 4]

Now that you have told them you obviously can't take it back and I am sure since they are your friends you are not going to get rid of them. And, I am also sure they think they are trying to help you in some way. If you feel like they are worth saving and you think they have the capacity to understand, it might be time to educate them a little more and help them to understand why you are doing this and a little more about the process. Then, if they don't understand it might be time to ditch them. I think there are a lot of us including me that lost some friends over our life changing journey. I can honestly say, I don't miss them anymore.

[Jadeite 0]

Hey Look, Everybody has got an opinion... We all see things through our own filters, and project our beliefs onto others. With that said... I too was very nervous to tell my friends, as each one of them has a strong level of "consciousness" and are for the most part natural/organic/spiritual people. The reaction after I mentioned it was mostly positive some mixed.. But they all listen to my reasoning and rational. Some said i wasn't big enough to have this operation and I should focus and do it on my own. After much consideration I decided to go for it.. You know what they all eventually said to me that they supported my decision because they wanted for me to be my happiest.

Knowing that this procedure is only a tool and a way to serve as an inner guide. Working out and monitoring food choices and a peaceful mindset make you truly the sucsess and not the just the band

The big thing about this decision is making your boundaries clear for yourself first, then others.. ie your friends.. Pick and choose how much of there support is healthy for you... ie. yoga/walks/gym.. and when to simply disengage them by not participating in their drama.

Gosh I'm ranting.. but just want you to know i understand the frustration. Not everyone needs to know.. pick the people who's grounded opinions you really care about..

I hope some of this helped..

Jade

[ladykcusa 1]

Keeping my decision to myself and your experience with your friends, reinforces that choice. Thank you for sharing and best of luck in healing the friendship.

It's my experience that those who have not fought weight issues, can't possibly understand.

[honk 780]

If they continue to try and discredit your decision I would ask them "If I needed a pace maker would you tell me not to have the surgery?" Or "If I need Chemo would you tell me to use a natural cure?" They probably would not. Also if you really feel the children are being malnurished you need to take action. A few years ago in MA a child died of starvation because the mother (member of a cult) insisted the child only Br##stfeed.

[sbs 0]

I can definitely relate to this. I chose to only tell a very few close people about the surgery, and even then I had to deal with a lot of negativity. As it happens, all of my family members and close friends are thin and have never had a weight problem. There is no possible way they can understand... It was frustrating but I laid down my boundaries and told them I would appreciate their support but I wasn't interested in their opinion. ( I said it in a nice way) Ultimately they have all come around and have been very supportive.

As for everyone else, my healthcare decisions are none of their business!

[parisluver 1]

I'm not telling anyone. Just trying to figure out how to get to hospital and back without asking for a ride. This is the hard part.

[bobby_hamrick 0]

Not that big a deal to me but if I had my drathers i wouldnt have said anything, myself.

[nebraskahickchi 2]

I feel so dumb. I really thought I should just be open and honest. I started out this process thinking, it's really just for me ... then I kept thinking, you know, I'm an adult. I make my own decisions. If I can make these decisions I should be adult enough to stand by them. So ... now that I am around 1 month in, I told two of my friends my intentions while we had coffee the other day. FYI one of them is thin and I think she has a form of anorexia (gluten free, lacto-free, vegetarian) ... she keeps her kids on the same diet and they look like ghosts. The other one just believes she carries around an extra 20lbs but really probably does not. She looks fine to me.

Anyway, after I told them, they got together and apparently are trying to have some kind of intervention with me, like they are going to be my new trainers and train me how to eat well and conquer this thing without letting surgeons cut me open.

AHHHHHHHGGG !!!

I then told them, 'you know, I am thinking of just doing this on my own with the dietician' to throw them off the track, and they are still like 'let's be DIET BUDDIES' ....

OMG, I could just smack myself that I ever said a thing. :bored:

Wow... all my friends were excited for me. OR... maybe they aren't REALLY my friends? :confused: Nah... lol

There were just a couple that said things like: Do you really think that works?

My whole family and nearly all my friends were very, very supportive. And my mother still 'brags' to people... "She had that surgery, you know..." Proceeds to tell them how much I've lost. I'm not offended. I think she's proud that I went through with it. I was really really scared.

I wouldn't worry about it with your friends. That's why they have "Support Groups"... for people making the same decisions. I'm here for ya. :wub:

[new_journey4me 1]

Hello...I too had mixed emotions, especially from my parents. Which really shocked me because they've always been on me about my weight ALL my life. So when I finally found something that will help me, they freaked! But after months of this process and me sharing information with them and teaching them about it - along with my friends - they are all very supportive. I think it scares people at first...because its something new and they don't know anything about it. All in all I have a great support system, especailly from my boyfriend and my close friends. They understand where I'm coming from. Which is a nice feeling. Honesly those who are negative towards me - I can care less about, BITE ME!! I'm doing this for my health and so I can have kids. Not just to be skinny! Good luck to all.

[BetsyB 9]

"Thanks for your concern, but this is a decision I'm making with my doctor. With all due respect, he's far more familiar with my medical history and difficulties with losing weight, obstacles to weight loss, and difficulty maintaining loss. He has an experienced staff qualified to give me nutrition and exercise advice. At this point in my life, I am NOT open to alternative solutions; I've been spending my entire life trying 'solutions' that haven't worked for me--and I have no reason to believe the 'solution' you propose will be more beneficial than any other I've tried. AND I HAVE TRIED. I have devoted most of my adult life to attempts to solve this problem! Your pressure sends me a mixed message: first, that you care about me, but second, that you don't trust my judgment. While I'm glad you love me, the support you offer REALLY needs to be on MY terms this time. I am proceeding with this surgery because it is what is BEST for me."

[walters208 0]

Girlfriend dont you let nobody talk you out of this or make you think again about this I feel my band gave me a 2nd chance im 39 and 45 pounds lighter and I feeeeeel Gorgeous and you will too and as soon as I get to my weight goal Im going to be a rock star just tell them look I love you your my best friends and if you cant give me words of encouragement then I dont want to hear it.

Girl you go get your lap-band its the best thing you could do.

[KimDB 0]

Thank you guys. This helps. It also helped me to consider that whatever *help* they are offering, it will be helpful with the band, too! They don't know when I will have the surgery and they don't have to know. Fortunately they are not really as meddlesome as I made them out to be ... I think they do just want to help. But, very instructional experience on how not to make the same mistake again. I want to go through this experience totally on my own initiative, not based on anyone else's opinions of what I do or do not need.

Thanks again.