Feeling like a $15,000 failure!

[wisconsin jen 0]

OK - You have got to snap out of the poor me funk you are in. I was self pay, banded on 12/30 & I have lost about 12 lbs since surgery. We are in the same boat. 12 lbs is great in a month. Think back to preband - Did you ever lose 12lbs in a month? Probably not..... This is a lifetime journey. *Remember slow & steady wins the race. Don't beat yourself. Keep exercising & try to make wiser food choices. This isn't a ""diet". This is the rest of your life. You really sound like you are on the right track. BE PROUD OF YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS!!!

I agree with KTIMS....

I lost four pounds since I was banded on Tuesday and I am thinking... I HAVE NEVER LOST FOUR POUNDS IN THREE DAYS.... without being hungry...

Look at the positives...

you lost 12 pounds.. ... in 36 days... that is one pound every three days.....that is AWESOME......

Every metabolism is different...the negative thoughts will make you predetermine your destiny...

Don't let someone else define your success.....we all would love to lose a 100 pounds this month....:bored: it won't happen....many bandsters would look at that 12 pounds and be.. "I will take that".....

You are losing... which is wonderful.... now... what are you doing to help yourself...help yourself....

shake it up... use those stairs....go up and down the stairs ten times today....then 15... then 20.....think of ways to shake it up...

I bought the Shape Up shoes... LOVE THEM....why... because they are another tool to help me on my journey... they will not walk themselves... I have to move them...

Hang in there...fake it til you make it with a positive attitude... you would be surprised how much of a difference that will make... condition the mind, the body will follow.....

Jen

[janaey 0]

Wow, I was just feeling the same way today. I had surgery on Jan. 8,10 and I did lose 18lbs all together (since 12-26-09 until now) but I don't see it at all and I even feel bigger some days. But after reading some of your post I think I might feel better. I know it will take some time and I can not compare to others. Sometimes I don't feel full but I still only eat a cup full of food. I drink a Protein Drink in the morning, two hours later I have a snack (which is either 100 or 60 cal.), two hours after that I eat my lunch, two hours after that I have another snack then two hours later I have dinner and two hours after that is my last snack. I try to work out three times a week. But with a full time job, a two year old, a husband, shool and studying it can get hard sometimes to workout like i want to. I will work hard just like many of you have done and I will lose the weight just as we all will do.

[wisconsin jen 0]

Wow, I was just feeling the same way today. I had surgery on Jan. 8,10 and I did lose 18lbs all together (since 12-26-09 until now) but I don't see it at all and I even feel bigger some days. But after reading some of your post I think I might feel better. I know it will take some time and I can not compare to others. Sometimes I don't feel full but I still only eat a cup full of food. I drink a Protein drink in the morning, two hours later I have a snack (which is either 100 or 60 cal.), two hours after that I eat my lunch, two hours after that I have another snack then two hours later I have dinner and two hours after that is my last snack. I try to work out three times a week. But with a full time job, a two year old, a husband, shool and studying it can get hard sometimes to workout like i want to. I will work hard just like many of you have done and I will lose the weight just as we all will do.

Janaey

I think I am one of the strongest women on earth.. retired military... single mom.... edumacated....but I HAVE to come on here to get support... because this is a lifelong change...

I need to see other people successes... it really does keep me going...

I am on every day now... until I feel like I can handle it on my own.. I find that the photos section keeps me motivated....

I look at common problems folks are having...

How to recommit every day.....

We are learning a new life...

Hang in there...

Jennifer

[HiMow 0]

I have only lost 12 lbs this month too. But i think it is exactly right and we don't even HAVE restriction yet. I did lose 40 in December. If you lose too fast you will be all saggy!!! It is way better to lose slower. Why are you in such a hurry?:biggrin:

[ElfiePoo 109]

We got the band because we couldn't do it on our own...and until the band gives us that restriction, we're still doing it on our own.

Stop comparing yourself to others. While some people are motivated just by having the surgery, that's not common. Most of us don't start losing until we actually get some restriction.

You'll get there...and in the meantime, stop looking at yourself as a failure. You're not.

[Tina Schweitzer 0]

Elphiepoo,

I couldn't have said it better, while I'm also sometimes discouraged but only because I want to get to the point that some more restriction is there and until than we have to be patience and continue to do the best we can. GOOD LUCK EVERYONE!!!

[TN_girl21 1]

I have felt like you before. I had surgery Dec 30, 2009. I started out at 246, and I am teetering between 228 and 229. I just got my first fill. She put in 3 cc's and my band holds 10 cc's. 14-15 pounds in a month to me is great! I know that I would have never lost that weight before. But I don't have restriction, so I know I am eating more than half a cup. I'm trying very hard not to, but I end up not satisfied. I get my next fill Feb 24, so I hope they will give me another 3 cc's. I'm so ready for restriction! We will get there, and we will do this!!! And if it makes you feel any better about being a "self pay failure", I am a self pay also, but my mom paid for it. So if I fail, I wasted my mother's money and have to answer to her. lol But WE AREN'T GOING TO FAIL!!! I keep telling myself that.

And I'm having a hard time finding time to exercise too from between being at school all day long on Tuesday and Thursday and running my own business on the days I'm not in school and being a wife. But I will figure it out. We can do this! We can do this! We will succeed!!!!! Just think....when you get restriction, and if you lose 2 lbs a week, that's 104 pounds in a year!!! That's great! I don't have quite 100 pounds to lose (96 to be exact), so I am hoping to be at my goal by Christmas! I may not be, but I'm going to try!

Good luck!! You can do this!! You will get restriction. It may take 2 or 3 fills, but it will happen. Please be patient. I know it's hard to, but the time will come where you have restriction and the weight is coming off.

[lml32937 65]

I think that the fact that you paid for your surgery and made the commitment should make you happy... We all have different metabolisms that process things differently. You need to remember the band is a tool to help you make appropriate lifestyle changes- I am almost 1 year banded and have just finally reached a good restriction point. I am thank ful my doctor is conservative and really teaches us to follow his program of healthy eating and exercise sort of forgetting about the band.

Don't give up and don't be so hard on yourslef- remember there is this place called bandster hell and it isnt fun... it generally lasts till you find restriction and that is part of the process....

[illuminationlady 7]

I think that the fact that you paid for your surgery and made the commitment should make you happy... We all have different metabolisms that process things differently. You need to remember the band is a tool to help you make appropriate lifestyle changes- I am almost 1 year banded and have just finally reached a good restriction point. I am thank ful my doctor is conservative and really teaches us to follow his program of healthy eating and exercise sort of forgetting about the band.

Don't give up and don't be so hard on yourslef- remember there is this place called bandster hell and it isnt fun... it generally lasts till you find restriction and that is part of the process....

I have heard from people who are/were in your situation too. My support group leader also did not lose until the second year due to lack of restriction. Restriction is an important process and, I agree, should be taken slowly...at least for me. I do feel the pain of the OP. Perhaps that is why I have taken such an interest in this thread...it pertains to me also. Thanks to the poster for your story.

[DizzyLizzy 21]

I have heard from people who are/were in your situation too. My support group leader also did not lose until the second year due to lack of restriction. Restriction is an important process and, I agree, should be taken slowly...at least for me. I do feel the pain of the OP. Perhaps that is why I have taken such an interest in this thread...it pertains to me also. Thanks to the poster for your story.

I guess another thing that is making this hard for me is I personally know a few people who have had lap-band and are at goal, I just just want to be there so bad! And on top of that I have been seriously working hard on losing weight for so long....3 1/2 years now on top of struggling with it all my life! And I got stuck last year when I was losing on my own and was stuck losing and gaining the same 5 lbs for months until I gave up and gained 30 back. And now I'm there again it seems and I'm just afraid that if it takes too long for me to get good restriction that I will give up again and stretch my pouch or make my band slip and then I'll be back at square one and stuck paying off this loan for the next 5 or 6 years. On top of that, the people who know I've had surgery disappointment on top of my own disappointment because it's like if this doesn't work, nothing will! It's just sooo frustrating, it makes me cry at times becuase I have been overweight since pre school and I'm just tired of being the fat pretty girl, cropping photos to only show my face, never wanting to be in the company or family photos because you know they are going to include your full body in the shot. They took pictures at a work gathering before I had surgery and got me unsuspecting and hung them up in the office. I took all the ones of me down and threw them in the trash.

I know I'm getting real deep, and sorry to be negative right now, but it's just so much to deal with and all the fears I had pre surgery are coming back. So, I was "faking it until I make it", but sometimes reality rears it's ugly head. And I'm just hoping and praying this finally works for me because there are so many things I want to do in life that my weight has prevented me from doing, I mean super simple things.

I know I gotta be strong and have patience, and I'm really really trying. Thank you all again for your support. I don't know any of you, but you all mean so much. I know I am not alone in my fears and frustration, but wow, this is hard. I swear if anyone ever comes to me and says I took the easy way by getting lapband, it will take everything in me to not stick my foot up their tush!

I guess it's like life in general...nobody said it would be easy, but it will be worth it. That's what I'm telling myself at the moment anyway.

[HiMow 0]

you sound really negative. you're probably making yourself feel worse. Try to be proud of yourself!!

[jujuvee 0]

Ok, I'm probably going to catch hell for this but being that I don't candy coat anything I just have to say... Are you serious!!!!! It's been one month... Not to mention that this is the time for healing and getting over the shock of surgery!!!!!! Give it a chance!!! If you make the decision to go back on all Protein Shakes that defeats the purpose of the band and that will be like throwing money away. The band works off of restriction so when you get restriction and you eat solid foods it will trigger you to stop or you will throw up. If you drink your meals or eat unhealthy sliders it will go straight through the band... I don't believe in low carb because eventually you will feel deprived and when you fall off that plan you will fall hard... So seriously quit comparing yourself to other people and give yourself a pat on the back for making such a major decision in life...

I'm sorry If I am being hard but the reality is that if you are crying over 12 lbs then how are you going to handle a month with a 4 lb loss or maybe no loss at all.

[DizzyLizzy 21]

No, I am not just crying over twelve pounds. Unlike many who have been normal and then all of sudden put on weight they couldn't lose, I have been overweight ALL my life and had been on serious workouts and dieting for 3 1/2 years prior to surgery, so my crying is not just about 12 lbs, it's about my whole life and my frustration with even though doing everything right still, I'm not getting anywhere and seeing other just drop weight like it's no problem pre band and post band. This post was simply an expression of MY PERSONAL frustration and just like everyone doesn't lose the same, everyone doesn't get frustrated the same and everyone's life story is not the same. I was just reaching out to see if there were others feeling the same way to be able to talk through it and uplift each other and share experiences. So please don't "Jilian on Biggest Loser" me with the tough talk. As i said in my previous posts, I understand that I am actually doing fine with my weight loss thus far, but this is more of a head game FOR ME than I ever expected. I knew it would be hard work, and I am doing the hard work, but in all my pre-op training/classes and all the people I talked to nobody ever explained how mentally challenging it would be.

[cherylanne 0]

Don't be so hard on yourself. Twelve pounds is successful. I was banded on12/28 and I literally went 2 weeks without losing a pound in fact I gained a few back. I found the 5 day pouch test diet and I began eating low carb meals after this and have lost a few pounds since. So I can honestly say that low carb is definitly helping, although this weekend I am having more carbs than normal. Tommorow, I will dust myself off and get back on the wagon. I have been having cup type meals. Meals that I can assemble quickly in a cup and take to work. For example a mashed up piece of chicken in the bottom with a little salsa or tomatoe sauce, throw some fresh spinach on top and add cheese on top of that. Then I heat it up at work and it's delicious. Other times I may microwave a couple of cracked eggs in a coffee cup with cheese and salsa, also good. Please don't beat yourself up, keep going even if there are some slip ups.

[Soexcited 64]

OK I will chime in, Jojo has a point. It's only been a month and you are doing GREAT! The band is not bypass where you will loose the weight super fast, you know that you did your homework before your surgery. I know I did lots of homework, I think all of us did but those like you and I who are self pay maybe did a bit more. My husband got banded in October and I got banded in November, we paid out of pocket for both. Our bills gathered up over $30,000 so I hear your frustration. We are loosing on the slower side as well but you know what? We are loosing! Slow and steady wins the race! I too have been overweight since pre school ... up and down up and down up and down. Another conversation on this board is "to tell or not to tell" We didn't tell anyone but our parents.....you told (it sounds like) everyone you know, so that's added stress we chose not to have. Now everyone is judging you and looking at you ..... if you don't loose you will feel like you have failed again and again in front of your family and friends. Your co workers in there own crazy skinny brains are trying to help you, that's the only reason they took the pictures. If it helps you explain to them what the band is and that its not a quick fix, maybe that will help you feel better. But don't get so down, you are doing great...hang tight soon you will have restriction and wonder like me "What the hell was I thinking getting this band?" You will eat 5 bites and be full and before you know it another month will have passed and you will have lost more weight...I promise you ... it will be fine.