frustrated with having no control.....

[Saraboo 21]

Hi everyone. i need to vent a little, and maybe get some feedback/encouragment/advice, lol....

Here's my situation. Because of circumstances I still live at home(I'm 25) If I could move I would but I am unemployed. Because I am unemployed I am not bringing in an income, and therefore have no control over what food is available to me. that's where one of my biggest problems lies:mad2:. I have no control over what is available to me. You would think that since my step-father is diabetic that we would have healthier food in the house, but he is the worst of them all(them being the other 6 people I live with-Mom, Step-father, 3 younger sisters, and Grandmother). He constantly brings home boxes of Cookies and donuts, ice cream, and cake:cursing:. My mom and I make dinner everynight, but more often than not it's something fried, with white rice, or mashed potatoes. The only fresh fruit that we seem to have is bananas, and I can't eat them because I am allergic and my mouth and esophogus swell when I eat them. If we do have something that isn't so high in calories, or fat, it's super high in sodium, and a slider food. I have been so frustrated because it makes me feel helpless. When I try to suggest something other than what we normally have, my step-father pitches a B-fit because he doesn't like what we're having. It doesn't matter if the rest of us want it, if he doesn't like it/want it, we wont have it. :tongue:

I feel like this is what has put me on this plateau I've been on. my weight has stayed the same for the past 4 weeks. It hasn't flucuated even .2 pounds.

Any suggestions that anyone has would be great, or words of encouragement, or sympathy.:smile2: lol. But mostly I needed to vent.

[BobbieND 3]

Sounds like a familiar situation ... not me, but a couple of other banded friends.

Well, right now the only thing i can think of is ... eat the Protein first. Even if its too salty or whatever. Just compensate with drinking plenty of Water thru the day. Only eat what you can ... and small portions of it. And IF possible, really try to control the sweets. Unfortunately, the calories and saturated fats add up mighty fast !!!!

Venting is good. And this is the place to do it :-)

[abbylamb 1]

At least you haven't gained. Put me in a house full of fried foods and sweets and I'd be packing on the poundage like there's no tomorrow. As far as the food goes, since you're helping with the cooking, any way to make some substitutions to help decrease the calories and fat? You know, applesauce instead of oil in baked goods, add Fiber to spaghetti sauce, mash cauliflower in with the potatoes, skim milk, light butter, that kind of stuff? I've been doing that for so long now, I don't even know how to cook full fat recipes. Just a thought. I know you have to be so frustrated right now, but just hang in there. You won't be unemployed and living with your folks forever.

[Saraboo 21]

I wish I could say yes, that here is a way for me to get extra fiber, and other low fat options into the food we make. Unfortunatly, like I said before, my stepfather is a crybaby. If it doesn't taste the same as it always does, if he even suspects we put something new nto something, he wont eat it and will pitch a fit. He's teh worst diabetic I know. My mom and I don't bake like we used to, which has it's ups and downs. The ups being the homemade stuff isnt in teh house, the downs being it's theraputic for me, and I like to bake and give it away. But when we do make stuff, he(the stepfather) will say he can't eat it because he's diabetic, and you turn around and he's scarfing on chocolate cake and soda. Makes it kinda difficult to say the least. I'm hoping he won't be around much longer. Mean to say, but he treats us all like crap.

I do try to get my Protein first. If we have something with meat, i try to chop it up into little bites first. Mostly because I'll get stuck if I don't, but it helps to slow me down.

Thanks for listening.

[LeighaMason 19]

When I was younger and "trapped" at home with people that I didn't like I found a job working in the evening. I ended up keeping kids in someone else's home. This got me a little spending money and also a place to go..... might even help some single working mom too.

[Humming Bird 275]

Please do not take this the wrong way, but you need to get a job. Even a part-time job would be a good place to start. That way at least you can have a little money to buy some of the food you should be eating.

My son has had to move back home several times as a young adult, but he has no say about what goes on in my house. He is an adult. He can go out there and struggle to make it on his own just as I had to. I was a young single mother and my son is a young single father, so I know everyone has a different story, but in the end it is really much the same. If you don't like the way things are at your mom's house, do something to get out on your own.

[Astrasmom 1]

Hi everyone. i need to vent a little, and maybe get some feedback/encouragment/advice, lol....

Here's my situation. Because of circumstances I still live at home(I'm 25) If I could move I would but I am unemployed. Because I am unemployed I am not bringing in an income, and therefore have no control over what food is available to me. that's where one of my biggest problems lies:mad2:. I have no control over what is available to me. You would think that since my step-father is diabetic that we would have healthier food in the house, but he is the worst of them all(them being the other 6 people I live with-Mom, Step-father, 3 younger sisters, and Grandmother). He constantly brings home boxes of Cookies and donuts, ice cream, and cake:cursing:. My mom and I make dinner everynight, but more often than not it's something fried, with white rice, or mashed potatoes. The only fresh fruit that we seem to have is bananas, and I can't eat them because I am allergic and my mouth and esophogus swell when I eat them. If we do have something that isn't so high in calories, or fat, it's super high in sodium, and a slider food. I have been so frustrated because it makes me feel helpless. When I try to suggest something other than what we normally have, my step-father pitches a B-fit because he doesn't like what we're having. It doesn't matter if the rest of us want it, if he doesn't like it/want it, we wont have it. :glare:

I feel like this is what has put me on this plateau I've been on. my weight has stayed the same for the past 4 weeks. It hasn't flucuated even .2 pounds.

Any suggestions that anyone has would be great, or words of encouragement, or sympathy.:biggrin: lol. But mostly I needed to vent.

Since you are doing the cooking. Is there no way that you can cook your portions separately from everyone else? I have to do that alot of times in my house because my family doesn't like the way I prepare my food sometimes. My husband is also a diabetic and brings the sweets into the house. When they come in, I tend to just go into the bedroom. I feel for you. It's very hard.

I also have to agree with what someone else said. You need a job. I know it's easier said then done to find a job these days and I don't know your circumstances as to why you aren't working, BUT you need to get yourself out of that rut. And from the sounds of it your step-father isn't going to help you get out of that rut. And it kind of sounds like mom is powerless over him. So you have to do for yourself. If you don't, yourself esteem is going to go right down the toilet.

[BetsyB 9]

You're in a rough situation, but you CAN choose to exercise control. You can pull out a portion of Protein before the rest of the family's meal is prepped, and cook it appropriately. Since you're participating in the cooking, then you can exercise a great deal of control over what goes onto your own plate.

You can also ask the food shopper in the family to allocate some resources for foods that are appropriate for you. (Or you can offer to do the shopping.) I realize you're in the position of relying on others financially, but really---accommodating your needs (which, given your reduced stomach size, really are not overwhelming) would not likely affect the family budget much, if at all.

Is it that you PREFER your family fare? If so, you need to be honest with yourself about that--because then, you can tackle the head stuff.

If you truly want to eat differently and see no possible way to accomplish it at home, I'd get a restaurant job to tide me over until I found a job in my field. Most give staff a free meal per shift---if you work one shift and get a restaurant-sized portion of meat and steamed veggies or salad, that can easily sustain you for the full day--just pack the leftovers up and take them home to eat while your family eats poorly.

I cringe reading about your diabetic father. It's a shame the rest of the family isn't behind you in encouraging him to eat properly. As the wife of a diabetic, I know that you can only lead a horse to the Water, you can't make him drink. BUT you can make millions of really good, really healthy diabetes-friendly meals.

[HiMow 0]

You're in a rough situation, but you CAN choose to exercise control. You can pull out a portion of Protein before the rest of the family's meal is prepped, and cook it appropriately. Since you're participating in the cooking, then you can exercise a great deal of control over what goes onto your own plate.

You can also ask the food shopper in the family to allocate some resources for foods that are appropriate for you. (Or you can offer to do the shopping.) I realize you're in the position of relying on others financially, but really---accommodating your needs (which, given your reduced stomach size, really are not overwhelming) would not likely affect the family budget much, if at all.

Is it that you PREFER your family fare? If so, you need to be honest with yourself about that--because then, you can tackle the head stuff.

If you truly want to eat differently and see no possible way to accomplish it at home, I'd get a restaurant job to tide me over until I found a job in my field. Most give staff a free meal per shift---if you work one shift and get a restaurant-sized portion of meat and steamed veggies or salad, that can easily sustain you for the full day--just pack the leftovers up and take them home to eat while your family eats poorly.

I cringe reading about your diabetic father. It's a shame the rest of the family isn't behind you in encouraging him to eat properly. As the wife of a diabetic, I know that you can only lead a horse to the Water, you can't make him drink. BUT you can make millions of really good, really healthy diabetes-friendly meals.

this is some good advice right here!

[sue in ne 1]

Saaaboo,

I undersand. My DH is diabetic and does the same thing. I slowly started substituting thing when I cooked; broth for butter in Mashed Potatoes, or cut the butter/ oil by 1/3 to 1/2 . no difference in taste or looks. I used Low fat sour cream in a dish and DH never knew.

I undersand about the high salt; remove yur portion and rinse off the sauce or make the sauce with less salt- try lite salt ( tastes like salt with 1/2 the sodium). I,too , leave when the sweets are around. These ideas don't always work but many times they do.

if Step father is a smoker, he will be less likely to taste the substitutions, unless you tell him. If step father treats everyone terrible, maybe it is time to find something to do outside of the house- walk the dog, do the shopping or gardening, get a part-time job, do volunter work. Also growing your own vegetables improves the flavor of any dish (and has less sodium).

Edited January 31, 2010 by sue in ne

[kagead 0]

You don't mention why you aren't working so I don't want to make an incorrect assumption- but if you are able to work at least part time, why not apply to a Whole Foods or a healthy grocery store in your area?

That might help you accomplish two goals! You'll be surrounded by healthy foods and you'll be working so you can afford to purchase the foods you need to help you on this road.

kagead

[marchband 0]

I wish I could say yes, that here is a way for me to get extra fiber, and other low fat options into the food we make. Unfortunatly, like I said before, my stepfather is a crybaby. If it doesn't taste the same as it always does, if he even suspects we put something new nto something, he wont eat it and will pitch a fit. He's teh worst diabetic I know. My mom and I don't bake like we used to, which has it's ups and downs. The ups being the homemade stuff isnt in teh house, the downs being it's theraputic for me, and I like to bake and give it away. But when we do make stuff, he(the stepfather) will say he can't eat it because he's diabetic, and you turn around and he's scarfing on chocolate cake and soda. Makes it kinda difficult to say the least. I'm hoping he won't be around much longer. Mean to say, but he treats us all like crap.

I do try to get my Protein first. If we have something with meat, i try to chop it up into little bites first. Mostly because I'll get stuck if I don't, but it helps to slow me down.

Thanks for listening.

if he keeps eating like that he wont be around long, does ur mom want him out of the house if so get him out. try for some asstistace so you can buy your own food.

[Saraboo 21]

Thanks for all the feedback:redface:

As for the being unemployed, while it was my choice to quit-not the smartest choice in the world financially (the job I was at was taking too much of a toll on both my mental and physical health) staying unemployed is not my choice. By the time I quit I was also only getting 12 hours a week. I have been trying to get another job, I have some prospects, but in my area there aren't many places hiring, and a lot of them I am not qualified for. I've started looking in cities up to 2 hours away. I'm willing to relocate for the right job.

food wise, I do try and keep my portions seperate, I prefer boiled chicken over fried-really good with some california chili's, some chicken bullion and a jalapeno-yummm. Anytime I get extra money, I try and get some healthier stuff for me to eat. I've been trying to eat my Protein first, and making sure I chew really well. It's killer holding off on the sweets, but I've had my will power strength renewed. And I've started writing everything down again. I was at the start of my journey, but my surgeon had said I didn't need to. He was wrong. It helps to keep me accountable ad I know that I need that.

The home life, i really can't do much to change it at this point. My mom would kick her husband out if she could, but financially she can't right now. We have 7 of us in our house. My mom, her husband, 3 of my sisters, me and my grandmother. My grandmother has Alzheimer's, and my mom takes care of her. The only income my mom gets is to pay for my grandmother's care-medical supplies, various other things- She can't care for herself at all. And the 7 of us live in a double wide mobile home. And for some reason we don't qualify for assistance. We've tried but we're apparently in a weird zone where we make too much to qualify for medicare, but we don't make enough to cover other programs.

I try to get out of the house whenever I can, due to a bad relationship with my mother's husband. He isn't a very nice person, and he's responisble for a lot of my low self esteem. So, I try to remove myself from the situation whenever possible. Today I went and busted my butt at the gym, and then came home and took my dog for a mile and a half walk. And I have an appt on wed for my third fill hopefully.So I'me going to hope I get a little more restriction from it, and keep going and busting my butt at the gym.( My mom is nice enough to pay for it-she doesn't have much, but she does what she can) And I still have my personal trainer that was a xmas present. Thank God. Beecause he does bust my butt.

[BetsyB 9]

It sounds like a terribly demoralizing situation. I understand how finances can trap you in less-than-ideal situations, though.

I hope you get some kind of relief very soon. Life is too short to spend with mean men.

[maryrose 2]

I know it's hard, but it takes time to find your little "niche" away from everyone.

I am sorry your family is not being more supportive. Have you talked to your mother about this?

My husband eats a lot of bad stuff. He's thin and does not put on very much weight. He loves his twinkies, candy, etc.

I put all that aside on top of the fridge.

It really helps if you keep low cal munchy stuff around to help fend off grabbing their stuff.

It's not easy, but hopefully you will figure this out.