Why am I so hard on myself??? (long)

[StartingOver 6]

I've been banded for 7 months exactly as of today. I have lost 65-67lbs depending on whether or not my scale likes me at any given moment. :-) The logical part of me knows that my success is good. I'm averaging 2-2.5lbs per week. The problem is that is only an average! Realistically I tend to lose a large amount (7-15lbs) in the few weeks following a fill, then I struggle with the same 3-5lbs gaining and losing them for a few weeks. This time it feels like I have been struggling for a month, which when I look back at my weekly weigh in stats for the challenges I can see that I'm down at least 6lbs from last month, yet I feel like I'm not losing anything. Does that make sense? I feel like I am a failure--again logic tells me I'm not, but emotions are ruling here. Here's some of what is going on in my head:

I did not meet my goal of losing 100lbs in 6months. I know that isn't a realistic goal, but part of me was hoping that it would happen.

At first the weight loss was very noticable and I was doing new things, like jogging and going to the mall and enjoying myself. About a month ago I went shopping and was fitting into 2X tops and 18 pants and I was so excited. A few weeks later I went shopping again expected the same excitement, but instead everything I tried on was too small- still 2x's and 18's. I know that sizes can vary from brand to brand, but again I'm not thinking logically! Instead of trying on larger clothes and buying something for myself I left disappointed and ended up buying my son an entire fall/winter wardrobe! A month ago I felt smaller, healthier, I had more energy, and I was happy. Now, I feel fat, crappy, ugly, depressed, and I just don't want to do anything or go anywhere.

It used to be easy to follow the bandster rules, but lately I just can't seem to get into it. In fact for the past two weeks I have eaten french fries every single day. This is after I haven't had fries in nearly 7 months! To make things worse, I am dipping them in mayonaise. I HATE mayonaise, and have never in my life dipped anything in it. The thought of whipped eggs and oil is just absolutely disgusting to me, but apparantly I like it! And it's not only the fries, I am eating garbage seemingly non-stop.

I'm sure that this french fry diet has something to do with the way I feel. I know that when I eat healthy and exercise I feel good, which is what I was doing until recently. I am just really struggling to get back on track now.

Have I lost my momentum forever? Is this the end of my band success?

I know there isn't probably any advice out there that I don't already know, but sometimes it takes someone else's word to get you moving. Please give me any suggestions that you have on how not to feel like a failure, and how to start back on track with the kind of weight loss I was having.

Thanks for reading. I know that some of this may seem ridiculous, but i just needed to vent. Remember I'm running on emotions right now and not logic.

[NJChick 3]

Sounds like you are punishing yourself for not meeting your goals and yet you say it yourself 100 lbs is not a realistic goal.

Step back Corrine, look how far you've come and not have far you haven't come.

Wholey smokes girl, 67 lbs in 6 months, thats AMAZING !!! You are that much closer to your goal.

Also ask yourself.... why you are racing? this should not be a race but a healthy way of treating your body.

I understand, I realllllllllly do understand your frustrations. But now its time to look back at where you were 6 months ago and where you'll be 6 months from now.

So you had a bout with fries.... at your next meal, make it a healthy one and every good thing you put in your body realize and say to yourself, this is for the healthy NEW me. You spent a life time gaining weight, whats one year losing it? Plus slow is good.

Hugs to you pretty woman, you'll get there..... hang on!!

Eileen

Ohhh forgot one thing... YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE !!!

[vinesqueen 2]

Holy crap! You set yourself up to fail by setting a totally unrealistic goal, and when you didn't reach the unatablable, you feel like a failure?

Snap out of it! Zoe Get your boot out for this one! Tough love time for Corinne!

I don't have any idea why you set such a goal. Is this what your doctor's office set for you or do they even know you set this for yourself?

As for the sizes thing. I have some size 20s are too big and some 22s that I feel like I'll never fit into.

It's very likely that the french fries are making you feel crappy. When I eat a lot of potatoes my joints hurt. Just a matter of fact. As for the mayo thing, well, it sounds like your are punishing yourself. It is also possible that after 6 months of a very restictive diet (probably low fat) that your body has said that you need to have fat. We all require fat to metabolize certian vitamines, notably A, E, K and some others that I don't rember off the top of my head.

You know what you need to do woman, you need to get back on the wagon. You need to start posting more. And you need to beat yourself up less.

You've lost more weight in 6 months than at least 2 Turtles have lost combined in a longer period of time. Just to put things in perspective, you've lost a 4th grader. You've lost a average 9 year old boy.

[StartingOver 6]

Thanks for the responses. I think that I'm just getting used to the changes that my body has gone through these past 7 months and I have forgot how it feels to be 305lbs. I looked at some photos of myself before, and I do recognize my accomplishment, and feel somewhat better.

As far as setting an unattainable goal, well, that's just the way I am. I have seen others lose 100lbs in their first 6 months, and figure if they can do it so can I. Some have had a much higher start weight than I did, but some haven't so I figured with some strict discipline in the diet and exercise department I could do it. Truthfully, I can think of a million reasons why I didn't make it, again diet and exercise.Sometimes making high goals is good and it drives me to succeed, and other times it just sets me up for failure. I'm always one to make a reasonable goal out loud, but in my mind I'm shooting for the stars.

I'm back on the wagon. Can't wait for my spinach & egg salad for lunch. Yummy!

[the best me 6]

I'm back on the wagon. Can't wait for my spinach & egg salad for lunch. Yummy!

Atta girl! I liked what Vines said about the mayo...your body needs some fat! Just make it good fat, although I know all about mayo, yummy. But, when you put into the "whipped eggs and oil" words...ewwwww.

And french fries making you feel crappy. Hear, hear!!!

Thanks for this thread. It's time for me to become a food snob for a while. Stay away from gross crap. Only the best, freshest, healthiest foods!!!!

[Angeleyes 1]

Deside how much weight you have lost then go to the grocery store and pick up bags of potaotes in the same weight you have lost. Try to carry them around the store. This will help you realize what you have done. I wish I had done as well as you.

[MeganA 35]

What everybody else said...

plus...

have you thought about getting a fill?

Maybe your band isn't as tight...especially if you can eat fries!! Even with mayo I can barely choke down three or four (and I SOOO want to!) when I have good restriction.

I also find that as my band gets loose my mind goes crazy about food again...food and self doubt.

So, do a calorie check, do a weightloss check...and if you're not losing- get a fill!!!

Megan

[Parvathi 2]

Corrine, I can so completely relate to what you feel. I've been banded just a few weeks longer than you and reckon we're right on the same track.

My goal for 6 months was a bit more realistic - 50lbs - but only because my doctor was really good at reminding me to stay realistic. I too, am losing on average 2lbs/week. I lose more after a fill and then it slows. Its frustrating as hell!!

A few things I do to help remind me of what I've accomplished are:-

1. Look back at my before picture. I've only got one because I avoided cameras back then, but I can sooooo tell the difference now. It makes me feel good.
   
2. Go to the gym and lift weights. On the lat pull down, I stack up how much I've lost and try to lift it. Oddly enough, I can't lift it all at the moment, when just a few months ago I was carrying that much extra weight around every day!
   
3. Surround myself with people I haven't seen in a while. When I'm feeling down, I'll schedule a lunch date with an old friend I havent seen in ages. It gives you a chance to catch up and usually and endless string of compliments on how great you're looking now LOL.
   
4. Step away from the scales for a few days. The past two times I've went on mini holidays (like weekend getaways) and didn't have a scale, I've come back and lost. It feels great.
   

I know its hard to see how well you've done - I too get in that headspace more often than I'd like - but we can see how well you've done, so take our word for it

If you need to talk or want to vent, feel free to yell at me

[sunshine_050302 0]

Corrine,

You have really inspired me by your wonderful weightloss. That's a lot of weight to lose in 7 months. I'm going to be banded on Nov. 18th and I'm hoping to lose 100 pounds in a year or a little longer. It didn't take me a year to put it all on and I know that it certainly isn't gonna just fall off of me. Just get back on the wagon and tell yourself "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength". With God's help, you will put down the french fries and mayonaise and pick up all of the healthy foods instead. Good luck and keep us updated on your success.

Darla

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