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Halloween Jokes

NJChick · 2005-10-29T12:57:23+0000

CORNY but cute Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist? To improve his bite... What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite... Why do witches use brooms to fly on? Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy... How do witches keep their hair in place while flying? With scare spray... What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire? A fur coat that fangs around your neck... Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers? No, they eat the fingers separately... Why don't skeletons ever go out on the town? Because they don't have any body to go out with... What do ghosts add to their morning Cereal? Booberries... What is a vampire's favorite sport? Casketball... What is a vampire's favorite holiday? Fangsgiving... What would a monster's psychiatrist be called? Shrinkenstein... What did one ghost say to the other ghost? "Do you believe in people?" What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes? A Cereal killer... Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends? They're so wrapped up in themselves... What kind of streets do zombies like the best? Dead ends... What does the papa ghost say to his family when driving? Fasten your sheet belts... What is a vampire's favorite mode of transportation? A blood vessel... What is a ghost's favorite mode of transportation? A scareplane... What type of dog do vampire's like the best? Bloodhounds... What is a ghoul's favorite flavor? Lemon-slime... What does a vampire never order at a restaurant? A stake sandwich... What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument? A trombone... What do birds give out on Halloween night? Tweets... Why do vampires need mouthwash? They have bat breath... What's a vampire's favorite fast food? A guy with very high blood pressure... Why did the Vampire subscribe to the Wall Street Journal? He heard it had great circulation...

By NJChick, October 29, 2005 in LAP-BAND Surgery Forums

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  Day 1 of pre-op liquid diet (3 weeks) and I'm having a hard time already. I feel hungry and just want to eat. I got the protein and supplements recommend by my program and having a hard time getting 1 down. My doctor / nutritionist has me on the following:
  1 protein shake (bariatric advantage chocolate) with 8 oz of fat free milk 1 snack = 1 unjury protein shake (root beer) 1 protein shake (bariatric advantage orange cream) 1 snack = 1 unjury protein bar 1 protein shake (bariatric advantace orange cream or chocolate) 1 snack = 1 unjury protein soup (chicken) 3 servings of sugar free jello and popsicles throughout the day. 64 oz of water (I have flavor packets). Hot tea and coffee with splenda has been approved as well. Does anyone recommend anything for the next 3 weeks?
  
  November 8 · 1 reply
  1. NickelChip
    
    All I can tell you is that for me, it got easier after the first week. The hunger pains got less intense and I kind of got used to it and gave up torturing myself by thinking about food. But if you can, get anything tempting out of the house and avoid being around people who are eating. I sent my kids to my parents' house for two weeks so I wouldn't have to prepare meals I couldn't eat. After surgery, the hunger was totally gone.
    
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