Feeling like a failure

[tlwick 0]

Hi everyone,

I have had it up to my neck by my Weight Loss Doctor... I have lost 61lbs since I had my surgery in July of 08..It seems like every time I go to my doctor, he tells me that I should have lost more and that I am not trying hard enough. Well, I just went back to him after the holidays, and I have gained 5lbs back. (granted I did slip with the eggnog). He told me that I am not dedicated and that I would probably wind up being one of his failures. I am sick and tired of his condescending attitude and ridicule. I have had to deal with ridicule and insults most of my adult life. I have made an appointment with another weight loss doctor, but they require a $250 patient transfer fee. Has anyone else had any trouble out of their weight loss surgeon?

BTW: I had the gastric banding in July 08, went in weighing 236lbs, and just weighed in today at 175.

Thanks,

Lynn

[happy2lose 0]

I think its very important to have a supportive doctor. If yours isn't then by all means make a change. $250 is a small price to pay to do so.

Only you know how much effort you are putting into your weight loss. If you aren't working very hard then you owe it to yourself to step it up a notch or two. But if you are working out regularly and following a nutritional plan then you are doing all you can do. some people are slow losers.

[btrieger 21]

Let me apologize ahead of time because I know this isn't the reply you are looking for.

I don't know anything about your doctor except for what you have posted in this article but it sounds like the kind of doctor I'd pay $250 to transfer TO.

The truth can hurt sometimes but I need a kick in the ass sometimes to bring me back to reality.

What are the condescending comments he is making? Are you doing everything he has asked you to do? What are you looking for in a doctor?

[aimerus 0]

Wow. He sounds like an ass. If you are not comfortable with him then kick him to the curb and get a new dr. I think some "tough love" is perfectly acceptable but telling you that you are going to be one of his failures is pretty crappy.

If you are not satisfied with your weight loss results then maybe it is time to evaluate your diet and exercise situation. The dr can only do so much, the rest is up to you. Good luck!

[princessaktmc 1]

I too think it is pretty low that he said you would be one of his failures...That is ridiculous!!

We live in a small area and my aunt used to drive about 3 hours to go to her surgeon and she was feeling bummed because she wasn't losing much then she decided to go to a local bariatric surgeon and since she has went to him she has lost over 80lbs and is feeling awesome. Maybe you need a different doctor with a different approach to get the change and results you are looking for.:thumbup:

[Blaze21 5]

I agree that you should switch doctors. I don't care if you only lost 2 lbs in 2 years. No one deserves to be put down and spoken to that way, especially, not by a doctor. You or your insurance or both, are paying him for his services and it doesn't sound like he's doing his job correctly. And congrats on your weight loss.

[HiMow 0]

some people don't respond to "tough love" and instead it just shuts them down.

Find a doctor that doesn't charge to transfer, I am so sure they are out there. :thumbup:

[happy2lose 0]

I would focus less on the fee and more on interviewing for a new doctor. Prepare yourself a list of questions so that you don't have any surprises after you switch. #1 question for me would be if there is a set schedule for fills that would limit you to frequency of fills. #2 Find out how long it generally takes to get into the doctor for a fill. If they are really booked it may take weeks to get in which would make me think twice about picking that doctor. #3 Make sure your personality is compatible with the doc so you don't run into another negative attitude.

Just a suggestion.......I really hope you find someone you are comfortable with.

Just a thought I had about your current doctor......If you fail it affects his failure rate.....this is probably why he is pushing you.

[Somedayslim:) 1]

I don't think a 61 pound loss is a failure. We all lose at different rates, sometimes it takes years to get to your goal. It also depends on where you start at. You were not in my opionion that big to begin with. Some people have a goal of 175! Be proud of the weight loss you have achieved, get a more supportive Doctor, and keep your chin up. You have it within yourself with the help of the band to reach your goal. Don't let this jerk discourage you!

[smitten kitten 0]

With the weight you've lost, I don't see you as a failure at all. However, I would change doctors asap. If ridicule helped overweight people to lose then I think most of us would be skinny little twigs by now - at least I know I would. I wish you the best of luck and hope you find a doctor that is understanding and supportive of you.

[Laura Lane 0]

i had my surgery in Mexicali with Dr. Aceves. Haven't had any problems, i've been losing weight gradually.

sorry to hear your story.

if it's any help - try to stay calm and positive.

goodluck.

[tlwick 0]

Thanks everyone.

I have an appt with another doctor....but it will not be until the last week of February. I wish to thank everyone for their supportive comments.

Lynn

[BetsyB 9]

There is a huge difference between motivation and encouragement and the kind of condescension and belittlement that stir up the kinds of feelings that foster, for many of us, the overeating that got us into trouble in the first place.

I'd pay $250 in a heartbeat to get away from a doctor who "motivated' me by belittlement. There is NO place for that in medicine. Frank discussion? Certainly. Laying it on the line? Definitely. But, "You're a failure because you're not dedicated" is in no way constructive.

I am SO thankful that my doctor had made me feel like a success in the making from the get-go. It really makes a tremendous difference.

Make the plunge. Switch to a doctor who will give you what YOU need.