Husband question..

[Becky Lou 0]

My husband and I have always had a fantastic relationship until the discussion of the lapband came up.

Now just a little history, we have been together for 17 years and when we met I was a lean 130 pounds.

Over the years pounds have been creeping on and on and on. LOL

Our hobbies has been going out to dinner and enjoying cocktails on the lake in the summer.

Now that I have almost completed all the testing and will be turning everything into the insurance company he seems non supportive and irritated with my decision. He is afraid of any side effects from the surgery sedation, blood clots.

He made mention that I'm going to leave once I get skinny. I told him he had no chance of freedom from me, I'm here forever like it or not!

I guess my question is. Has anyone else had this reaction? And if so did they become supportive after the surgery.

I love my husband very much but I think he's afraid of everything in his life changing overnight. Any thoughts...

[ParrotheadCathy 0]

Actually, I gather that is a somewhat common reaction. Unfortunately, relationship DO fall apart after significant weight loss sometimes. But becauase it does happen to some certainly doesn't make it a given.

He's afraid of change and probably like many family members just afraid of the potential problems related to surgery and anesthesia. Ask him to go to your visit with the surgeon pre-op so that he has a chance to voice his concerns to the profession who can truly answer his questions.

And, just keep loving him and be thankful he loves you enough to worry!

[nebraskahickchi 2]

Wow... sounds like my husband through and through. He even begged me to postpone my surgery til after the first of the year!! He knows how scared I was and my history of procrastination, lol. He said those very same words, not to me, but to my kids. That he was afraid I am going to leave once I lose weight.

However, he has been very supportive since the surgery.

I think a lot of reassurance helps and allowing them to be part of the whole process. Making them feel needed. :thumbup:

[Catherine55 43]

Definitely give him reassurance -- and let him know that you're going to be with him LONGER because you'll be healthier!

As for dinners and cocktails, I go out for these things all of the time. It's no problem with the band -- you'll just eat less of your meal than you did before.

Catherine

[Cocoabean 430]

If you are eating buddies, this could be a factor, also. But, you can assure him that you will still be able to go out. You will have to make different selections, or perhaps share Entrees with him. You can still enjoy cocktails at the lake. Alcohol contains calories with no nutritional value, thus you want to limit the intake, but it has no detrimental effect on the band. If you drink carbonated beverages, that may have to change.

Fear of change itself can be huge. My hubby was not really supportive of the idea at first. Especially when I considered gastric bypass. That was just too scary for him, and the radical diet change was such that he could not/would not consider it.

As he adjusted to the idea of the band, it became easier for him to deal with.

I could not have done this if he had not supported it. He came to all the seminars and pre-op support groups with me, and also to many of my pre-op appointments with my surgeon. My surgeon actually requires this. I thought it was a great idea. He could ask questions and not just rely on me for information. He knew the answers were not slanted to my point of view. He was able to make his own informed decision. Now he is 100% supportive of me.

Denise

[Spaz80 0]

Mine is being supportive. He came to the first meeting to meet the doctor and hear the information. He comes home and asks how I did (I've started my adjustment to eating three meals a day and such). I share with him what I was able to accomplish that day. The nutrionist said that the best support he could give was to Celebrate all the accomplishments not just the ones on the scale.

I was more worried about my mom who we live with. She too went and is totally on board with helping me succeed. I hope she too will have the band done as she needs to lose the weight as well, but if she does some of it with me it is better than nothing.

Just keep him in the loop and let him know how much you love him.

[thebandedgirl 0]

The Boy didn't want me to have surgery, either. He was concerned about complications, death, and convinced that I could lose weight on my own. Ultimately, though, he knew that it was my body and my life and he's been very supportive.

I asked him if he'd ever worried that I would lose all of my weight and leave him; he said that he is concerned about it now but the thought hadn't occurred to him before :thumbup:

I'm really sorry that your husband isn't being supportive. As others have said, I think that reassurance is the best medicine for the problem.

Good luck :biggrin: