dont lose too much comment- A Question

[mi_illusion_st 27]

I wonder how people handle the comments others make about dont get too thin and you shouldnt lose that much weight. I am currently at 186.2 pounds and constantly hear from family members you dont need to be that thin when I tell them my goal is between 130 and 140 which at 5'4" would put me in the middle of a normal weight, tjhey constantly say you will look sick and too thin. I keep telling them that I discussed this with my doctor and we agree that taht is a reasonable weight but they dont want to listen. Any one have any idea of another way I could approach this to get it thru their heads that they are just used to seeing me fat and tha whole family is fat that a normal weight will look different to them? Thanks if nothing else I at least could get this out of my system.

Bonnie

[cwm812 11]

Good luck with this one. I get this all the time. People keep telling me that I must be done losing....Yeah, right. I'm a size 14 and still "obese" on a BMI chart. Admittedly, I look great compared to pre-band me, but still, it just doesn't make sense. I appreciate the compliments, but I, too, am never sure what to say when someone suggests I could get too thin! Heck, I just hope to see the "overweight" category one of these days!

Cindy

[btrieger 21]

If anyone ever tells me I look too thin, I will give them a twenty and a wet kiss!

[crzytchr 3]

If anyone ever tells me I look too thin, I will give them a twenty and a wet kiss!

:tt1: I am with you on that one!

[mi_illusion_st 27]

If anyone ever tells me I look too thin, I will give them a twenty and a wet kiss!

YOU LOOK TO THIN....had to do it

Thanks everyone for making me feel better!

[carbgrl 0]

Just keep doing what your doing. Smile and say it's between me and my doctor. I've always thought these type of comments are my down fall because they make me feel over confident, and relaxed and less strict with my eating. I start to believe them and they "get in my head", then I start gaining... and the cycle begins again ....

[Lisa65 3]

Or just simply say, "Maybe I'll adjust my goal once I get closer - who knows?!" - and then FORGET they ever said anything - and keep doing what you're doing!

It IS between you and your doctor - no one else. And it IS easy to become complacent when you hear it too often. So just maybe, if you pass it off with a positive "time will tell" attitude, they will come to realize that YOU are making your decision and it's not their place to influence it. Good luck!

[ParrotheadCathy 0]

In many cases there is something coming into play that you guys haven't considered.....if you've been overweight for a long time, or maybe have always had a weight problem, then nobody really remembers what you looked like at that weight. If people tell you that you don't need to lose any more weight, they may just be saying that you look the best they've ever seen (or remember).

There's no law that says you have to dispute their comment either. Take it with a grain of salt or give them the benefit of the doubt, say "thank you [for the compliment/your concern/whatever" and go on.

[adagray 1]

If anyone asks me what my goal is I tell them 150 because that puts me right at the edge of the healthy weight range. But, I follow that w/'But honestly, I will be happy wherever I end up whether it be lower or higher. Its a new lifestyle and my body is gonna end up where it ends up.'

I think its funny that anyone would think that I have complete control over where I would end up. But, anyone who says 'don't lose too much weight' or get 'too skinny' is probably more concerned that you will end up thinner than them. I know that sounds harsh, but that has been my experience when I've lost a lot of weight on weight watchers. Some people in your life will freak out if you go below THEIR weight or size because they perceive a 'pecking order' to weight/size and you will have disrupted that hierarchy in their mind. I'm not someone who has ever cared if I am 'fatter' or 'thinner' than someone else, but some people have their whole identities wrapped up in this.

[mi_illusion_st 27]

Thank you all so much for your thoughts on this I really appreciate it. You may be right adagray about teh thinner than me thought cause 2 of the 3 that keep telling me that have had other WLS done. You all have made me feel so much better and more positive right now.

Bon

[shellyphaunts 0]

I have to agree with Adagray. And maybe add a bit. My sister and I have been obese together for about 10 years. I have recieved zero support from her since my surgery. However, she still spoke to me, on occasion. Six months post-op, we saw eachother for the first time, and I had lost around fifty pounds. She said NOTHING about my success. It really hurt me.

Since then, she has completely cut me off. She refers to my WLS as "cheating," telling other family members I took the "easy" way out. She refused to see me during the holidays, and insisted my parents have TWO holidays, one for my family, and one for hers. Why? Did I betray some secret fat-girl code? No. Seeing me succeed forces her to face her own insecurities.

There is another person in my life, I love more than anything, but I think even she resents my weight loss, just a little bit. She happens to be battling her weight for the first time in her life. She has been very supportive, but there have been comments here and there, that make me wonder. Everytime I tell her I've gone down a size in jeans, or lost a few pounds or met another goal, she cries. After a few tears, she claims to be very proud of me. But I hear the sadness, I see a hint of jealousy. I feel a distance grow just a little bit more in our relationship. It really breaks my heart.

I think the comments you are hearing come from this same place. A deep fear that you will succeed where they have failed. Your success is a reality check for them. One they aren't eager to face.

For myself, I know how hard this journey is, just dealing with my own insecurities and issues. But having others insecurities thrust upon me at the same time is overwhelming, and makes trying to lose weight that much harder. Somehow, you just have to let it go. Focus on your own fight, and let them deal with theirs. Easier said than done, I know.

Best wishes to you.

Hugs,

[ParrotheadCathy 0]

Shelly, I'm sorry your sister is such a butt! You're right when you say that your success has pushed all her insecurities and failures to the forefront and has made all that baggage very hard to ignore. In her heart, she may feel very different than what she's verbalizing. Be available to her if she reaches out to you because she may one day wake up and realize that her biggest concern is surgery itself and would it work for her. And with continued success, she will eventually see you and know the answer.

As for your friend/partner?, you have the tools. You've learned how to eat. Ask her to exercise with you...make a social event for the two of you. Cook the healthy meals you're learning about -- even try going gourmet and make cooking some of those meals a time that you share. Of course she cries when you drop another size because she feels left behind. You don't have to say "Let me help you lose". Just say "let's take a walk together" and walk 3 miles. If you go to the gym, find out if you can get a guest pass for her and invite her to go with you and work the circuit (which is infinitely adjustable to any one person's ability and endurance). And you see what I'm saying, make her a part of what you're doing rather than a sad observer.

Good luck!

[Carriejess 27]

I'm 5'5 and now 127 pounds, people started telling me not to lose any more from about 150 pounds. I honestly believe that it's just because my frineds and family had never seen me that small.. Their view of what you should look like are a bit warped, they also become concerned that you will develope some kind of eating disorder. Most of the people i know do not have weight issues, the way i deal with it is basically by reminding those people how much they weigh and what size they are and compare myslf to them. This also works by comparing your self to smaller friends. My Mum tells me to stop losing and i say ' you know Natalie/Jo/Kate etc? Do you think they look healthy or do they look malnourished? Oh you think they look perfectly healthy? Well we are the same height and i weigh more than her.....' seems to work for me! I am not personally comparing myself to others but it seems to put things into perspective for the people who worry about me for no reason.

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,282]

Sometimes I think these types of comments are made out of competitive tendencies. They are especially prevalent in a family situation where most everyone is obese or overweight.

I encountered this yesterday even. I was in the work hallway discussing weight loss with a thin man and an overweight woman. I think she felt intimidated because she asked me how my arm felt. I said fine, why? She said because I’m wearing that sling thing. I explained to her I’m wearing a BodyBugg and what it was for. She thought it was for bursitis or something… not quite.

Well, the man said I’m doing great and I’m really serious. I agreed, but she just seemed like I was going overboard. She drinks apple-cider vinegar Water to lose weight. She did lose about 20 Lbs but it’s been awhile now, yet she is still drinking this awful concoction.

Then she explains her large stomach is from some unknown illness and her stomach ballooned one moment overnight. How can I listen to all this with a straight face? She talks about “bed exercises” such as lifting your legs up off the bed as some form of actual calorie burning. I’d say sure, if that’s all you can do. She can do so much more than that. Besides, she was only talking about it and never once mentioned she actually does it.

Well back on topic and the reason I went all out to tell you this story is she said a lady we work with looks sickly and unhealthy. Both myself and the man she was talking to exchanged looks, and I simply told her that the lady looks perfectly normal.

So you see, she is just skewed in her perception and she felt she needed to make an example of someone she might wish she could be like. To me she just seemed full of excuses on why she won’t do everything she needs to, to lose weight. i.e. eating right, smaller portions, less sugar, and exercise.

[shellyphaunts 0]

Shelly, I'm sorry your sister is such a butt!

As for your friend/partner?, you have the tools. You've learned how to eat. Ask her to exercise with youGood luck!

Thank you for the advice PHCathy! I hope at some point I can open up my heart to my sister, but right now, I really need some distance, for my own success and sanity.

As for my best friend, this year she was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. We used to work out together, but she can't anymore. Plus, I think there is a certain amount of depression that came with the diagnosis, as well as other life changes. It just seems that both of our lives changed so much this year, but in opposite ways. I try quite hard to remain close to her, and find things to do when she's feeling up to it, but it's difficult for her right now.

.

LMDiva~ I have been looking into the BodyBugg. Are you happy with it?

Hugs to all,