female only Feeling hopeless and don't know what to do...

[Marine mom 3]

i would suggest that you still go to counseling. Either with him or without him. He is not stable if he has done this twice in a 5 month marriage. And you are walking a tightrope, I suspect.

[Done 2]

I'm so very sorry you have had to go through this.

I don't want to sound too harsh, but I have to say, personally, I would not want to be married to somebody who questions his commitment to me every few weeks.

I don't think there was another woman, unless she's particularly attracted to unemployed men who cheat on their wives.

YOU are beautiful. YOU are a loving, caring, affectionate, passionate woman who deserves more out of a relationship. You may not feel it right now because of your weight, you have to see it and believe it, make it real for yourself. Admire all of the positive qualities and strengths that you have. Now compare them to him..do they match? Like two puzzle pieces, do you both fit together? Because it seems to me you are two completely different people...you are successfully employed, he can't seem to keep a job...you are in touch with your emotions, however he is completely tuned off in that area. He has put you through HELL. You don't deserve that! You will always have that nagging thought in the back of your head - will this be a good day or a bad day ? What to expect next from him? Will he love me and want me today or not? Then you might start over-obsessing about making your self overly perfect just so that he will love you back. Browbeating yourself when you don't lose the expected amount of weight, etc. I know all about that sweetie, because my husband has done some horrible things to me, and I found my self-esteem plummeting and my self-hatred increasing because of it...I'm not good enough...what did I do wrong to make him do that? etc. etc.

You have all of the tools to lead a successful independent life. You have friends that support you. If you had a friend like that, who one week claimed they didn't want to be friends anymore, then a few weeks later decide they DID want to be friends with you, would you stay in that relationship?

You also worry about him not having a place to stay - WHO CARES? Maybe he needs to get a swift kick in the arse where reality kicks in and he's living in a shelter and you put all of his stuff in storage and give him the bill once he finds a job and moves elsewhere. I know you love him to death, but honestly that type of love should be reserved for your future children, not a spouse that treats you like dirt.

I really wish you the best of luck in this whole ordeal and I hope that he keeps it together and doesn't put you in any more turmoil.

:smile2: Robby

[stacamber 8]

Hello how are you I have been in your shoes before. My first marriage was for five months and he wanted out but I keep making him stay. You can not listen to what people say you have to experience this your self. Sometimes when you are in something you can't see things for what they are. If you want to keep trying keep trying till you can't hold your head up anymore. You will make a good move on when you get tried. I keep trying for almost three years and that was with us not living together. Sometimes you have to let it go to come back or sometimes when you let go you become free your self of heart ache and pain. Be happy do things you like to do put all your energy in you. Have made a wonderful step keep it going love you more than you love someone else your going to make it and be looking so good girl. Get into to you focus on just you for a wild let everything else work itself out. I have been married for three years today 5/26/2010 good luck and god speed keep quite and stay still focus on you darling let everything else come together

Edited May 26, 2010 by stacamber

[TN_girl21 1]

Just an update: Jason moved out back in mid June. He moved back to his mom's. I filed for divorce papers 2 weeks ago today. He is begging to come home, and shoe me how he's a changed man. I am not letting him. But yes, part of me wants him to come home. I'm hoping and praying that I am doing the right thing. I feel that I am. I just wanted to thank all of yall for the advice given!!!

[lillyegg 3]

Good for you! I know how hard it is having gone through something similar. But you are doing the right thing. Jason has not changed. You of all people know how hard it is to truly change. You are going through the process of changing your entire lifestyle. Has it happened in two months?

Jason needs to grow up and in order to do that he needs to take care of himself for a change. Replace the name Jason with Dominick and this is the advice I give myself every day.

Stick to your guns because in the end he is going to always look out for himself and change his mind whenever the wind blows. You have a responsibility to yourself here to be the one who says you will not be hurt anymore. He clearly can't make that decision.

[SoccerMomma73 1,867]

Yay for you! He's using the threat of losing you to control you and well screw him. You don't need that BS. You're a beautiful strong woman who deserves someone who loves her and will stay by her side every day, not just the one's he wants to.... Don't cave, you deserve so much better than this!

[KTKaya 2]

stay strong! He sounds pretty manipulative from what you recently posted. He thinks you are a toy that he can push away and then pull back when he's feeling insecure. I pray you will find a resolution so you can live your life!

[gingerjane 5]

I know I am just coming in on this but I agree - stay strong and stay true to yourself. You have done everything you need to do and sometimes you can't make someone else happy but in that same vein, don't let them make YOU miserable. You deserve to be happy. Not worry about whether or not your husband is going to want to leave.

Hugs to you!

[jiggly bits:) 0]

wat an absolute selfish yellow bellied butt munch-it was incredibly selfish of him to marry you if months down the line he was going to come out with tht! he will obviously have his reasons and be basing his desicion on how he's feeling but your feelings definatly didnt come into play when he said those 2 words 'i do' because he probably had his doubts about being married before he put the ring on your finger babe. you deserve better!!!!!!

ditch the dodo lose those pounds and focas on a brand new you.im a big believer in karma and fate and if you focas on nothing but the positive in your life then only positive things will be attracted to you and what seems like the love of your life now will seem like nothing compared to the REAL MAN thats destined to find you and shower you with the love u deserve.chin up chick xx

'he is a butt munch you are beautiful'- just say it