Telling people, Judgements, and Accountability with the Band

[Bean1980 0]

I was banded in May and at first I didnt want to tell anyone...I actually didnt even tell my Mother until the day of surgery...lol...but after I realized that what I was doing was something to help MY life and sure I know that there are people who smile to my face and talk behind my back...but to be honest it doesnt bother me...I made a choice...I am happy with it and so is my husband...it will never matter what other people think of you...Remember this is a choice you made to make YOUR life better =)

[1unknownperson 0]

Bean, Your right... It doesn't matter what other people say... and I'm sure someday I will tell people but for now, I am happiest just keeping it to myself and my own tiny support group... People can be so cruel without even trying... and my feelings are very sensitive.... And I can't ever think of things to say on the spot so I feel defenseless incase people were to start saying things like this was crazy because I didn't look that heavy although in photos I think I look huge with three chins and all... 80 pounds is a lot of excess weight whether you can see it or not...

[Vivinthewoods 0]

I made the decision not to tell people about my WLS - only my husband, one of my children and my very closest friend know. My medical history and procedures are nobody’s business but mine. If I was to be asked a direct question, I would be honest and give a direct answer.

Remarks have been made about my weight, ranging from unthinking to downright cruel. I see no reason to share personal information with anyone who may look at my surgery as a failure – “She could not lose weight by herself”.

I have many friend circles and the people in those circles are very dear to me, but there is always someone (usually size 8 or below and eats like a horse) who does not understand the difficulties of people with weight issues, they just see it as a lack of control, we know it is more than that. I have had the following comments made by such people: - “Don’t you wish you could have your photo taken at Glamour Shots?” and “Don’t you wish you could wear sexy underwear?” Even my dear mother (and I know mom never meant to be hurtful), when introducing me to her friends would add, as a way of apology, “She wasn’t this size the last time I saw her”.

I do have the loving support of the three people that know about my WLS and the support and guidance from my PCP in my WL journey. I am very comfortable with my decision and I don’t need sympathy, fussing over or comments about my choices. It boils down to, what works for you – there is no right or wrong choice here.

Thank you to everyone on this site - I have gained so much information from you all. Good luck in your WL journey.

[doubleg71 0]

I have been reading all the posts on this topic because it seems to be the one thing I have gone back and forth with for my entire pre-op experience. I have my pre-op meeting with my surgeon tomorrow and I am scheduled to be banded on Jan. 20th. I have only told two people and I have been preparing everyone, mostly people at work, about my expected weight loss by beginning a "Biggest loser" challenge with a group of people (first place will pay out enough to cover my Insurance Deductible:thumbup:)...and all of my co-workers and friends are aware of the competition. I am lucky that my surgery and weight loss process has begun at the beginning of the year when everyone tries to lose weight for the New Year. Everyone at work has seen me eating extremely light and healthy for the past 2 weeks. I also made it known to everyone that I have a goal of losing 80-90 lbs. and I will do whatever it takes to meet my goals. I have been lucky as far as taking time off because I have a great boss who doesn't care if I take off early or have a doctor's appt. and asks me every morning how my "diet" is going. I have a core group of people I eat with daily and most of them are trying to lose weight as well.

My biggest concern is when I return to "real" food, PB'ing or getting stuck at lunch time. After reading all the posts on this, I am hopeful to avoid this during lunch time until I learn exactly what I can eat and learn to decrease the "bite" size of my food. The main reason I have decided not to discuss this with more people is because I don't think some of my friends would think I should resort to the surgery..but they have never lived in my shoes. I have been 100 lbs. overweight for the last 10 years. I have done the diet/exercise regimine many times. I would lose 30-40 lbs and then hit the plateau..then quit and gain it back. I am ready to return to being a healthier person, not to mention that my entire family is diebetic and I don't want to travel down that road. I want to feel good about myself and have the self confidence I use to have when I was in my late 20's.

As my surgery date gets closer, the more anxious I get and wonder if I am making the right decision. I began thinking that if our great leader Mr. Obama:mad2: gets his healthcare reform package passed, my company may choose not to cover this elective surgery and then I would regret it later on...and you know that government run healthcare would not offer it. Plus, about three days into my pre-op diet, I nearly brokedown and bought a cheeseburger meal for lunch. I know that if I don't do this, the probability of me continuing a healthier lifestyle is lower. I guess if you feel comfortable telling people, then you should. I chose not to air my business to everyone...

[emjay 8]

I have told my family, a few close friends and some co-workers. I really don't tell casual acquaintances who ask direct questions about it if I feel that they are only asking to make conversation or gossip. Being from a small town - you pretty much have an idea of who they are.

It's amazing to me how direct some people who you aren't particularly close to can be - like how much have you lost? What size are you in now? How much do you weigh now? How much more do you want to lose? Really! I would never dream of asking those questions!

My parents are already judgemental when it comes to my weight and always have been. But now, it's "you really don't need to lose any more weight" instead of "you really should try and lose some weight". I can't win for losing (no pun intended) when it comes to their satisfaction. But that's another chapter.

Looking back would I have done anything different? Probably not. My dearest friends don't really mention it that often and when they do are always complimentary and respect my boundaries. My family is my family and I don't wish to keep secrets from them.

I don't like feeling like I'm lying by omission when I don't tell people who ask about my weight loss about my surgery, but sometimes you just don't want to open yourself up to all the other questions that come along with it. The people that I want to know - know, and the people that I feel I could help if they asked I would tell, but for those who are just curious and would find it a nice tidbit of gossip to spread around - no thanks. I don't want or need the snide remarks and judgements of those who don't "get it".

Am I ashamed? No. In fact, I would stand up at any weight loss support group and gladly tell those who are having the same struggles about the success I have had and the wonderful journey it has been. But my struggles with weight have been a huge part of my life and have made me feel like a failure, even though I've achieved alot in my life. So I guess part of it is that I don't really want to talk about my weight so much since it does remind me of how it made me feel when I didn't have control over my weight. (If that makes sense).

It is a personal decision for everyone...so to each his or her own. Sorry for the rant...

[curiousinoh 0]

I have been reading all the posts on this topic because it seems to be the one thing I have gone back and forth with for my entire pre-op experience. I have my pre-op meeting with my surgeon tomorrow and I am scheduled to be banded on Jan. 20th. I have only told two people and I have been preparing everyone, mostly people at work, about my expected weight loss by beginning a "Biggest loser" challenge with a group of people (first place will pay out enough to cover my Insurance Deductible:thumbup:)...and all of my co-workers and friends are aware of the competition. I am lucky that my surgery and weight loss process has begun at the beginning of the year when everyone tries to lose weight for the New Year. Everyone at work has seen me eating extremely light and healthy for the past 2 weeks. I also made it known to everyone that I have a goal of losing 80-90 lbs. and I will do whatever it takes to meet my goals. I have been lucky as far as taking time off because I have a great boss who doesn't care if I take off early or have a doctor's appt. and asks me every morning how my "diet" is going. I have a core group of people I eat with daily and most of them are trying to lose weight as well.

My biggest concern is when I return to "real" food, PB'ing or getting stuck at lunch time. After reading all the posts on this, I am hopeful to avoid this during lunch time until I learn exactly what I can eat and learn to decrease the "bite" size of my food. The main reason I have decided not to discuss this with more people is because I don't think some of my friends would think I should resort to the surgery..but they have never lived in my shoes. I have been 100 lbs. overweight for the last 10 years. I have done the diet/exercise regimine many times. I would lose 30-40 lbs and then hit the plateau..then quit and gain it back. I am ready to return to being a healthier person, not to mention that my entire family is diebetic and I don't want to travel down that road. I want to feel good about myself and have the self confidence I use to have when I was in my late 20's.

As my surgery date gets closer, the more anxious I get and wonder if I am making the right decision. I began thinking that if our great leader Mr. Obama:mad2: gets his healthcare reform package passed, my company may choose not to cover this elective surgery and then I would regret it later on...and you know that government run healthcare would not offer it. Plus, about three days into my pre-op diet, I nearly brokedown and bought a cheeseburger meal for lunch. I know that if I don't do this, the probability of me continuing a healthier lifestyle is lower. I guess if you feel comfortable telling people, then you should. I chose not to air my business to everyone...

My opinion about the biggest loser contest prize money is if you take that money because you win after having surgery you are really cheating those who dont have food restriction. And, nothing stays a secret if you've told even one person. If you win and you take their money when it gets out not only will EVERYONE know about your surgery because everyone will be talking about it at the Water cooler a lot of them will not be happy with you. That money may not be worth it if everyone at work wishes you didnt work there.

[tamiew 0]

I have had no problem telling people about being banded. As a result I get a tremendous amount of positive comments! It is exciting and motivating to see the weight come off and the nice things people say to me really helps my self esteem and makes me more determined to get rid of the weight. I am sure there will be people that will make not so nice comments but thats their problem. I got banded for health reasons and I don't really care one way or the other what people think.

[Northern Mist 2]

Curiousinohio

My bet.........

If you join the group betting on weight loss and your co-workers find out about the lap-band surgery they're not going to be happy with you.

[doubleg71 0]

My opinion about the biggest loser contest prize money is if you take that money because you win after having surgery you are really cheating those who dont have food restriction. And, nothing stays a secret if you've told even one person. If you win and you take their money when it gets out not only will EVERYONE know about your surgery because everyone will be talking about it at the Water cooler a lot of them will not be happy with you. That money may not be worth it if everyone at work wishes you didnt work there.

Well, before I even joined the group, I asked what the rules were..and of course...there were no rules. As a matter of fact...at our weigh in, a guy made a joke about "getting his stomach stapled" and the facilitator of the contest said..."If someone wants to spend $15K to get it done to win $1K, then let them...". So, as far as I am concerned, it is fair game and it is just an additional tool that I will use to keep me focused on the future...Not to mention that it is not judged by total pounds lost...it is by % of weight lost (just like on TV)..So I could lose 26 lbs., which is 10% and some one who weighs 200 lbs. could lose 25 lbs. and still win the contest. Secondly, I don't work with anyone in the contest...it is contest that a friend of mine was having with some other people she knows, so I am not worried about having to work with someone. It was fortunate that I was already planning WLS prior to joining this group. :w00t:

[Gene888 1]

Seriously overweight or obese, this very modest amount of weight loss is often not enough to make a big difference in their weight issues.

[dariasjourney 0]

:smile::cool2::smile::thumbup:I totally understand what you are saying. I still, 7 months later, have still not told co-workers and other people, that I did the surgery. It is not embarassment, but so many people have had negative comments about WLS. I am succeeding, but my boss has failed. I do not want to be linked to her failure, ergo, I do not tell people about my surgery. Smart or not, I do not want to be lumped into a failure category, when clearly I am not 97 lbs to date...still going strong too. It is like arebirth, without a doubt...how are you doing?

[dariasjourney 0]

I get what you are saying and am right in line with you on all your points. I get it. How are you doing now?

[Beachbunny 5]

I don't care what people think of me having the surgery. Its my body and im making me healthier. I have a positive outlook , so most around me have been very supportive!

[Momto3redheads 18]

I like reading everyone's reasons behind their decisions....I applaud each of you for taking the journey regardless of whether or not you want anyone to know!

I have no poker face and cannot lie worth a darn, so I am in the tell all camp. I told my friends and family - and anyone who asks me how I lost the weight as I am not about to lie or deny having surgery.

I DO however tell them that when I plateaued at about a year post op I found a garment that helped me to reshape my figure, thus putting me in smaller clothes and changing my appearance, and that helped me lose the additional 25 lbs....as I have to give the Body Magic credit for getting me over the plateau! Today I was able to wear a size of jeans I haven't ever ever ever seen in my adult life - from the misses section! YAHOO! What a feeling!

Keep up the good work guys and gals!

Kim

[Soexcited 64]

I will be banded 1 year next month WOW! I have not told anyone except my husband (also banded) and our parents. I am still thrilled I have not told anyone else, my friends have seen me through thick and thin and to them it's just me loosing weight again. Now I'll keep it off thanks to my band!