Keeping surgery a secret

[TheJulie 0]

I like to take a CIA approach to this, and put it on a 'need to know' basis. Some people, in particular, health nuts who think themselves the most righteous people to give dieting advice, are EXTREMELY judgemental. These are also people who have never known hunger like we have, IMHO. They don't need to know. When you start losing weight and people ask you, then tell them.

That's how I'm doing it. It's not like anyone was going to discourage me from doing this surgery, but it helps to not have a bunch of negative ju-ju thrown your way because you told the wrong person.

[adagray 1]

I have told A LOT of people... all of my family, all of my friends, and even some casual acquaintances. My experience may not be typical, but I have received overwhelming support and enthusiasm from ALL of my family and friends.

As for the acquaintances, its really hit and miss so I've started limiting how much I blab about it to just anyone. It seems like the acquaintances sometimes have a WLS horror story they feel compelled to share w/me or don't know what lapband is and I get tired of explaining so much to someone who isn't really even a friend.

I don't mind taking the time to explain it to friends and family, though. I figure the time I spend educating them is time well invested because they can be a better support for me if they understand how the whole thing works.

Ultimately, I'm glad I told as many people as I have, though. Even people who I thought might not be supportive (or might even cause me grief about it) turned out to be really supportive.

[Rosie Sue 0]

Yes, the CIA aproach is perfect! haha! I live in a small community that likes to focus on the negative. 17 years ago I met my husband, 21 years older than me, and what a scandal that made! I am still scarred by the rumors! So i guess that's why I'm not telling anyone now. Ugly rumors are way more fun to spread around than good ones sometimes. I can't wait to have the surgery, but I am still trying to figure out what I'll say when I have to "dissapear" for a few days afterward. Secret CIA undercover mission maybe!?!

PS: I think I've lost 2 pounds since I last saw the doctor on dec. 21st. Lets hope I lose enough to convince him I can stay the course and get the band!

[Huckleberry Gal 0]

Hey Guys! I go for my band on the 15th. I am excited yet alittle apprehensive. As for telling people, at first I told me husband but only after I met w/ the surgeon. My Mom I told eventually and she said "I was going to talk to you about getting that, but I didnt want to hurt your feelings...". I asked my husband to keep it mum, but one day when we were swimming w. his mom he innocently said "did you tell my mom what your having?" so I was trapped. So I told her and got this as a response "WELL, you have to watch what you eat or your just going to get fat again. I had a friend BLA BLA BLA" Nice right?? <--- I use that as fuel by the way...

As for other people...I told one of my Sgt's @ work (im a police dispatcher) & I told my Jiu Jitsu professor b/c he deserved to know (and I wanted his input b/c of my training and competing)

As of the other day the guys on my shift at work found out b/c of the Sgt from day shift mentioned it and they were still there (I work Midnights) and to my surprise they are super supportive! We are really close anyway which helps. They've given me work out tips for after surgery to tighten up the loose skin etc. Mainly they like to joke around and tease me (which is fine w/ me b/c its good natured).

So I guess after that schpeel, the best advise would be to play it as you go. Ofcourse were going to find people that will look at us funny for our decision, but they need to understand that we are starting a journey to better our lives.

PS Im new here....How do I get that fancy stuff for the bottom of my message?? lol

Edited January 3, 2010 by Huckleberry Gal

[JO TRAVEL-ALOT 0]

I have only told my husband, best friend, and a co-worker. I had alittle to much to drink at a xmas party and told my husbands old boss and girlfriend about it, but he was banded in Nov and was supportive about it. I work in an office with about 25 women and I really don't want everyone looking at me and watching what I eat or don't eat and asking how much I have lost, so I am not telling anyone here at work for now. I am trying to decide what to say when I need next week off for the surgery.

[AprilShowers2010 0]

Thank you for all of the replies! I'm a very open person, I'll pretty much answer any question and I'm not one to keep secrets but this seems so personal. It's kind of weird....I can tell everyone how my daughter was conceived (IUI with an unknown donor) but this seems too personal.

Ahhhhh....less than 3 weeks away! 25 days and counting. I'm so excited!!!

It is personal and everyone is different. I haven't been able to keep my big fat mouth shut about it! It's all I think about and I'm so excited that I want to shout it out I'm going to save my life!!!!! Well we will see how that goes. I figure most people just talk about everybody behind their backs anyway so they can talk about me and give everybody else a rest:)

[esam5 0]

I am keeping it a secret too for now. They're telling me i'm getting the lap-band®® in the next 6 months for sure. It's such a personal thing! I am already nervous (end excited) and I feel like people would want to bring it up all the time and thinking about it constantly would make me even more nervous (and EXCITED!) I haven't even brought it up with my husband, but I guess I 'll have to eventually.

Right now though, I'm supposed to be working on fixing my bad eating habits and showing the doctor that I can control myself. That is getting me depressed! No control is what got me here in the first place! I'm afraid that at my next meeting he will see that I haven't lost much (or any) weight and cancel my surgery! How did you guys do with this part?

Your comment made alot of sense to me, (I'm, pre-pre-op) and the whole control thing is whats getting me, I've read and tried every diet known ( E-V-E-R-Y!!!!) and I have so much trouble with having faith in myself and my abilities, and Controlling my intake.

thats my fear ( lack of control)

[Rosie Sue 0]

:thumbup:Good luck esam5, STICK TO IT! I got up this morning and discovered i'd lost 4 pounds!! big step for me! I'm hoping that the doctor will take into consideration that in 2007 i had lost 65 lbs with weight watchers (i've re-gained 55) and that he'll see that I can lose weight. Am I the only one that finds this whole thing scarry? I want to lose the weight so badly, but i"m also afraid to gain it all back like before. Hopefully the band will be a great tool to help me along this time. By the way, we got a Wii for christmas, and the wii fit is great! I've been exercising without realizing it! There's a game where you ride a bike, and i can do it for and hour and i actually have fun, I'm crediting that, and i'm watching my portions, to my 4 lb weight loss so far. :smile2:

[esam5 0]

that is awesome, who knew we could have fun riding a bike as an adult?!?! LOL as a kid I would be outside for hours riding around.....

you know, I've debated this procedure for a couple of years, I've know several people who have had full bypass and have gained it all back, the band seems like a more reasonable approach.

I'm praying my insurance can cover this!!!!

I made my pro/con list. Seems like a real no-brainer! prayers for me!!!!

[KimDB 0]

I'm still in the very beginning stages, but I am also very private and have thought about this a great deal. I have only told 2 old friends who live in different states (met them traveling and we keep in touch) and one friend in the next town who is extremely discreet. I have not even told my husband about these plans. He's one of those "why can't you just work out 3 hours a day" types, and for years heaven knows I've tried. I think I might have pursued a surgical option years ago if he hadn't said these things but finally it sank in, I'm a grown woman and don't need his permission. I have as much right to our health insurance and bank account, he certainly didn't ask me to approve what kind of car he bought last year, or where he would open a new restaurant.

I will probably end up telling him, but not until I am far down the road and have everything in place.

By the by, I met with my primary doc this morning and brought this up. I was so nervous, but I couldn't believe how excited she was for me! She said she thought it would be a great idea in my case, wished me luck with my introductory seminar next week, and told me to make sure I let her know how she could help me. She took lots of notes on my weight history beyond the 4 years I've been seeing her, and said she'll help me in any way possible.

It was great!

[esam5 0]

Awe Kimmy! You DEFINITELY have every right to get it done!!!

car?? restaurant?? oh, yeah, and you're gonna deserve ALL the pretty little clothes when this is over!!!

:smile2: :thumbdown: :glare:

I thought about this about 2 yrs ago, ( for about a week) then thought I could do it on my own.... then again about 7 months ago I though again that I just didn't have enough will-power.

Now, I think I'm ready

I've tried 2-3 other diets in the last 6 months and have gained over 40lb in the last year. I'm done!!!!!!

my husband ( luckily) is supportive, he says "Do whatever it takes to make you happy"

sweet guy!~

but I have stubbornly thought that my will power or control is what is lacking, or that I have some major emotional reasons to over eat,

we'll see.

I'm ready to take the first step!!!!

[mandyfsc 0]

I literally haven't told a single person. And my surgery is scheduled for January 15th. And it's going to be in Tijuana, MX. So I really should tell someone as a "just in case." But I'm a super secretive person when it comes to my weight. I can talk about anything, ANYTHING with my best friend. But I could never tell her this. I know I need to tell someone. And I will. I just don't know who, or when. I plan on going to support groups and possibly telling people afterward once i see success. But I'm just worried about the judgment ahead of time.

Is that silly??

[esam5 0]

ok, if you don't want to tell any of your friends/family, you should at least set something up with a online friend that can contact you and make sure everything went ok, give them all your info, who to contact if something does go wrong. phone number, etc.......

think safety!!!!!!!

don't they always say "pride comes before the fall"?!!!

:smile2: :thumbdown:

( I say it only out of love that you should be safe)

I told one friend that I'm considering it, and she even threw up a few hesitations, so i will be keeping it a secret from everyone except my husband!!!!!!!!

I'm researching it alot, so I am making it informed!!!

[crossmylegs 0]

I have not told anyone at my office and I'm happy I didn't. They would just think it was a quick fix and not realize how hard it is somedays. I'd rather not have them look at me everytime I eat something and give their opinions. I am very successful and when they ask me I tell them I am doing Weight Watchers and excerising, and it shuts them up. I'm very happy that they don't know because this isn't a quick fix, I work at it everyday and some days are much harder then others.

Good Luck, but I would just keep it your business to your family and personal friends. PS: I've lost 60lbs and dropped from size 22 to now size 14. I have it done April 2, 2009.

[riley4183 0]

Good morning bandsters and consider-ers!

Re: fears re regain: Lap-band is very different than RNY in this regard. You HAVE to change your habits to lose weight with the band (of course the band helps you do that). You do NOT have to change your habits to lose weight with RNY - at least not to the same degree - because of the malabsorptive component. Therefore SOME gastric bypass lose their weight in the first 12-18 months, but if they have not made the lifestyle changes necessary to keep it off, they will regain once the "new" intestines learn how to absorb calories - which they will.

Lap-Band is different. Lap-band is a weight MAINTENANCE surgery, not a weight loss surgery! YOU have to do the work - the band will not do it for you. The band cannot force you to fill your pouch with lean Protein instead of chocolate cake - thats a choice only you can make. The band does not make you WANT to exercise (although weight loss does!). It is a perfect, perfect, perfect tool to end overeating as it lets you get full on a very small amount of food. But it's only a tool. Do you only eat when you are physically hungry? If you did, you probably would not be on this Board. The band staves off physical hunger, but YOU have to deal with head hunger. It's hard, but it WORKS and the payoff is indescribable :thumbup:

You have to lose weight to get the band; that "locks" in your weight loss . . you have to lose weight to get every fill . . . by the time you have lost your weight, you have definately made the lifestyle changes that you need to be successful and KEEP IT OFF. So yes, you have to lose weight without the band one last time in order to get the band - but this is THE LAST TIME that you will have to do it without this perfect tool!

I tell everyone. But I tell them that I have had weight maintencne surgery, not weight loss surgery. I explain that I have had to do the work to lose the weight, and the band is to prevent me from gaining it back. That really is how it works for me.

Best of luck to you all, and happy new year! Make it a year of good choices :tt2: