How has this changed your relationships?

[HiMow 0]

Being banded, losing weight. What has this done to your relationships with your friends and family? What about your significant others? How has it changed your relationship with yourself?

[Jachut 487]

I dont think it has - they were good before and are still good.

I guess all I could say that has changed is casual relationships with people, acquaintances. Down at the kids' school for example, people tend to act much more standoffish with me, like they think I think I"m all that because I'm thin. I dont look chunky, flabby and out of shape like 9/10 of women who are mothers tend to these days and I dont fit with the school crowd anymore.

doesnt bother me, I've usually got to get to uni and now full time work so I'm no longer actually going in with my children, and being involved with school like I was.

These are people that never knew me fat and I've now been at goal for quite a long time, long enough that a lot of people never knew me fatter. I've noticed the difference in the way people treat you - and its not entirely positive. People do tend to have an assumption that thin people are vain and shallow. Perhaps contrary to a lot of people here, I never ever noticed i was treated badly for being fatter, but I do notice people sometimes think I'm a bimbo now.

Edited December 20, 2009 by Jachut

[sandi1011 0]

Hi,

All I can say is that it is great............I am feeling so much better about myself, which has a affect on people treat you (strangers and friends). When you are happy it seems to make most people the same!

My husband is my biggest supporter. When we got married I weighted 120 pounds, so it was a big change for him in the last 10 years that I had gained the weight, but he is very happy for me, and it shows!

Just about everyone has been so positive!!!

Life is good..

Happy Holiday!

[HiMow 0]

I haven't been banded yet, but there has been a mixed reaction from people I know.

My close friends and people I trust have been really supportive and happy for me.

My best friend admitted that she was jealous at first, which is funny because she is thin.

My mom is really , really supportive because she is the one that talked me into it initially.

My fiance is acting really really strangely. I don't know if he is just supportive. He keeps making comments like, "Remember how nice I am and how much I love you and helped you when you're all thin." He has always been a super nice guy, thats why I love him. I wonder if he is having a hard time.

Did that happen to anyone else?

[DizzyLizzy 21]

For me, can't really say as I haven't been banded yet. I have lost over 70 lbs already, through diet and excercise, but that has been a VERY gradual loss...started in June 2006...so it wasn't a sudden change like it will be (hope to be) after I'm banded so nobody really noticed.

However, I think it depends on the person and where they are "in their head" before hand. For instance, if I'm fat forever, it won't be the end of the world for me..my weight does not define who I am or what I do. But others will literally die to be thin because they just are not happy with themselves. I know someone who had lapband, lost a lot of weight and just went off, partying all the time, cheated on her husband, now she looks at fat people like they are disgusting, gross, and lazy...no matter who it is! She's thinking people don't like her now because she is skinny, but in fact, people don't like her now because she's turned into "one of them" you know those skinny people who frown down on the fat people, think she's all that and a bag of chips. Like she forgot her own struggle! It's ok to be confident, but you have to remember how you felt when you knew someone was making fun of you when you were fat. Lose the weight, but don't lose your darn mind!

[DizzyLizzy 21]

I haven't been banded yet, but there has been a mixed reaction from people I know.

My close friends and people I trust have been really supportive and happy for me.

My best friend admitted that she was jealous at first, which is funny because she is thin.

My mom is really , really supportive because she is the one that talked me into it initially.

My fiance is acting really really strangely. I don't know if he is just supportive. He keeps making comments like, "Remember how nice I am and how much I love you and helped you when you're all thin." He has always been a super nice guy, thats why I love him. I wonder if he is having a hard time.

Did that happen to anyone else?

Yeah, I forgot to mention that, lol. My hubby is overweight as well, and the other day he asked: "You're not going to get all skinny and start wondering why you're with this fat guy, are you?" I reminded him that his weight has no impact on my love just like my weight didn't matter to him.

[greytz 4]

I got mixed reactions from different people. Mostly my acquaintances and people I thought were friends that turned out not to be. I had some so-called friends that I now believed liked me around because I made them look good. I was the fat girl in the group. Now, they don't want me anywhere around them. The phone stopped ringing and the email stopped coming and after a few attempts by me to do things with them, I finally gave up and left it alone. There have also been a couple of family members that act supportive when other family is around and then make snide and rude comments when no one else is around. I have been heartbroken a couple of times. I just got up dusted off and moved on. My close family meaning my husband, my Mom and my Stepdad and my in-laws particularly my very skinny sister-in-law whom I love dearly have been so very supportive. True friends and family have been the core of my support and my rock. I gave everyone else up.

[shadst8 8]

Yeah, I forgot to mention that, lol. My hubby is overweight as well, and the other day he asked: "You're not going to get all skinny and start wondering why you're with this fat guy, are you?" I reminded him that his weight has no impact on my love just like my weight didn't matter to him.

My husband has been feeling the same way and saying similar things (also obese)--I have tried to be encouraging, but I can tell it bothers him--although he is very supportive. I have to remember that many people find security in my plus-size body. As I told him, I am doing this to save my life--for once I am putting myself first as I cannot continue to try and take care of everything and everyone and abuse my own temple. As Susan Taylor says, "Everyone is not healthy enough to have a front row seat in your life." So, when I get that thinner body and they cannot deal, I will send them to the back until they are ready to be VIP again!:thumbup:

[Jachut 487]

For me, can't really say as I haven't been banded yet. I have lost over 70 lbs already, through diet and excercise, but that has been a VERY gradual loss...started in June 2006...so it wasn't a sudden change like it will be (hope to be) after I'm banded so nobody really noticed.

However, I think it depends on the person and where they are "in their head" before hand. For instance, if I'm fat forever, it won't be the end of the world for me..my weight does not define who I am or what I do. But others will literally die to be thin because they just are not happy with themselves. I know someone who had LAP-BAND®, lost a lot of weight and just went off, partying all the time, cheated on her husband, now she looks at fat people like they are disgusting, gross, and lazy...no matter who it is! She's thinking people don't like her now because she is skinny, but in fact, people don't like her now because she's turned into "one of them" you know those skinny people who frown down on the fat people, think she's all that and a bag of chips. Like she forgot her own struggle! It's ok to be confident, but you have to remember how you felt when you knew someone was making fun of you when you were fat. Lose the weight, but don't lose your darn mind!

Yes! That's it exactly! People dont know that I've had my own struggles and that I work hard every day to be the weight I am. They are either resentful because they think it comes naturally and I dont know how hard it is for them, or they think I'm "one of them" and am frowning down on them.

[JoJo1 0]

I will have to get back to you on this one. I did not tell anyone until they started to notice the weight loss. Some have become very quiet, others very supportive. It will be interesting. My husband is thin, but he is a little insecure about me losing weight. Interesting, but I told him I am doing it for me, but I hope he ends up liking me even better.

[ElfiePoo 109]

With the exception of my mother, my relationships haven't changed.

My mother, as much as I love her, is a very selfish, self-centered woman. While she's also overweight and has been all her life, I have weighed more than her since I was 15. She's taken quite a bit of pride in that...and been very verbal about it to everyone including strangers.

Everytime I've dieted and come close to her weight, she'd go on some very restrictive fad diet so she'd lose enough weight to stay below me. When I'd go off the diet and regain, she'd go off hers and regain.

When she found out I was getting the band, she immediately went on another fad diet and lost 15 pounds but put it back on. I've lost 23.5 at this point and am less than 10 pounds from what she weighs and I've noticed she cuts me off if I mention anything about losing weight or eating better or anything that reminds her that I'm closing in on her weight.

Over the years our relationship has taken a number of hits because she resents (actually admitted this to me) the fact that I have all the things she's always wanted (an RV, a house in the country, etc.). Heck she even resents our financial stability even though her lack of is due to her own out of control spending.

At any rate, I don't think losing this weight is going to help the situation any. I can see the resentment already. Who knows how bad it will be after I've lost 100 lbs.

.

[samanthazzz 0]

I find it goes both ways with friends. Most are happy but, some have turned quite jealous. I get the back handed compliments, which make me very uncomfortable. These are usually my more chubbier friends.

I never mention how much wt I have lost or bring up my new & improved food habits, but the conversation never fails to arrive there. In fact, I usually take the opposite tact and try to take the focus off me.

I guess they think (and maybe I am) not as much fun because i don't indulge in Desserts or alcohol. I can't discuss the best dessert at the party or get buzzed off drinks like the rest of the crowd. I am amazed how much of our conversations & social interactions have revolved around food.

If truth were told, I find myself getting bored going out.

Of course I am not complaining. The best part of losing weight is having to decide what to wear beforehand and having many choices. I used to have my "go to" dress (aka tent) and this is so much nicer.

[Phantasmagoria 0]

All my friends and family support me with what im doing.

!!!!EXCEPT !!!!!!!!!

for my boyfriend of 8 years he wants nothing to do with my weightloss (i have lost 80lbs pre op) he didn't go with me to ANY pre op classes and will not be here for me when I have my surgery on the 23rd (in 2 days), I can honestly say this has opened my eyes with him and after this is all over im going to leave.

[BigMomma 0]

All my friends and family support me with what im doing.

!!!!EXCEPT !!!!!!!!!

for my boyfriend of 8 years he wants nothing to do with my weightloss (i have lost 80lbs pre op) he didn't go with me to ANY pre op classes and will not be here for me when I have my surgery on the 23rd (in 2 days), I can honestly say this has opened my eyes with him and after this is all over im going to leave.

I'm sorry your boyfriend is giving you a hard time. I'm glad you do have the support that you need.

[HappyHomeCC 2]

most are astonished that I am plugging along and they can't believe how strong I have been. They are my cheerleading squad ;o)

My mother doesn't know I had surgery... she hadn't seen me in months and commented something to the effect that her I go again losing and it will come right back... I chuckled and thought ... no I have a secret weapon!

My best friend is heavier than me at my heaviest, now that she can't eat with me... I go out with her and just drink tea or coffee etc or pick at something... she now closet eats hiding from me, fast food drive thru , I was sad when I saw the evidence in her car. She gives a lot of lip service about what she has been changing... but really she has gotten worse... hopefully I can help get her through this and help her get healthy... but I have been like her, not to long out of it so I call her on her excuses and remind her she is not alone been there done that too, still struggle. She is with me everyday for some hours... our kids go to school together. She is 10yrs younger than me and her mom has diabeties. I hope I can help her. I hope she sees the light and wants to walk toward it with me. She is now seeing even with the band I have to make serious choices about what I put in my mouth, that the weight does not come off with the magic band!