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Ah ok so yeah i see the difference in what you were initially intending to get across and my initial response. It is disappointing when your family is unsupportive and/or uncreative. Do they ever at least ask what you'd like to do? Do you have another support system around? They might just need a nudge. I typically spend my time with my friends over family, though my family is overall supportive, I am beyond the age of birthdays with them. Long before my surgery, my immediate family stopped with the typical cake celebration. Now it's usually a text or phone call and a card with some cash lol. I think in your case you'd have to guide your family to do something different if that's what you'd prefer. It's such an ingrained thing that celebrations equals food for a lot of us and they may need some help breaking that pattern at least every once in a while.

Hey Jamie, I am so sorry you are having it rough. We were banded on the same day. I have gone through some rough Patches, but if you have a support group...go to it. I don't go to a support group, but I do use this website. I visit it daily. BTW, you are not rambling on...this is real...you are experiencing some real life issues and this is HARD! Yesterday, I had my worst lap-band experience...no nothing got stuck...I did not PB. Simply, I went to a party and stuffed myself slowly...cheetos, potato chips, almonds, crackers with spinach dip, a hotdog with its bun, I kept getting up and doing this...I knew exactly what I was doing...I was behaving like pre-lap band...I gorged and grazed. I felt so uncomfortable, and while I was doing it, I kept asking myself WTF...but I couldn't stop...but today is a new day, I would like to beat myself up over it, but I know it is counter-productive. Also, it really sucks to have an unsupportive roomie... Keep on fighting...my goal is to be a success...you read on here about the struggles...and I want to be one of those who makes it to goal or pretty damn close... Good Luck

I'm still pissed off about a three month post op visit I had with mine. I'm thinking of asking to be reassigned to her colleague because I felt judged and unsupported. What's your experience been like?

The doctor did say that when you lose weight that fast that you lose muscle tissue, so that when you gain it back, you gain back all fat...being 14 and with unsupportive parents she probably wasn't taught much about exercise or nutrition. I never understood how a person can gain weight back after a bypass.

Hi all- I am just beginning the process, contemplating being banded. I had looked into it, attended an info session, 3 years ago, but had Blue Cross of NJ at that time, and they required 6 months of a medically supervised weight loss program. I was inpatient, as well as engaged to a very unsupportive man so I didn't pursue it. Fast forward 3 years, I now have Amerihealth POS Plus, and am living with a wonderful man who will support my decision 100%. I called my insurance company and they were very vague as to what's involved for approval. I am attending an info session tomorrow with a different surgical group (the one 3 years ago seemed a bit like a factory to me - too big and too busy). I did already make an appt with the doc for a consultation in 2 weeks, and he's listed as a network provider on my insurance company website. Does anyone have any experience with Amerihealth? BTW my current BMI is 40 plus I am on medication for high blood pressure. Also, if I attend info session tomorrow, what kind of timeframe can I expect to actually having the surgery?

Its normal. My mother was TOTALLY unsupportive! To the point of I did not tell her I was having it done. That right was forfeited by being unsupportive. I was frantic, desperate, and consumed with finding a way to get a band!! My every waking hour was pining for the band- so I understand COMPLTELEY!! Is it an exclusion on your insurance? The process is complex and not quick so, as hard as it is try to take a deep breath and hang in there!! If you have to cash pay- cosider it like a car payment. Hopefully they wont use control to prevent you from attaining health. I would present it that way- calmly. You may not support my decision, but this is a necessary step to attain long term health

I had a very unsupportive PCP. What I did to get him to do my bidding i.e. write my surgical referral and support letter was to bring him a packet of lap band research and a list of participating surgeons in the city. I proved to him that not only was I serious about having surgery but that I did the research and knew the risks. He was nonplussed to say the least. But you bet I walked out of there with my referral and when the time came for my support letter I was on his ass like a deer tick. I didnt ask him what I should do I told him what I was gonna do. Remove the option of telling you no. Moral of the story...he/she works for you and can only stand in your way if you allow them to. He/she is recommending the diet and exercise exclusively, let him/her know that you will most likely have to do a 6month diet and weight in before you can have surgery anyway. So you will indeed do the diet and exercise, while you move forward with the banding process.

Well, for me it isn't noticing. I'm an event planner (among other things) and support about 160 people. I don't see most of these people more than once a year. Heck, I don't recognize most of them we see each other so infrequently! So they definitely wouldn't be the type to notice a change in my eating habits. I'm slowly telling friends about my decision, but I think I will refrain from coworkers unless asked directly. I'm coming around to the fact that this is a tool and just like using a crutch isn't shameful, getting this surgery isn't either. Unfortunately, I've had a few people with really unsupportive reactions. I'd rather not have to deal with that at work too!

So my surgery is scheduled for Thursday and wow am I a mixed bag of emotions...excited, scared, nervous, anxious...My pre-op diet was only 3 days but I LOVE food so it has been hard (to not be able to "chew"). I am starting out with what is a considered a "low BMI"...insurance would not pay for it so I am self pay (BMI-32.45...I am 5'5", fluxuate between 195-200lbs). I have dealt with supportive people and very unsupportive people but this is my choice and I am ready to make this change.

So personally I don't think you are asking too much at all. When my mom and I went on a liquid diet to lose weight, it was hard because we were trying to make this HUGE lifestyle change while the other half of our family carried on as though it wasn't a big deal. Which, looking back, hindered the progress we made. Because if your family is not supporting you by still going to fast food restaurants while you are there and not empathizing with you and your struggle, what's to stop you from easing into old habits. That's not to say tell them to stop altogether, at least not at this point, but asking them to be more considerate and maybe let you know if they are going to a fast food place so you can opt out. I've also been on the side where I wasn't dieting and my some in my family were. I made the accommodations because I loved them and wanted to support them on this journey to be the most successful they could be. If it meant not eating taco bell in front of them I gladly did it, because I stood by my support of them. I think you should have a talk with her and just explain how you need to be supported to have the best possible success because maybe she doesn't see her actions as unsupportive. Also if the whole family is trying to eat healthier why is is she going to a fast food joint anyway. I think you guys should probably sit down and have the talk again so as to clear the air and pave the way for a healthier life.

Tina, Congratulations to you! It's a tough decision, and it takes courage to decide to change. Change is the most frightening thing we go through in life. Many people stay fat and unhealthy because of this fear. I was afraid that the Band, or any WLS surgery for that matter, would change everything about my life. And so far it has. But the changes have been good. I no longer fear change, I welcome it. People in our lives have no idea how to be supportive, I'm convinced of that. I'm also convinced that many of the people who seem so unsupportive think they are being just the opposite. But remember, change is a frightening for them as it is for you. They too are afraid. After all, any change in you could result in a change in your relationships. They are afraid, and their fear has no reason behind it. They forget that you will still be YOU whether you band or not. They forget that your quality will shine through. You are afraid, and it's normal. Change is scary. Everyone you talk to knows someone who's best friend's aunt, had an acquaintance whose youngest daughter had the surgery and she only lost the weight on one side then her left leg blew up like a zeppelin and they went in and found the band broken into seventeen pieces and lodged near a perfectly preserved donut in her uterus. (preceding ludicrous story for illustration purposes only). So, if that kind of thing bothers you, by all means, keep it all on the down low. It's your life, and your business. But fear not. The beauty of the band is it's safety. Low complication rate. Non invasiveness, and ease of reversibility. Of all the courses out there it is the logical choice. I had to decide. I picked this, and now I'm one month out, it was easy, fast, and nearly painless. Well, a lot less painful than my overactive imagination had drawn it for me. Diet and exercise do not work. Lose the weight, gain it back, plus a little bonus. Will power is good for the next meal, and maybe for months, but sooner or later the will power fades, and we fall into our old ways. If the will power worked there would be no fat people, no alchoholics, no addicts of any kind. The way I saw it the only way to go was to choose between a short life and a longer one. Keeping my messed up relationship with food was the short life, the band was the longer one. Follow your own star. Make your own decision based on who you are. One thing about these people here, they know how to be supportive, visit often, read the old threads. Contemplate. But move yourself to action. As Red says in "Shawshank Redemption" it's time to get busy living, or get busy dying. I suggest living with the band, you'll smile more than you do now, you'll laugh daily. Good luck, and glad to see you here.

My daughter is unsupportive, and is doing her level best to guilt me out of it. Her latest is about how "we're not going to be able to eat together anymore", and saying she'll have her main meal at lunch while she's at work. She knows I'm not going to relent, but that's not going to stop her passive-aggression, either. It's quite frustrating for me. Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

Thank you for your informative and inspiring story. Very happy to hear that you listened to your body and made good choices. I totally understand unsupportive friends and family. From the verbal yummmmmmmms this is amazing through dessert while I'm abstaining to the tugging on my clothes if they were loose. I'm especially proud of you, and you should be proud of yourself, for not purchasing a scale (we all know all too well that the scale is the devils seed and is a LIAR). I think I will be putting mine away. I would much prefer to follow your lead and concentrate on other indicators. Being addicted to weighing in would set you up to compare your efforts against others. WTG! You got this!

I'm up in Ventura County, have been banded for 6 1/2 years and would be happy to walk you through this process. In addition to this site you may want to check out Lap Band Support, Lap Band Forums and Information for some information about the process. If you can, bring your family either to an informational seminar withyou or to a surgeon's office visit with you so they can get their questions answered too. Often, they are just worried:crying: about YOU have surgery and express it as being unsupportive when they are really expressing love and concern. I'd love to stay in touch with you. You can email me directly or send me PM's...

I am sorry to here that you are feeling unsupported in this. It seems like your husband is dealing with some self esteem issues that he is projecting onto you. I have a very supportive husband he too does have some esteem issues as well but he never makes me feel bad like that. We aren't as intimate as I would like to be & I attribute it my health issues & our son he's 2 & sometimes being parents just interferes with wanting to be sexual. However the things you described don't sound that way they sound emotionally abusive. It sounds like you already carry enough emotional baggage from your other life experiences that cause you pain without the person whose supposed to love you for better or worse making you feel like crap. I would suggest seeking out a counselor would deals with family & bariatric patients so that they can work with you as a bariatric patient, as a married woman & potentially you & your husband to work thru your issues as a couple. I wish you luck with your process I get my RNY tomorrow & have been thru the 6 month waiting game & insurance approval process so I sympathize with you. You will get where you need to be don't let other people drag you down with them.

Oh man, what a topic! Well, when my husband and I met, I was 19 and a college cheerleader. I was heavy in Hs, and lost 60lbs in college getting to an all time low which was a size 8. My relationship with him started off completely just sexual (sorry TMI). I ended up pregnant 6 months later while on birth control. I wasn't in love with him, but we decided to parent anyway. It was rough, going from being "hook up partners" to a couple and parents. I gained over 80lhs that pregnancy because of depression. After I had my son, I gained about 20 more from severe post partum depression. We split up for a while, and I think I went back to him because it was easy. I knew he wanted me, even if he wasn't the best for me. Now, 4 years later, were married with another baby and we still have a rocky relationship. He's not unsupportive, but he's not terribly supportive either. He never tells me I'm pretty, or tells me that he notices my weight loss. But if I say "hey I lost 5lbs this week" all he will say is "good job" and leave it at that. He's a great provider financially, but a crappy husband and so-so father. We'll see what happens. As my self confidence has gone up, I've been more "ballsy" during fights and standing up for myself. Not sure if I even answered the post lol. Sorry I hijacked it!

Can't help but think this is "meant to be". I had been dreading telling my dr. and he was enthusiastic. Just got off the phone to tell my mom about the surgery date. She is uber supportive and wants to go with to take care of me. Makes me wonder why I feel such dread telling folks...guess I'm just afraid someone important to me and this journey will be unsupportive and I don't want to hear it? I feel so much better after telling Mom. I'd rather have her with me than my son (sorry boy) so we'll see how this works out. I'm having a major cleaning frenzy digging deep into the corners and am sure I'll be exhausted by this evening. But it will be nice to have a spick and span house! All we'll have to do is maintain it for the next couple of weeks so I can come back to a relatively clean house. Yay!

I have only told a few select people because of that. I'm scheduled for surgery May 28 and I know when I return to work the end of Aug (I teach) people will notice, but I have decided I will respond with, " I have spent the summer working on making a healthier me." And leave it there. My mother was VERY unsupportive when I told her what I was going to do, so much so I got tired of hearing her negativity the next time she said something about it, which was in March I told her to just stop because there was no guarantee it would happen because I have to go through testing first. I will not tell her about my surgery, she will see me in July, but by then I Will have had the surgery and hopefully be adapted to my new way of eating.

i also wonder about who i will be after this. I have spent the past twenty years being a "big sexy" girl. i met a man who adores me as just that. i try every day to get past this and hope that he will love me when i am just "sexy" without that other word. i hate to admit it but there were times when i would get motivated, diet, workout and lose weight then he would sabotage me & tell me how beautiful i was as i am so i would stop and continue to jeapordize my health & life because HE loved it! i have stated MANY times that he is unsupportive of my decision & i know not whether he will be around when my transformation is complete. i suppose i need to make a MENTAL transformation first. at any rate, whatever happens, BOTH you & i will still be the same people---with better health & flatter bellies! good luck to you!

(Cross posted from the forums.) So, my lovely girlfriend took a number of pictures of me standing around in just my boxers, and, yeah... now I remember why 1) I never go shirtless, and 2) I don't like pictures! I believe that, under all the flab, I'm still a basically good looking man. But I have let the fat pile up, in roll after roll, until I'm almost unrecognizable under it. I think I've never really let myself accept just how very fat I've become. I have this bizarre mental image of myself as much more "normal" weight than is reality, but I also live in constant apprehension of someone seeing just how large I am. It's a bizarre mental double-image, and the photos today (which are in my private profile, and are going to stay private until I have some real progress to show!) were... a shock. My weight looks... ungainly, unhealthy, and just unsupportable, long-term. In some ways I think I haven't been fully committed to the surgery until this moment, just now, when I realized "man, if you stay like this, if you don't change something, you are going to die, painfully, and soon." I really understand now why... My back almost always hurts. If it's not my back, it's my shoulder from lying on my side to read or sleep (all that weight on my shoulder causes problems). I almost never sleep well, and fight constantly with apnea. I'm sick so often. I hate exercise so much -- if I walk long distances (or even stand up straight for too long), something is always chafing or rubbing or constricting. It's not surprising... with that much flab to move around, who would be comfortable? I have such a hard time finding clothes that fit. I buy huge, tent-like clothes to try to fit into and "hide" my flab, but let's be real... I'm not fooling anybody. I feel so awkward in social situations -- I'm very body-shy, and it's very difficult for me to avoid the belief that someone is "judging" me for my body. Some years ago, I had LASIK surgery because I was very nearsighted. I had to wear thick, coke bottle glasses (or contacts, but they were killing my eyes). I was very frightened of the surgery, to be honest -- I was worried I would go blind or something. But I got through it; I did my best to follow the surgeon's instructions TO THE LETTER, and when my eyes had fully healed, I had better than 20/20 vision (20/10 in one eye, 20/15 in the other). It wasn't entirely a positive experience; I had to shell out five thousand dollars of my own money (LASIK was still new). It was a little painful and a lot frightening, but I still consider it one of the best choices I've ever made. I still just stare out on this beautiful world, sometimes, and marvel at how nice it is to be able to really SEE without thick lenses or frames chafing my ears or getting smudged or slipping down (and making everything look small, that's one odd effect of glasses that they never mention -- everything looks so SMALL). It was totally worth the money, and I would do it again in a moment. So that's how I'm thinking of the weight loss surgery. I've done the research; on almost every single metric, this surgery will improve my life. It will add years of life expectancy, and (maybe more important), it will likely be QUALITY life, not years spent in sickness and decline. It will restore my mental image of myself as a "normal looking" guy to reality. It will hopefully ease my constant anxiety that something is Dreadfully Wrong with me, health-wise (I'm fortunate that almost all of my anxiety is, for now, ungrounded -- but how long will THAT last?). YES, there will be some initial pain, but apparently not much. YES, I'll have to likely deal with some nausea or "sliming" or whatever, but that's a small price to pay. YES, I'll have to re-learn how to eat, and make good food choices every single day, but to be honest, I should have been doing that anyhow. I'm hoping that, like the LASIK surgery, I'll look back on this in a few years and say "would I do it again? Absolutely, yes. In a heartbeat." Because after looking at myself in all of my non-glory today, I don't like what I see. That much fat just can't be sustained. This kind of life of pain, embarrassment, discomfort, and always waiting for the "other shoe to fall," health-wise, just can't last. I have to do it. I think, now, I may finally WANT to do it.

Pay very close attention to what and how you ate preop that led you to become obese. Not just the volume, but how often, what you ate and most importantly WHY you ate that way. Were you depressed? Happy? Bored? Stressed? Now do the same thing during the honeymoon period during which you are losing weight and most likely following all the "rules". Again, what, how much, when, and why you are eating. How are you coping with stress and emotions that don't involve food? 2-3 years from now (actually, for the rest of your life) you need to remain mindful of your eating habits. If you find yourself going back to many of your preop habits, you will likely find yourself regaining. After 6 years of group support meetings and now online forums, I See most regain stories coming from emotion based self sabotage.....stress, grief and boredom are big ones. Someone dies, you get divorced, you lose your job, your family is unsupportive, pressure from friends, your kids get sick, you are injured, etc. Now you turn to food for comfort because that's all you know how to do. Your sleeve is worthless when it comes to grazing, slider foods, snacking, etc. In the end it's the lifestyle changes and choices you make that dictate long term success, not your surgery or size of your sleeve. I always say, my surgeon helped me lose the weight, but my therapist helped me keep it off. Good luck.

Welcome Bill, If you are trying to get insurance to pay for it, I would call your insurance company and see what is required by them to pay for the WLS. For example, if they require a dietician interview and sessions and you need a recommendation from your PCP for them, then ask him for that, not necessarily his opinion if you need the surgery or not. IMO, "YOU" are the only one who will be certain if you need the surgery. Skinny people and unsupportive Dr.s are going to tell you to just diet and excersize, hence the call you received from the Dr.'s nurse. You qualify for the surgery with your BMI and sleep apnea, alone, not including your higher percentage of getting Type II diabetes and possibly higher blood pressure. So there is no question that the surgery will benefit you. If you are 100% certain that you are ready to move forward, I think you should approach the Dr. and tell him this is a decision that you have made and you need his recommendation to continue. Good luck.

I had the same problems pre-surgery. I told my parents when I started the process and while they were always supportive, my Mom said a couple of things that sounded like "are you sure this is right for you?" that I interpreted as unsupportive. I told friends and co-workers after I had been approved by the surgeon and insurance. In hind site, I think I would have waited until I had a surgery date to tell anyone but my closest friends. It just seems easier to tell them a couple weeks in advance than to have it out there for comment for a longer period. I really don't recommend not telling your family before surgery. It isn't fair to you or them to not prepare in advance for the changes that will come post surgery. I recommend writing out your reasons for having surgery so that you can make the most compelling points about why this is the right choice for you! Also tell them that if they don't have any thing supportive to say to please keep the negative stuff to themselves. Also be prepared to answer questions about what kind of help you will need post surgery. If you are organized and clear about the process then it will be easy to answer their questions and deal with their concerns. Finally - know that they love you and are concerned about your well being. That may cause them to ask questions or say things that seem unsupportive, but just be grateful that they care and want what is best for you. Good luck as you head into surgery!

It was day 6 or 7 I was able to side-sleep. I was propped by a few pillows/rolled blankets for support. About 10 days to sleep unsupported. Oh, how I hated back-sleeping. Which is funny, because now that I'm further out, I don't mind sleeping on my back =P